[Esmme]

There's this guy I met on a Discord chat with my friends..
He likes me a lot, I can tell he's teetering on the decision to ask me to date him...

Today we started talking about dating. I told him that right now my career comes first and I will consider dating once I am stable in my career. He's basically trying to convince me that "anytime is good for dating" and that all that matters is "love". But I told him that I want to date a guy who has goals, not necessarily a millionaire, but someone who has goals for their lives that they want to achieve.

This guy, said that he's handicapped so he can't set goals. :| I told him that ANYONE can set goals unless they are a vegetable.

I also told him that right now, I want to focus on my career. He was extremely persistent that my career can go hand in hand with a relationship. Which, I told him was not true. I've tried to tell him that I want my career to be stable first, but he kept telling me that I was "closing myself off" to opportunities.

I felt a little weirded out by it because I knew that he wanted to date me...

I am not attracted to him, I don't want to hurt his feelings, he is very sweet and kind, but I don't think he would make a good partner for me. For one, he's on the other side of the country... I am NOT willing to move to be with him... and I don't think he's willing to move to my state.

I just don't know what to do.

I told him politely that I didn't think it would work between us. I don't do long distance relationships, and I don't want to be with someone who doesn't have goals or aspirations.... I don't want to "Take care" of someone.

I feel so bad because he's such a sweet person... but first and foremost, I am NOT attracted to him.

Do not ever feel bad for taking care of yourself and making good decisions for yourself. Never. Ever.

[Bill3]

You are not attracted to him.

Tell him that he is a nice guy but you are not going to date him. If he pushes you, say that you are not attracted to him.

If he still persists, block him.

Physical attraction isn't important if you value him ever so slightly.

But if you're not gonna mate, let it go.

Keeping your self as a priority in all honesty.

[Candy1955]

Just tell him no thank you, it's been a pleasure, you're flattered by his attention, but it is not going to work. Also tell him that if he is a gentleman he won't argue or persist, and then maybe you can be friends.
If he isn't a gentleman, block him and go on. Don't look back. It's his choice.

[~Christina]

I’d just block him and go about your “ real life”

[Esmme]

He tried so so hard to convince me that long distant relationships can work...

I know they can, but I still choose not to engage in a LDR. I even told him that if I were in a LDR and I ended up meeting someone local, I would dump the LDR in favor of the local one.

I mean, he's a really nice person... I hope I didn't hurt his feelings, but that's how I honestly feel. If I had the chance to have a physical relationship with someone I would pick them over an online relationship.

I think ANYONE would do that, though... (Except for him, I guess.)

I told him that I was sorry if I hurt his feelings...
I don't think I was in the wrong, but he definitely made me feel really bad. He's nice, but not what I am looking for... He doesn't set goals for himself, (says he can't because he's "handicapped") he didn't really take the time to get to know me, (we've only known each other a couple of weeks) he basically saw that I was pretty and wanted to date me based on that because we clearly don't know enough about each other to "date". I am also not physically attracted to him...

I feel like I could consider dating him if he were local, was more goal-orientated then I might have considered giving him a chance... But he's not. I don't think it's wrong to have standards. But according to him, "standards" are "closing yourself off".

I'm just a little upset. I feel like I was in the right, but I feel bad for saying what I did.

[divine1966]

I wouldn’t give it another thought. Why do you feel guilty? You don’t know him. He could be anybody and could be saying anything. And how does he expect to date you? Makes no sense. Just go about your life.

[Bill3]

Your standards “close you off” from what you don’t want or from what is actually bad for you. That’s good!

[lizardlady]

Esmme, that "closing yourself off" line bugs the snot out of me. I hear the same thing from people who think I "ought" to be in a relationship. I don't need to be in a relationship. I like my life just fine as it is, thank you very much.

For what it's worth, I think your approach of telling him you are not interested was just fine. You know what appeals to you. If he does not meet your expectations you are being honest with him. Please don't beat yourself up. He might be a nice guy, but that doesn't mean you have to enter a relationship you're not interested in.

This is more of a rhetorical question, but how the heck does he plan to date you if you live on different sides of the country? Also, having "handicaps" (I prefer the word "disabilities") does not preclude setting goals.

[MickeyCheeky]

No need to feel guilt - you're not interested, that's all one needs to hear.

He's being too pushy by trying to convince you to date him, even from a far distance, and only after a couple weeks. Don't feel bad. He's pushing it and honestly I would find that be very off-putting. Stick to your standards and hold out for the time when it's right for YOU, not when it's right for someone else.

[WhatsNextNow]

Nice people don't try and convince you you're wrong about what you don't want. No need to be polite to such people. In fact, it allows them to continue to try and be manipulative with others.

[howaitorozu]

I'm in a similar situation I guess. There is a girl who wants to date me and she is extremely nice. I know however based on her family and cultural background that she would be looking for something serious and long term. Aside from the fact that I'm not really attracted to her (she's nice looking but not my type), a long term relationship would get in the way of my aspirations to live abroad. Like in your situation, she hasn't really come out and openly asked me if I want to be her boyfriend, so I can't just straight up tell her I'm not interested. I've been kind of just not reciprocating her interest, but it makes me feel really bad to do that.

[Esmme]

Thanks everyone for the advice
He seems okay that I told him that I am not going to date him.. Yet, he still uses terms of endearment when talking to me...
It's awkward because I do not feel the same... We've only known each other maybe three weeks?!

I am honestly avoiding going on Discord because I don't really want to talk to him... I don't know what to tell him.

Good idea to avoid the discord. I would even cease all communications with him. I think he's far too pushy with his own agenda after such a short time.