[Coloral]

Hi! I had a really rough period in my life the last months (in my family). Because of that I had some issues with my boyfriend and now I'm a bit lost or confused about the situation. I've been together with my boyfriend for more than 4 years at the moment. We have a kind of long-distance relationship. We've met in 2015 when I was in rehabilitation (I had a car accident in 2014 in Italy which left me paralyzed from neck down) and the doctors were planning to discharge me so my cousin from Amsterdam wanted to help me to continue with the rehabilitation but in Amsterdam. She informed and said I need a recommendation letter for the hospital with my situation. I did an English letter but she wanted a confirmation from a colleague that was studying physiotherapy at that moment and he had a look and said that the letter is not good. Then he contacted me and we did the letter and afterwards we continue to talk. He even bought a ticket to come visit me while I was in rehabilitation still and then he came for Christmas (I wasn't able yet to travel on my own due to my situation and because I started University in Italy). Then, I went with my family to visit him and my cousin of course. Things had been though because my mom was really strict with me and I wasn't allowed to stay up late or out or stay more time only with me. Anyway, he seemed fine even that was the limit we couldn't see each other that often..he accepted somehow most of all because of my studies also. I went 2 years ago and last year ago for Christmas to him and spent together with his family which is ok with me and my situation. Because of my family situation we had pretty often discussion (I was influenced by my mom that didn't like him and was commenting over him a lot). Our last big discussion was when I was in Italy and he started to be more involved in sport, events, be more social, going often out etc. For me was fine till a girl that he was treating already for few months became friend (he is a physiotherapist) out of nowhere (in my view, maybe he has another point of view about this) and they started to train together, shopping sport clothes together (he was telling me these things). He was telling me what he was doing (and for me seems really close the situation and even helping her, the same behaviour he had with me when we started chatting) but one day I got really frustrated and called him (because he was not answering that often to my messages with the reason that he was working and he was being more distant towards me) and said crying that we really need to talk, if he really wants me to come to Holland (this is our plan that I come in Holland and we start a live together because he has already stability and I don't have) and most of all for his b-day party (he turned 30, I'm 25 and he celebrated by making a big party with family and friends and I was supposed to be present there too). He was saying yes, of course what's wrong and then I said that for me it seems too close the relationship you have with that girl. A big discussion started from this because I made him really confused whether he likes that girl or not. We had like 2-3 hard weeks after this because he didn't know what to decide what to do and I went to psychologist who helped me in many situations. He decided that would be good for us that I come over to try again us and so I did and things were good again. We planned my trip to Amsterdam few days before his bday party. And now I'm still with him in Amsterdam and things between us are good only that every time it comes about that girl, I get speechless (I've met her and seems ok, they've been at a sport event where I joined also and the situation was ok). Since I'm here they went training together or he treated her (she has some knee problems and since they are friends, he doesn't charge her for the treatment) and they are already planned new sport events together. He even told to his mom to cook someday the kind of rice she does really good and to invite the girl also. For me this already seems too much for a kind of friend relationship. One Sunday she invited him to join her at a dance class she's doing but luckily, he had to work that day otherwise he would have joined. And it's like they keep in touch to do things together like training, cinema and other events. Once even we went out with other friends of him and there were only boys and I was the only girl and he asked me if it's ok for me or I would like a feminine company (he mentioned her). My answer was no, it's fine for me. So, the thing is that he did so much for our relationship these years and I feel like now it's kind my turn to do more for it but whenever comes about that girl I'm stuck and I didn't tell him because he always accused me of being too jealous. It makes me doubt. I can't accept them being that close and most of all doing things only the 2 of them but I don't again any discussion so I don't know how to deal with the situation. Am I wrong not willing to accept their "friend relationship"?

[Skeezyks]

Hello Coloral: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC. I see this is your first post. So... welcome to Psych Central.

I don't really think there is a lot I can offer with regard to your predicament. Perhaps there will be other PC members who will have some perspectives they can share. In the meantime though here are links to 3 articles, from Psych Central's archives, on the subject of jealousy plus a link to 1 article that talks about what to do if you suspect emotional infidelity. Also included are links to 2 articles on how to prepare for & talk about tough topics:

8 Healthy Ways to Deal with Jealousy

Am I in a Jealous Relationship?

Understanding Jealousy in Your Relationship | Healing Together for Couples

What if You Suspect Emotional Infidelity?

5 Ways to Prepare for a Difficult Conversation

https://psychcentral.com/blog/tips-f...-tough-topics/