This is more of a commentary on my own life and my history of making poor choices in partnerships, so I am wondering how many people here can relate to this issue?

I have found that when I am not in a good place in life -- emotionally, mentally, financially or even professionally -- that I make very poor choices in partners.

When I've been unhappy in my life, I have felt more desperate for love or for an escape from my life, so I get involved with someone -- practically anyone -- who shows a strong interest and with whom I feel an initial spark. That was in the PAST mind you, because I am now engaged to be married to the true love of my life.

But my point is --- I think to make wise choices for ourselves, that we need to be in a solid, stable, healthy and generally happy life situation so that we can assess potential partners with clarity and objectivity and then consciously choose to be with that person because we have (over time) determined that they are worthy of our time, attention and hearts.

But when we're not in a solid place mentally or emotionally, I think it's much easier to to fall into the wrong relationship because we may want an escape from a miserable life situation and love seems like an appealing alternative. When we are more desperate for an escape, that's when it's easy to be clouded in our judgment, to overlook red flags and to jump into the wrong relationship.

I have done this MANY MANY times in my life.

In order to make wise choices, we must be objective, we must take things slowly and not jump in right away, we must get to know a person's character and we must observe their behavior over time. A person needs to prove that they are worthy of our hearts, and that can only come with time.

And in order to make wise choices in partners, we must not be in NEED of a relationship, and we must have enough self esteem and self respect to say "NO" to all the wrong partners. And we must be able to walk away from a toxic relationship or a toxic person when there are glaring red flags. We shouldn't ever stay in a toxic relationship because we need to feel some semblance of love and security. That's false.

Essentially, we need to be happy ourselves FIRST, before we can truly be happy with another. And we must be in a healthy place emotionally in order to make wise choices.

I am speaking from experience and from all the mistakes I have personally made in my own life.

I know I have been desperate for love in the past because of my own unhappiness.... and I have made poor choices because I, myself, was not in a healthy place. Can anyone else here relate to this?

[divine1966]

Yup certainly can relate.

[MickeyCheeky]

((((golden eve)))) I'm sure many can relate. Thank you for making this thread! Hope others will read it and find it helpful. I absolutely agree with it.

[luvyrself]

What you said is so very wise, so so true.
Just another reason I am so fond of you.
Hope yr significant other is still true blue.
Hugs!

[SorryShaped]

You've been inside my head! I've apparently never been in a good place mentally, because I've never made good relationship choices. Not even now

Originally Posted by luvyrself

What you said is so very wise, so so true.
Just another reason I am so fond of you.
Hope yr significant other is still true blue.
Hugs!

Aww, thanks!!

Yes, my SO is completely awesome. Everything is wonderful with him!

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

You've been inside my head! I've apparently never been in a good place mentally, because I've never made good relationship choices. Not even now

I was the same way for years and years. I finally took responsibility for my own happiness, & worked on my life to get to a better place. I have bouts and moments of anxiety, but things are far better now than they've ever been. And my S.O. is very supportive.