Honestly in Relationships

Honesty in relationships is complicated. To what extent are we expected to be honest with a stranger? a friend? a family member? The way we might greet someone in the street, or in a store, or in the mall, may be different than we would greet, say, a boss or a loved one. Do these behaviors define us? Do we behave this way out of fear? Is it okay to put someone else in a unsafe situation to secure our own safety? Is there a better way to define relationship? What is it? Does the commitment made within the relationship change that? Does dishonesty create insecurity within a relationship? Should I end this type of relationship? How can we create safety for ourselves without taking away the safety of another?? How honest should we be with a co-worker, a stranger, a neighbor, an ill-family member, a loved one or a long lost friend? How do I guard myself without loosing myself or my friend? Help

Unfortunately there are so many variables involved here that there is no straight answer for these questions. without context and personal knowledge of your situation it's difficult to really say in any relevant way what the answer would be, or answers in this case, since you mention a multitude of situations.

Your questions are rather vague. Yes I should be honest with my co- worker about the job assignment I didn’t complete since they might have to finish it for me but I certainly shouldn’t share with them that I had a fight with my husband (for example) as it’s not their business. I am puzzled re honesty with stranger. I mean I shouldn’t steal their wallet but other than that what kind of honesty do you mean?

Well certainly I wouldn’t greet my boss the way I greet my husband as it would be highly inappropriate. Nothing to do wuth honesty but more to do with social norms. In fact most of your questions aren’t really about honesty but more about social norms and societal constraints.

I would say honesty is a best practice in various situations. This includes being honest about not wanting share certain information. There are intrusive or unsafe people whom you have to be honest with and politely say,

"I'm sorry but I don't feel comfortable talking about that."
or
"I'm sorry, that's too personal to talk about. I only talk about these issues with my family/ closest friends."

I don't think you should lie to anyone, but you can discern the amount of information you share depending on how much you know and trust that person. And maybe take it slow (I've made mistakes in the past trusting and opening up to people too soon).

Yes, good questions.

I think just try to be as authentic with people as you can, and you'll be off to a good start.

I just say whats on my mind.

If people don't like what I have to say it's on them.


I know I'm not necessarily right in being this way but the less complicated life is the better for me I think.

Thank you all for your responses. I am working through family therapy and having a hard time with creating boundaries for myself in different relationships. I know I need more practice with social interaction. I wish my family would accept me for who I am but I don't see them making any major life (re-)evaluations any time soon and I am only willing to meet them halfway. I often give too much of myself and this is very stressful on my mental health. If even working with them would be beneficial for me, I can't accept..any less for myself. My compromises have been too much in the past and I have been hurt. I am grateful to have this forum to develop my modes of expression and work on myself in my own way and in my own time.