[Max2302]

I was in a relationship with this girl, say A for about 30 months. Last 6 months of the relationship with her had fights every week. I had done really poorly in my academics and that took its toll on the relationship too. It was like a phase of regular weekly break up patch up. I was really dominant and she was really submissive. Every other time we had a fight, I would put all the blame on her and she would end up accepting it too. She had a habit of overdoing for people she cared. She has a pure heart, I feel I affected her emotionally. Good times were good, physical bond was very much there. Our dates were really fun. Gradually I decided to break up. But we stayed in touch as friends. And because we were lonely and had felt for each other, we even had intimate moments once in a while. Then, I got into a relationship with another girl, say P. On hearing about which A and I had a serious fight. Now, P and me had issues since the starting. I told P about my relationship with A and she got insecure about it. P would threaten break ups and there were a lot of time we never talked, had a fight and everything went downhill. Coincidentally, A would always be there in those moments and we would have good times together. A never questioned my relationship status, she would just sense me being lonely and come there as an angel. This happened till I had a serious fight with P, and I ended up sleeping with A. I told P about it, not mentioning the woman I was with. Then gradually, things mended between me and P, and I asked A to break contact with me, because I felt I was using her, and she was getting emotionally affected because of it.P and I have been going strong with a few fights, but mostly when A is mentioned by either of us in our conversations. Yet, many times, I think about A. She does try contacting me, but I ask her not to. I feel guilty for having done everything bad for A. I don't know whether me with P is right. There is a lot of complications and I have no answers to them. I want A to be happy in life. I don't want to be a cheat in anyone's life and I don't want to spoil anyone's life too. Please help?

[luvyrself]

Be good to yrself and the two women. Choose one and quit any relationship w the other. A does sound like she is too submissive for u, but who knows. Ping ponging back and forth is making it harder to have a really good thing with either one. I applaud you for feeling bad about what this is doing to the women

Honestly, you're not being good to either woman. Maybe you should be alone for a while. Your relationship with P sounds unhealthy plus you've already cheated on her.

[sarahsweets]

If both relationships have the same issues and you are the common denominator then maybe you need to be single for a while.

[Bill3]

In my opinion you are too accepting with A.

Rather than asking A not to contact you, block her on all media.

Don't talk to or touch A at all while you are in a relationship with P.

Don't go to A when there are problems with P.

Have one relationship at a time, and be totally faithful (physically and emotionally) to that relationship.

[s4ndm4n2006]

If you were committed to a relationship with either A or P none of this would happen, but it seems you're not decidedly committed to either one. I do think it appears that you were/are using them for your own entertainment going to the one that would appease you and make you feel good in the moment. If you want a real committed relationship I think you need to change your commitment level and find someone that you care about enough to actually remain committed to. Unless you like playing the field as you are and if so then understand that it will come with the conflicts you are facing and until you can accept that this is the case it will remain a struggle.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Max2302

I was in a relationship with this girl, say A for about 30 months. Last 6 months of the relationship with her had fights every week. I had done really poorly in my academics and that took its toll on the relationship too. It was like a phase of regular weekly break up patch up. I was really dominant and she was really submissive. Every other time we had a fight, I would put all the blame on her and she would end up accepting it too. She had a habit of overdoing for people she cared. She has a pure heart, I feel I affected her emotionally. Good times were good, physical bond was very much there. Our dates were really fun. Gradually I decided to break up. But we stayed in touch as friends. And because we were lonely and had felt for each other, we even had intimate moments once in a while. Then, I got into a relationship with another girl, say P. On hearing about which A and I had a serious fight. Now, P and me had issues since the starting. I told P about my relationship with A and she got insecure about it. P would threaten break ups and there were a lot of time we never talked, had a fight and everything went downhill. Coincidentally, A would always be there in those moments and we would have good times together. A never questioned my relationship status, she would just sense me being lonely and come there as an angel. This happened till I had a serious fight with P, and I ended up sleeping with A. I told P about it, not mentioning the woman I was with. Then gradually, things mended between me and P, and I asked A to break contact with me, because I felt I was using her, and she was getting emotionally affected because of it.P and I have been going strong with a few fights, but mostly when A is mentioned by either of us in our conversations. Yet, many times, I think about A. She does try contacting me, but I ask her not to. I feel guilty for having done everything bad for A. I don't know whether me with P is right. There is a lot of complications and I have no answers to them. I want A to be happy in life. I don't want to be a cheat in anyone's life and I don't want to spoil anyone's life too. Please help?

I would just break up with both of them. A is having a hard time she need to leave you alone. If she with you and you cheat with her you both will cheat on each other. Help A get into some counseling to help her move on. P is not right for you because you wouldn't have cheated on her of you love her.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Bill3

In my opinion you are too accepting with A.

Rather than asking A not to contact you, block her on all media.

Don't talk to or touch A at all while you are in a relationship with P.

Don't go to A when there are problems with P.

Have one relationship at a time, and be totally faithful (physically and emotionally) to that relationship.

That is great advice!

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

If you were committed to a relationship with either A or P none of this would happen, but it seems you're not decidedly committed to either one. I do think it appears that you were/are using them for your own entertainment going to the one that would appease you and make you feel good in the moment. If you want a real committed relationship I think you need to change your commitment level and find someone that you care about enough to actually remain committed to. Unless you like playing the field as you are and if so then understand that it will come with the conflicts you are facing and until you can accept that this is the case it will remain a struggle.

I think that you are using both of them.

[AspiringAuthor]

You are saying that you did really poorly in academics and that it had a negative ripple effect on the relationship with A. I think you are onto something and need to focus on academics and become really strong and not have either relationship now. Both your relationships feed off one another - you will not be able to manage having either a relationship with A or a relationship with P.

A makes the impression of being a woman who is "raising her value in your eyes" by positioning herself as an angel, who, unlike P, is not expecting anything from you, is understanding, is sensing your loneliness, and is always there for you. In essence she invites you to compare and contrast her and P, hoping that the comparison will be in her favor. You call her submissive, but it seems that there is scheming as well, meaning that she is not submissive because she cannot help it, but rather is submissive because this is her way of positioning herself. She is an adult woman - do not worry too much at the moment about being bad for her or spoiling/ruining her life and instead just focus on your own life.

You won't be able to just be with P without thinking of A because you cannot control or funnel your thoughts and the more you restrict yourself and forbid yourself thinking of A, the more you will be thinking of A. The only solution, which has been suggested above, is to distance yourself from both young women. Currently you are in a triangle and you won't be able to make a line segment out of it.

It seems that there is a lot of confusion and mess in your head and your relationships. You will be happier if you hit the pause button and take the time to figure it out for yourself. Also, investing in academics now will offer big time payoffs for decades to come. Make an earnest attempt to sever both relationships. In doing so, speak of your inability to handle relationships and needing to focus on academics - do not put any blame on either A or P.