[LiteraryLark]

I am worried about my dad. I came home today and realized I haven't had a meaningful conversation with him since I started school a month ago. He seems disinterested in both my daily life and school life. He's been retired since September and he's become very withdrawn. I texted my brother (who's in the military) and he says it is not me, my dad doesn't talk to him either. My dad has no hobbies, no "Dad's thing"--he goes out with my mom on errands and he reads, and that's about it. My mom has her art and cooking, I have work and school, and my brother has his military commitment. He had his muscle car he adored but his mom convinced him to trade it in for a truck. My dad hardly drives anymore because my mom is a terrible passenger (so she does all the driving).

So I feel bad for him and I feel sorry that we aren't talking much. I thought maybe it was my dramatic change in studying all the time, but my brother said my dad's been working his whole life and simply doesn't know what to do with himself. My brother and I agreed we'd find something for him to do. My brother said he's going to invite my dad to play fantasy baseball with him. But I don't know what to do with my dad. He's not a craftsman, he's not an artist, he's against fishing, he won't play board games, he already taught me what I need to know about cars, and every new activity he doesn't want to do without my mom. What I do know about my dad, is he loves to read, he loves horror movies and has a forum like this for horror movie enthusiasts, he loves cars, he's a grill master, he likes to cook, he enjoys doing dishes and laundry, he likes to fiddle in the garage (what exactly he does, no one knows, but he'll go into the garage for an hour and "fiddle"...I'm guessing organizing), he likes to walk along the beach, and he likes going on drives and going to see the movies.

I want to help find my dad a hobby, "Dad's thing", but I also want to find adult Father-Daughter activities to do with him so we can start bonding again.

Any ideas what my dad and I can do?

[Carmina]

Go to a horror movie together and meal afterwards?

As a dad to an adult daughter I can relate, I love spending dad-daughter time with her.

I don't think we can find other people "hobbies"--that motivation has to come from within.

However, I do agree that taking him to lunch or dinner and a movie is a great idea. So is joining him on walks on the beach (though that sounds like a summer thing where you live ) Does he like sports? Will he be watching the Superbowl? If he does, you could join him and watch it together.

[healingme4me]

Sounds like he already has his hobbies. Retirement is such a huge adjustment. That's why I see so many retirees back in the workforce with part time positions.

It will be good to find your father/daughter niche.

[Iloivar]

Maybe tell him what you told us? Ask him if he's alright, because you've noticed a change in behavior which has made you concerned.

Perhaps there's nothing wrong, or he just wont open up. But he might appreciate your concern.

As for spending time with your dad. Maybe you could ask him what he wants to do. Though you might not like what hr chooses. If that matter sto you, another option could be that both of you could try something new that you're both curious about.

[MickeyCheeky]

I think it's wonderful that you care so much about your dad, LiteraryLark I know how you feel. I have troubles bounding with my dad as well. I agree with Iloivar and all the others. Just talk to him about this and see how it goes from there. Tell him that you want to spend more time with him doing some fun activities. It doesn't have to do anything too complicated - just going out for lunch or dinnero, or going to see a movie together can be a good bonding experience in my opinion. Ask him what he'd like to do and see if you can reach a compromise. I'm usre your dad will be happy to spend some more time for you, even though he won't show it much, perhaps. Try not to take it too personally. It's not your fault. Perhaps he's just a quiet, introvert person. Although you certainly know him much better than I do! Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to you

[LiteraryLark]

The Prodigy is coming out next week and my mom is too scared/refuses to see it, so that might be a good horror movie to watch with my dad. I can take him out to lunch and see a movie with him, and we can go to the beach and look for glass floats.

I have another idea, and I asked my brother what he thinks because I'm not sure that if I explained it, it would make sense. So I'll skip it for now.

[LiteraryLark]

Today, I talked to my dad and offered that next weekend we have a father-daughter day and go out to lunch and see the Prodigy, and he seemed to perk up at the idea.

[Bill3]

You are being a wonderful daughter.

[LiteraryLark]

Next weekend I will focus on where HE wants to go for lunch and what HE wants to talk about. He's always asking what my mom wants to do or what I want to do, so I want to make sure my dad feels important.

[ArtleyWilkins]

My Dad's life centered around my mother for the almost 65 years they were married. He had lots of hobbies, but when it came to socializing, he basically followed my mom's lead.

After Mom passed away, we worried a bit about Dad because we were afraid he was lonely. Well, he was . . . for Mom. But as we talked to him we discovered he was perfectly fine not socializing; that was Mom's thing but it wasn't vital to him. He wasn't unhappy or even particularly lonely without socializing; he just missed Mom.

Your dad likes to be with your mom and follow her lead; that's okay; that's how they roll.

But finding your own time with your parents is kind and I'm sure your dad will enjoy it. Just don't try to "fix" him. He sounds like he's just trying to be thoughtful and considerate that activities are inclusive of everyone who might be interested.