[Bat_Orchid90]

This sounds stupid i know. It should be simple. If they are blood. They are family. But what about about marriage? That makes someone an addition to a family. What about family that is toxic? Do you just not consider them family? How about friends? Some people only have friends to turn to and are more family than blood relatives. Lately i find myself feeling a bit “off” with the term “ family”. Ive never been super close with my mom and the thought of her remarrying ( im happy for her) but.. i dont consider the man my “family” I don’t see him as a “step father” although legally that would be his title. I simply see him as my mothers spouse. We’ve never lived under the same roof, he never taught me anything to prepare me for adulthood. He’s never played a “father” role in my life so i dont see him as such. Same as his daughter. I met her one time, and she never spoke a word to me. I dont consider her a sister? Yet somehow i feel as though the rest of my family seea me as an asshole for that.. am I ? Maybe.. but I alsocant help how I feel:/... same with my fathers side. He has children who are technically half siblings however I’ve only seen them a couple times for a few moments... huge age gap, and we again, never lived under the same roof.. and these meet and greets on both sides of the family have been throughout the last 6 yrs.... idk... I’m just not sure how to feel i guess. Who do you consider family?

[WishfulThinker66]

Ah, this is an interesting debate here.

I grew up thousands of kilometres away from blood family. I have first cousins I have barely met but once that I have no clue about now that we are adults. But, as a consequence, I also grew up with aunts and uncles who really are of no relation at all.

When I married my second husband and took on the role of full-time parent to his son, I for a time considered myself every bit his real mother. Circumstances gradually changed that to the point I am now quite happily estranged from the now grown man. Now, even though my children have always been close to their biological father they still consider their step-father a father too.

Yes, it is all quite complicated. I am with another man now, one I feel closer to and more love for than his predecessors. He comes with family too. Do I consider them to be family? Rather loosely is the way I would describe it. They are 'family' yet not quite family to me if that makes any sense.

Meanwhile, it has been 50 years and I still consider those close friends of my parents close family. I still refer to them as Uncle this and Aunt that.

I have a hard time with this. “Family” had been difficult for me all my life. I still try to sort through where I might be contributing to problems so I can change my own behavior. I can’t change theirs though. For me, family are the people who really care about you. That’s very few people for me. My SIL, for example... I don’t consider him family because of the way he treats me. But I treat him with respect and I’m stuck seeing him whether I want to or not. I just don’t call that family...

I don't consider myself as having a family. I grew up in a very dysfunctional one and I moved away. They fight constantly and I am not a fighter. Best I can do with a couple of them is try to maintain a level of basic peace between us but that certainly doesn't feel like "family" to me. I will see what the future brings and let you folks know. Haha. It's a very interesting question you've raised. It has both perplexed and tormented me for years to be honest. I would love to be part of a family. I've badly wanted that ever since childhood when I felt more like a little alien surrounded by highly critical and angry "family" members.

[eskielover]

I have no family except my daughter. I do not consider my EX to be family nor do I even communicate with anyone of his family. My daughter keeps me informed if how they are doing & I am sad as I would be sad for anyone those things happened to.....but they are NOT family.

I have some 3rd cousins floating around somewhere but lost complete touch after my mom died in 2005. I do not feel any loss. I have been adopted by several families where I have moved. They are so much more functional than my family ever was....it us kinda a real relief not to have that dysfunction in my life any more. Sad when family dies....even sadder when there is a sense of peace that comes with it. But loving my life finally

[piggy momma]

I’m adopted, so if family is defined by blood relatives, I have none.

I consider family the people I grew up with - my mom, my brother, my dad (now deceased).

After that it gets too complicated for me. Both my parents remarried and brought other children to the relationship but I don’t consider them family. I met my bio mom and bro once 20 years ago. I don’t consider them family.

I am estranged from all my aunts and uncles and cousins, so I don’t consider them family anymore either.

Basically I base it on who I have a relationship with at this point in my life.