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#1
Just writing on the "bathroom wall" then erasing the graffeti helped.
Last edited by Anonymous55879; Mar 13, 2019 at 06:19 PM.. |
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Anonymous49426, Bill3, MickeyCheeky, Yzen
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MickeyCheeky, Yzen
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#2
Always helpful to have a big eraser.
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Anonymous55879, MickeyCheeky
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MickeyCheeky
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#3
I am sorry for this, what does he do or say?
__________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
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MickeyCheeky
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#4
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When I am really struggling, I overshare on here about my H and son, so I am trying not to do as much of that anymore and have improved but still have a ways to go. Yesterday was one of those days where I felt anxious and depressed. On those days, I vacilate between my kids are struggling because of my mental illness (and I am lucky that my H hasn't left me/supports me) verses my H caused the problems (not wanting to be specific) and I am just as guilty because I wasn't brave enough to leave. The way my mind jumps from one conclusion to the other--literally makes me feel like I am going mad. I feel a little better this morning and my H's hug and supportive words meant the world to me this morning. I am glad I erased the graffeti! |
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Bill3, MickeyCheeky, Open Eyes
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MickeyCheeky
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#5
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Looking at things from that perspective it is easy to think that you are a failure or at least internalize that you are a failure. But I do not believe that is the case. I believe that you are very introspective to be thinking about things this way.It's important to take care of yourself. That means beyond pleasing others or making sure everybody else is OK. Taking care of yourself can be something as simple as getting proper sleep to something as elaborate as getting therapy. Whatever works for you. Just as long as you don't forget your self and pull yourself out of the equation. __________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
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Anonymous55879, MickeyCheeky
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MickeyCheeky, s4ndm4n2006
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#6
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My H never expected me to be perfect. The first time we interacted was when I called asking for help concerning someone who worked for him and did not show up at a work event I had organized. Like many men, he fell for a damsel in distress. We have been married more than 31 years and he still rescues me on a regular basis. I appreciate that he has always been there for me. |
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MickeyCheeky
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#7
I’m glad you’re feeling better. It’s not fair to place all the blame on one person but we all get fed up and say things we really don’t mean.
If you can’t share your feelings here, where do you go to talk? I feel like I over share too... |
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Anonymous55879, MickeyCheeky, Open Eyes
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#8
When my husband got home, I told him exactly how I was feeling about him. Mostly, he eventually talked some sense into me. Though there is still an area of disagreement but I am going to keep that between us. My T (don't go much but I still practice some of what I learned) did encourage me to not be afraid to express my feelings and have better boundaries and I have made progress in these areas. I also PM'd a friend on PC--I feel like that is more private. Feel free to PM me anytime.
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MickeyCheeky, Open Eyes, winter4me
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MickeyCheeky
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#9
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Communication is always the key. Feel free to PM me as well. My counselor did not work out but maybe I can eventually find one that I can connect with. |
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Anonymous55879, MickeyCheeky, Open Eyes
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MickeyCheeky
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#10
I'm glad you're feeling a bit better, Nowinners! Sometimes venting can be really helpful, even if we don't really believe the things we're saying. Feel free to PM me anytime as well. I'll always be here for you. Sending many hugs to you, Nowinners. You're a strong, wonderful person
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Anonymous55879
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#11
Great you are feeling better about the situation; yet, I think it still would be prudent to be taking some action on this. Be proactive.
Support groups are great for all sides on the matter. Many communities have support groups for just this sort of thing; meetings for family and support persons of those with mood disorders or other mental health concerns. Also, it could be good for you and your son to attend your own. Some of these groups will welcome the attendance of a support person. The group in another city I lived in did so and I could tell it was of great benefit for it changed the perspective of the loved one by seeing that there are people who have been having a success at some level of recovery and living with their illness. So too I would check with your community mental health organisations for resources available for your husband. He need not feel alone dealing with this. He need not be alone in not completely understanding this either. |
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Anonymous55879, MickeyCheeky
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MickeyCheeky
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#12
I empathize with how hard it must be to be somewhat at odds with your husband in regards on how to raise the kids. I was very blessed to have no resistance from my husband in raising our kids. Hooray for small miracles! But, that opposition for you had nothing to do with anyone having MI. It was your core values regarding raising children.
Even if you feel you had much success and no conflict with your kids, it’s bound to hit you sometime. I say this because I just had a little head butt with my son, which surprised me to have had happen. What we feel good about in parenting, vs. what we feel bad about; I’m not so sure it matters so much in the relationships moving forward. __________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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Anonymous55879, MickeyCheeky
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#13
You are totally right about aspects of this. My H was raised to be more self sufficient--he paid for his cars, college, etc. on his own and was expected to work in his father's hayfield and his father's other part time jobs from a very young age. I was given a car to drive at 16 and had my college tuition and housing paid for. We both wanted to carry these aspects about our upbringing into how we raised our children and they were completely opposite at times.
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MickeyCheeky
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MickeyCheeky
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#14
Your husband’s attitude about whomever was ‘mostly the problem’ speaks to a lot. Your family has a big problem. Who cares who is mostly at fault, or at fault at all. That’s so petty of him to say and says a lot about him, IMHO. I know, I’m dealing with same.
__________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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Anonymous55879, MickeyCheeky
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#15
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My H commends me a lot with coming so far (being more and more stable since my attempt). He is more positive than negative. I take a some of my frustrations out on him and sometimes he reacts negatively. He is only human. But you are right, our family still has a lot of big problems that we need to work out. We were not working on the right problems for many years. The children are the ones who pay the price in these situations. I will always feel like I owe something to my children that I can never repay or undo because of my actions. Last edited by Anonymous55879; Mar 18, 2019 at 08:45 AM.. |
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MickeyCheeky
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#16
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Yesterday, during our walk, I stressed to my husband how inhuman it has been to let this go on. He stressed that we have no choice because of our son's actions and that things are getting better. I told him that from my POV, our son has not improved and if he has a mental illness, his homelessness is making it worse. I believe my H feels like there has been an improvement because I have improved and am not making the situation worse. However, during the conversation, I felt like he used phrases that I have used in my posts. I am from a rural area out West end went to some very lax public schools so I sometimes use some pretty unsophisticated expressions like "woulda, shoulda, coulda" though my H may have picked up on this from conversing with me (this is not at all typical of how he speaks). So here I go again feeling a bit paranoid. When I feel that way I have learned to take my full medications. After expressing exactly how I felt to H, it made me feel better but he was a real "bear" when getting ready for work this morning. I suppose he is entitled to have bad days too. I am keeping him in the loop regarding our son and it just is a very tough topic for us to deal with. It feels like a never ending nightmare sometimes...... |
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MickeyCheeky, TishaBuv
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#17
I don't know if this helps or not, but I had it pointed out to me very recently, that with our kids, sometimes we, as parents, have given them as many doors and presented opportunities but at some point, there's a shift where the child whether adult or becoming one determines their own path and that path is up to them and the outcome rests on their shoulders and their shoulders alone.
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Anonymous55879, MickeyCheeky
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MickeyCheeky
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#18
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MickeyCheeky
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healingme4me, MickeyCheeky
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#19
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