Codependent

Has anyone ever experienced codependency in a relationship? Anyone ever felt like they were people pleaser?

I'm not a people pleaser but I'm in a very codependent relationship. I've been in it for 5 years now and have wanted to leave for the majority of it.

I think many of us have experienced codependency in relationships. I think it's very common for people with mental illness to attract or be a part of the lives of other people with mental illness. The key is recognizing it and moving forward from it. It is not a healthy way to live. Sometimes we have to disengage from people that we love because of codependency

Yes. And yes.

Yes, I was very codependent with my ex wife.

Oh yeah, it's part of being an INFJ. But I'm working on it.

Yes, sometimes I didn't even realize it because it crept up on me after many years and I was modeling some of my dad's codependent behaviors. Some of it I need to change or have already changed. Talking about my interactions between my H and son and me with a therapist helped. Where you draw the line is your own choice. I am learning better when to say "No" but sometimes I also want to do things for others. That is OK too.

When you are married, you depend on each other. So you have to make compromises with your partner that make sense for both of you. How dependent you are on each other is a personal choice from my POV.

Yes and I am always working on it. Once you see it, you never want to fall back into it but you have to stay aware.

It sounds like this might be an issue for me. I’ve certainly never been called a people pleaser, lol! Perhaps I do eventually do exactly as they want, just after I bytch and cry about it. Yuck ME

Do not consider myself a "people pleaser" by any means but I have let things slide when it comes to loved ones. Not a lot of stuff but "too much" in hindsight. I've gotten better over the years and now it's a situational issue.
For example, pretty sure my current relationship is one of codependency. Things are much more complicated than I'm willing to say atm. But yes, I have been in a codependent relationship and it sucks. And depending on what kind of dependency you fall under (or if you're the one someone is dependent on), you can feel trapped.

Yes that's it. The important thing you can is be aware and stay aware. Awareness of the truth of the relationship and how fair is to you both. imho.