[ss86]

I met a guy a few months back on a night out through mutual friends of his, and I was immediately drawn to him. We chatted a good bit of the night, and after I left I added him on social media, because I felt we had a spark.

I commented on a few of his things, and messaged him to try and engage, but he never acknowledged anything so I figured maybe I read it wrong and just let it go. Fast forward a month and there is another night out at the bar and he is there with friends. He comes up to me and introduces me to them, and we chat again. I end up leaving before him very drunk, and stupidly text him after leaving telling him I would love to get dinner with him because I am into him. He replies telling me he loves the compliment but he is with somebody (which sucks because there is nothing on social media that hints at this).

So I get my closure, let it go and try and move on....only ever since I told him I like him he hasn't stopped commenting on my social media, which he hasn't done before (5 times in a week), and then the other day he even messaged me directly making fun of a comment I had made about liking something he doesn't, so his messaged said this is why we cant be together, but he was very playful and put a smiley face.

So now I don't really know what to do, because I left it alone after finding out he is not single, but ever since he has known I like him he keeps trying to engage. Should I feel bad for engaging, and do you think he is being out of order to his gf? I don't really know how to take his behavior, and he could maybe just want to be friends, but we have only met twice. Thoughts?

[divine1966]

Honestly commenting or messaging on Facebook means absolutely nothing. I’d not read into it.

Originally Posted by ss86

I met a guy a few months back on a night out through mutual friends of his, and I was immediately drawn to him. We chatted a good bit of the night, and after I left I added him on social media, because I felt we had a spark.

I commented on a few of his things, and messaged him to try and engage, but he never acknowledged anything so I figured maybe I read it wrong and just let it go. Fast forward a month and there is another night out at the bar and he is there with friends. He comes up to me and introduces me to them, and we chat again. I end up leaving before him very drunk, and stupidly text him after leaving telling him I would love to get dinner with him because I am into him. He replies telling me he loves the compliment but he is with somebody (which sucks because there is nothing on social media that hints at this).

So I get my closure, let it go and try and move on....only ever since I told him I like him he hasn't stopped commenting on my social media, which he hasn't done before (5 times in a week), and then the other day he even messaged me directly making fun of a comment I had made about liking something he doesn't, so his messaged said this is why we cant be together, but he was very playful and put a smiley face.

So now I don't really know what to do, because I left it alone after finding out he is not single, but ever since he has known I like him he keeps trying to engage. Should I feel bad for engaging, and do you think he is being out of order to his gf? I don't really know how to take his behavior, and he could maybe just want to be friends, but we have only met twice. Thoughts?

Interesting post ss86. Thanks for sharing. It's a shame he is already taken; sounds like you really liked him. You asked if he is being out of order to his gf. Not at all. Men can talk to whoever they please, in and out of a relationship. Same for women. He isn't flirting with you or inviting you on dates so I see nothing awry. If he does start flirting or being inappropriate, you can simply ignore him and he'll give up. No worries.

As far as responding to your social media, perhaps he finds you to be an interesting person and likes reading your posts (men sometimes get presented as impossibly sexual about everything but that's just a reductive stereotype) or perhaps he was flattered by your compliment to him and enjoys attention from you. The latter situation could turn into something you don't want but you don't yet have enough info to tell.

Either way, I think the important part is how you feel. Are you comfortable messaging with this guy knowing that he won't date you or would you rather not communicate with him at all? That's entirely up to you. Do whatever feels more comfortable and peaceful for you in your own life. I would discourage you from trying to guess his motives or thought process. I don't see any value in that for you.

If you are interested in finding a partner, I hope a lovely single guy is in your future! No reason why he wouldn't be! And fair play to you for being brave and telling the first guy how you felt before you knew he had a gf....nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? That courage could serve you well in the future when you meet someone interesting who is also available

[Bill3]

I think his comment “this is why we can’t be together” was inconsiderate; he makes light of what he has good reason to think is a serious concern of yours.

[~Christina]

I would just block him , why put up with it ?

[sarahsweets]

Originally Posted by SilverTrees

Interesting post ss86. Thanks for sharing. It's a shame he is already taken; sounds like you really liked him. You asked if he is being out of order to his gf. Not at all. Men can talk to whoever they please, in and out of a relationship. Same for women. He isn't flirting with you or inviting you on dates so I see nothing awry. If he does start flirting or being inappropriate, you can simply ignore him and he'll give up. No worries.

As far as responding to your social media, perhaps he finds you to be an interesting person and likes reading your posts (men sometimes get presented as impossibly sexual about everything but that's just a reductive stereotype) or perhaps he was flattered by your compliment to him and enjoys attention from you. The latter situation could turn into something you don't want but you don't yet have enough info to tell.

Either way, I think the important part is how you feel. Are you comfortable messaging with this guy knowing that he won't date you or would you rather not communicate with him at all? That's entirely up to you. Do whatever feels more comfortable and peaceful for you in your own life. I would discourage you from trying to guess his motives or thought process. I don't see any value in that for you.

If you are interested in finding a partner, I hope a lovely single guy is in your future! No reason why he wouldn't be! And fair play to you for being brave and telling the first guy how you felt before you knew he had a gf....nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? That courage could serve you well in the future when you meet someone interesting who is also available

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by ss86

I met a guy a few months back on a night out through mutual friends of his, and I was immediately drawn to him. We chatted a good bit of the night, and after I left I added him on social media, because I felt we had a spark.

I commented on a few of his things, and messaged him to try and engage, but he never acknowledged anything so I figured maybe I read it wrong and just let it go. Fast forward a month and there is another night out at the bar and he is there with friends. He comes up to me and introduces me to them, and we chat again. I end up leaving before him very drunk, and stupidly text him after leaving telling him I would love to get dinner with him because I am into him. He replies telling me he loves the compliment but he is with somebody (which sucks because there is nothing on social media that hints at this).

So I get my closure, let it go and try and move on....only ever since I told him I like him he hasn't stopped commenting on my social media, which he hasn't done before (5 times in a week), and then the other day he even messaged me directly making fun of a comment I had made about liking something he doesn't, so his messaged said this is why we cant be together, but he was very playful and put a smiley face.

So now I don't really know what to do, because I left it alone after finding out he is not single, but ever since he has known I like him he keeps trying to engage. Should I feel bad for engaging, and do you think he is being out of order to his gf? I don't really know how to take his behavior, and he could maybe just want to be friends, but we have only met twice. Thoughts?

His commenting on your fb, in combination with messaging you and the way he is doing it, is entirely due to your professing that you're attracted to him. In my opinion his behavior while mild, is a yellow warning flag about him. It speaks volumes that he's taking the time to comment and engage with you when he already has a gf. Why? Because his whole attention is based on the fact that you're already attracted to him and it says to me that he, in spite of being involved is toying with other women in this way. Flirting off hand occasionally happens but this is intentional and purposefully done.

Best case scenario he's just enjoying your attention and means nothing by it but even so that's entirely unfair to you and is really an attempt to keep you on a string. Worst case, he's the type that now or eventually he will probably cheat on his gf and is that really the kind of guy you want to associate with?

My first wife, I met as she approached me and gave me her number, we were both young. I called her and then she mentioned she already has a bf. I told her straight up, "call me if you're single again" That was a mistake because she did, we ended up together, and pretty much the entire marriage of about 6 yrs, she cheated on me repeatedly before I finally had the solid evidence on it and called her out.

I only add my experience because people that are devoted and committed dont' play games with others that happen to have an attraction to them.

[MrBrains]

Originally Posted by ss86

I met a guy a few months back on a night out through mutual friends of his, and I was immediately drawn to him. We chatted a good bit of the night, and after I left I added him on social media, because I felt we had a spark.

I commented on a few of his things, and messaged him to try and engage, but he never acknowledged anything so I figured maybe I read it wrong and just let it go. Fast forward a month and there is another night out at the bar and he is there with friends. He comes up to me and introduces me to them, and we chat again. I end up leaving before him very drunk, and stupidly text him after leaving telling him I would love to get dinner with him because I am into him. He replies telling me he loves the compliment but he is with somebody (which sucks because there is nothing on social media that hints at this).

So I get my closure, let it go and try and move on....only ever since I told him I like him he hasn't stopped commenting on my social media, which he hasn't done before (5 times in a week), and then the other day he even messaged me directly making fun of a comment I had made about liking something he doesn't, so his messaged said this is why we cant be together, but he was very playful and put a smiley face.

So now I don't really know what to do, because I left it alone after finding out he is not single, but ever since he has known I like him he keeps trying to engage. Should I feel bad for engaging, and do you think he is being out of order to his gf? I don't really know how to take his behavior, and he could maybe just want to be friends, but we have only met twice. Thoughts?

Men sometimes hone and practice their seduction communication skills towards women, on women they are not truly interested in, without the intent of a relationship. I would not engage him in anyway until he engages you again. Then I would remind him your not interested in him while he is in a relationship. How old is he?

[WishfulThinker66]

Two things: Commenting on your FB is not necessarily an indication of anything. More importantly however, he told you he has a girlfriend. I think you have an obligation to both him and her to heed and observe this. If it turns out he doesn't he isn't someone you want to take on anyway.

[divine1966]

Perhaps he says he has girlfriend because he didn’t know what else to say if he isn’t interested. I’d stop contacting him

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, ss86 I agree with what all the others have already wisely said better than I ever could. You've been given some great advice on this thread. I'd suggest to follow it if you can. I'll try not to repeat it too much. I agree that he probably enjoys the attention from you since he knows you're attracted to him. That's just my opinion, though. I may be completely wrong. That's just the feeling I get and of course I'm just assuming. I'd suggest to just ignore those comments if they're bothering you, or perhaps just give a short reply and try not to engage in lengthy conversations with him. If he start to become flirty with your, you may want to consider to block him on social media. If he's willing to cheat on his girlfriend, he may do the same thing to you. Just try to ignore him or not to pay too much attention to him right now, otherwise you may feel even worse. Just try to take care of yourself. Perhaps you could start looking for other people to go out with. Anything that may help you with this. You're a strong, wonderful person and you deserve to be loved and to get better Just try not to talk to him too much if you can. It may just be more hurtful to you. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this, ss86 Please don't give up. You're a strong, wonderful person. I hope things will get better soon for you. I'm sure you'll be able to get through all of this. Keep fighting! You can do this! I believe in you! We all believe in you! We're all rooting for you!

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

His commenting on your fb, in combination with messaging you and the way he is doing it, is entirely due to your professing that you're attracted to him. In my opinion his behavior while mild, is a yellow warning flag about him. It speaks volumes that he's taking the time to comment and engage with you when he already has a gf. Why? Because his whole attention is based on the fact that you're already attracted to him and it says to me that he, in spite of being involved is toying with other women in this way. Flirting off hand occasionally happens but this is intentional and purposefully done.

Best case scenario he's just enjoying your attention and means nothing by it but even so that's entirely unfair to you and is really an attempt to keep you on a string. Worst case, he's the type that now or eventually he will probably cheat on his gf and is that really the kind of guy you want to associate with?

My first wife, I met as she approached me and gave me her number, we were both young. I called her and then she mentioned she already has a bf. I told her straight up, "call me if you're single again" That was a mistake because she did, we ended up together, and pretty much the entire marriage of about 6 yrs, she cheated on me repeatedly before I finally had the solid evidence on it and called her out.

I only add my experience because people that are devoted and committed dont' play games with others that happen to have an attraction to them.

After reading your story, I agree with these thoughts. He seems to be enjoying the interest from you and is responding to it. To tell a woman "this is why we can't be together" is also very leading. I don't think you even asked him if you could be together, lol. He is being kind of a dirt bag, I think, and it's not fair to you or to his girlfriend.

I had a guy I had to break up with because he couldn't commit to me exclusively, and all of a sudden after that, he started commenting and engaging with a lot of my Facebook posts, which I took to me "please still have sex with me". Which as it turns out, is exactly what he wanted. Just sayin'.

Since he has a gf, I would stop engaging with him and move on with your life instead. But that's just what I would personally do if it were me.

[ss86]

Thank you all so much for your feedback. To the person who said stop contacting him, I am not sure if you meant when he talks to me, but I would like to make it clear that since I found out he is taken I never comment or like anything on his page, and I haven't once reached out. This is all him initiating.

Also, I agree with the whole "this is why we can't be together," thing. It was about something super silly too so I am not sure if that is his way of playfully flirting, but it was a weird thing to say because it is like he has thought about it?

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by ss86

Thank you all so much for your feedback. To the person who said stop contacting him, I am not sure if you meant when he talks to me, but I would like to make it clear that since I found out he is taken I never comment or like anything on his page, and I haven't once reached out. This is all him initiating.

Also, I agree with the whole "this is why we can't be together," thing. It was about something super silly too so I am not sure if that is his way of playfully flirting, but it was a weird thing to say because it is like he has thought about it?

You’d never know why he or anyone do anything. Waste of your energy.

[sarahsweets]

You should block him and unfollow him to avoid all contact.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by ss86

Thank you all so much for your feedback. To the person who said stop contacting him, I am not sure if you meant when he talks to me, but I would like to make it clear that since I found out he is taken I never comment or like anything on his page, and I haven't once reached out. This is all him initiating.

Also, I agree with the whole "this is why we can't be together," thing. It was about something super silly too so I am not sure if that is his way of playfully flirting, but it was a weird thing to say because it is like he has thought about it?

If he just comments on your Facebook page it doesn’t mean he initiates or engages. If you are friends on Facebook, that’s what friends on Facebook do. If you don’t want him to comment on your posts, block him and unfollow as other poster suggested