[LiteraryLark]

I'm tired of feeling good all day then coming home and getting pissed off. Literally you had all day to watch a movie. Why did you wait till I came home to watch a movie? It's like you're asking to get mad about something. My parents are pissed off because they waited for me to come home before starting a movie, and then they get mad because I needed to wash my work clothes. And then my cat threw up on my bed AGAIN for the third time in the past two days. She's ruined three comforters I had since I moved here. I'm ready to toss her outside. I'm pissed. It's like no matter how great my day is, my parents will find some reason to make me upset, and then they blame me for being in a bad mood all the time. They're always complaining about what I do or don't do, and they threaten to kick me out all the time, but then they turn around and say I have to live with them FOREVER because it saves me money than to live on my own. Like, the stars have to align and the second coming of Christ needs to happen before they think I'm ready to move out. And by the time that happens, they'll be old and frail and will need to rely on me to take care of them because I choose to become a nurse. Many people tell me I should just move out, I'm old enough, etc. and I know my answers have always been weak, but as of now I'm on a wait list for low-income housing. I have a good set up now where I work three days and go to school four days. I simply am not in a place where I can support myself right now, but it just pisses me off that the household is always tense and there's always stepping on toes and I have to play parent and therapist and financial aid and I'm always giving and it's a one-way street. I just want to be on my own and I'm afraid it's never going to happen.

[Bill3]

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by LiteraryLark

I'm tired of feeling good all day then coming home and getting pissed off. Literally you had all day to watch a movie. Why did you wait till I came home to watch a movie? It's like you're asking to get mad about something. My parents are pissed off because they waited for me to come home before starting a movie, and then they get mad because I needed to wash my work clothes. And then my cat threw up on my bed AGAIN for the third time in the past two days. She's ruined three comforters I had since I moved here. I'm ready to toss her outside. I'm pissed. It's like no matter how great my day is, my parents will find some reason to make me upset, and then they blame me for being in a bad mood all the time. They're always complaining about what I do or don't do, and they threaten to kick me out all the time, but then they turn around and say I have to live with them FOREVER because it saves me money than to live on my own. Like, the stars have to align and the second coming of Christ needs to happen before they think I'm ready to move out. And by the time that happens, they'll be old and frail and will need to rely on me to take care of them because I choose to become a nurse. Many people tell me I should just move out, I'm old enough, etc. and I know my answers have always been weak, but as of now I'm on a wait list for low-income housing. I have a good set up now where I work three days and go to school four days. I simply am not in a place where I can support myself right now, but it just pisses me off that the household is always tense and there's always stepping on toes and I have to play parent and therapist and financial aid and I'm always giving and it's a one-way street. I just want to be on my own and I'm afraid it's never going to happen.

I understand most of everything here and feel for ya about having to rely on parents if it's tense there but the one thing I am curious about is what about starting a movie when you get home ticks you off? I'm sorry if I've missed something but why does that bother you?

[Open Eyes]

It doesn't sound to me like it has anything to do with sitting and watching a movie. It's more about how as soon as Literary walks in the door her parents expect something of her. That is hard after having a busy day with work or school when so much is expected of someone. It would be nice to be able to just come home and relax and focus on "self" in whatever way "self" needs to relax and unwind.

Literary, it's normal to get to a point where you want to have control over your own life. It sounds like you are more than ready for that, but you need to finish school so you can get a better job where you can support yourself on your own.

[Fuzzybear]

[LiteraryLark]

It's like I walk through the front door and the energy is awful; an anger just washes over me. I came home today after buying some things to pay off my "debt" (They covered my tax fee of $XYZ and asked to pay it off little by little however way I can.) I knew what the reaction would be, and as I drove home I got angrier and angrier. I was surprised when I walked through the door and my mom smiled cheerfully at me (which rarely happens these days) and I explained I bought some things to repay her. I told her how I went to the pet store and how nice the workers are when they helped me decide on cat food, and she rolled her eyes and sighed. Then I showed her the goodies I bought for her at Goodwill and she said "uh-huh. Good." to which what her tone and body language implied was "Ugh, whatever." I decided I would go out for dinner because I can't stand to be at home. I thought I'd at least say hi to my dad. There was no enthusiasm in his voice as he said hello and he didn't even look at me. I told him I'd be going out for dinner and his tone of voice as he said "that'd be good" was "that'd be good that you'd be gone for a while". I miss the days when my parents would do their best to convince me that they'd really like to spend time with me. Now it seems like they're doing everything they can to keep me out of the house, complain when I'm home, and yet at the same time tell me I can "live with them forever". Why? A lot of the times they'll say things like, "I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at what I'm going through" or they'll apologize and say everyone is feeling fragile, but it happens so often that I wonder if I'm the problem and it hurts. It doesn't make me want to stay at home for any length of time. I'm so upset with everything, and I don't know how to tell them I'll be moving out in six-to-eight months. I don't know what reaction I'd get, or what the consequences would be for however length of time it takes for me to move out. It's so frustrating. I'm lost and I'm hurting.

[downandlonely]

Living with your parents as an adult is rough. I had to do it for a year between college and grad school. I hope you can get out on your own soon.

[Open Eyes]

Do yourself a favor Literary, don't tell them you plan on moving out. You don't have to tell them everything about your life and yourself now, you are not a child anymore but an adult that wants to have your own life.
It's ok to want that too, make sure you remind yourself of that.

[s4ndm4n2006]

There is a natural expectation for parents of adult children to hope they will either pull their weight in the household and share the same values if they live with them or find a way to get out on their own to live their own life. Now before you object to what I'm saying I am not justifying what your parents are saying or doing, as I do not have first hand experience of what is going on.

Your parents may be between a rock and a hard place in the sense that it is clear they are not happy with something you are doing or with the situation but are bound by their initial promise that they would let you live there "forever" It may be nothing short of that you are all butting heads because truthfully it would be best for you to get out on your own and move out (which I realize you are working on) but having framed the situation as if being parents that are ok with you living there forever, they are hard pressed to say they may just want you to live on your own now. And this may be their dilemma causing a lot of stress and frustration in their minds. And it's coming out as rude, sometimes dismissive attitudes. I know, I may be way off, but I'm speaking as a parent myself of adult children.

Again this does not justify their behavior but trying to give you some insight to what they may be thinking and feeling. it may or may not be possible but having an honest conversation of what it is that they are frustrated about may help. if you did this approaching it without being adversarial or accusatory, it may surprise you to find out what they are thinking. Just a thought on possibilities. Either way going through life frustrated and angry is no good.

You are working on moving out already and that's ideal in almost every case of adult children at some point so this is good. spending too much time worrying about the "consequences" when the time comes is useless. it may or may not be a smooth transition but being 6 months from now why not spare yourself the stress and put that in the folder with "bridges to cross when we are at them" ?

As for the time being, if you opt out of having an honest conversation which is a completely acceptable choice, then find ways to limit the time you have that will risk uncomfortable situations. find way to stay out, or away, give both parties time to have some peaceful solitude. I don't know how hard that would be but it's worth looking into.

hope this helps.

[LiteraryLark]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

Your parents may be between a rock and a hard place in the sense that it is clear they are not happy with something you are doing or with the situation but are bound by their initial promise that they would let you live there "forever" It may be nothing short of that you are all butting heads because truthfully it would be best for you to get out on your own and move out (which I realize you are working on) but having framed the situation as if being parents that are ok with you living there forever, they are hard pressed to say they may just want you to live on your own now. And this may be their dilemma causing a lot of stress and frustration in their minds. And it's coming out as rude, sometimes dismissive attitudes. I know, I may be way off, but I'm speaking as a parent myself of adult children.

As for the time being, if you opt out of having an honest conversation which is a completely acceptable choice, then find ways to limit the time you have that will risk uncomfortable situations. find way to stay out, or away, give both parties time to have some peaceful solitude. I don't know how hard that would be but it's worth looking into.

hope this helps.

This does help, thank you. They've really been crossing boundaries and really doing everything to make me not want to stay, but I can't just move out right now so I'm stuck. It's almost pointless to try to have an honest conversation with them. I've tried, and they go back to zinging me every chance they get. They've simply "checked" out, good day or bad day they simply don't care.