When someone who treated you or others poorly in the past receives the same treatment

Has anyone known someone who may have treated you or others poorly in the past receive the same treatment? If so, did you feel bad for them or did you not care as much since they were treating you or someone else the same way? I've known people who have treated me poorly, such as ignoring me in social situations on purpose while only talking to me one-on-one. Other times I've been gossiped about. Even though a lot of that has subsided by now, I have seen some people who I still know from back then receive the same treatment.

The person who ignored me in social situations but was fine with me one-on-one hates it when people do that to her and, understandably so, gets very upset. Same for those who have been gossiped about. Now with people who never treated me or others poorly in a deliberate manner, I may feel more sympathetic and understand where they're coming from. But with people who are complaining about receiving the same treatment that they have given me or others, I don't feel as bad.

I can understand their feelings, but at the same time, I will be thinking, well that's what you used to do so hopefully this is a learning lesson. I know it sounds rude but that's just how I think. Do you have less sympathy for those who receive the same poor treatment that they have given others? I can still agree with what they say. It is a horrible feeling to be gossiped about or be ignored, but at the same time, if they treated someone the same way, then I will actually think it is sort of a learning lesson and may even get them to not act that way towards anyone else. Does anyone else have this mindset? No one should be treated this way, but if someone is treating others poorly and they get the same treatment, I feel like it could be a learning lesson and may even get them to stop acting the way they do.

The person who treated me poorly in social situations no longer treats me like that anymore. She is nice to me both one-on-one and social situations. So I think she may have matured and learned which I'm glad. But for other people who I really don't associate with anymore, they clearly never changed so my sympathy for them goes out the window when they receive the same poor treatment they give others. Those who really haven't changed are those who gossip a lot. They seem to think they can gossip about others but get super mad when others gossip about them, or if they just think others might be gossiping about them. In some cases, no one is and they are just assuming they are being talked about either due to knowing that what they are doing is wrong or just paranoia.

When I get mistreated, I wonder if I got it because I gave it first. I am usually baffled, because I find I didn’t do anything to deserve it. When I have been guilty, I have stopped and made amends. For some reason, I am always the one apologizing.

I do not like to see anyone get hurt, even if they are abusive to me. I will still defend and protect them.

Yeah that can happen too. I’m sure everyone is prone to doing something by accident. Ignoring someone probably being the most common thing that can happen both purposely and on accident. And I agree, no one deserves to be treated that way. I don’t wish that on others but for some people I may see it as a learning lesson from them and hope they realize how it feels to be on the receiving end of mistreatment that is deliberate.

I never feel good about anyone being mistreated but my level of sympathy will be tempered with the knowledge that it's probably good for them to get a taste of their own medicine.

Exactly. That’s what I mean. It doesn’t feel good. I’m not thinking, yaaay, that person is suffering and I hope it continues. It is more along the lines of, sorry that is happening but just know that this is how others feel when you treat them poorly. And I hope that after getting a taste of their own medicine, they will change. Which can happen.

I struggle with this a bit. I don't generally feel hopping-up-and-down happy when someone gets paid back in kind for their bad behaviour, but there's definitely a bit of satisfaction or even a sense of vindication. This happened when a former boss, who had been a key player in me losing a job, was indicted and convicted on business-related criminal charges. If nothing else, it helped me make sense of the misery I had experienced in my last few months at that job, and put the whole experience into the past.

Exactly. I totally agree. Kind of like mentally saying to someone, “See how that feels? Maybe now you won’t treat others that way.” And I’m sorry you had to deal with that. Glad it is put behind you and you are no longer in misery.

it's like when you have kids, you tell them "when you are older and have to deal with [insert event] you'll understand. Though you don't explicitly wish the hard lessons on them you know they will probably have to learn that way XD

Yep exactly!

Its hard to not feel satisfied, vindicated or smug when someone gets a taste of their own medicine. But I tend to hope they learn from it. Its not so satisfying when they get the same treatment but do not learn and keep on treating people badly.

Exactly. Totally agree. Yeah like I mentioned, it is a feeling of being sorry it happened but hope they learned their lesson.

I wonder if these people even realize that they are being treated the same way they treated you. The narc abusers I know only view themselves as "victims" who are "never wrong."

As far as my sympathy for them, I think it depends on whether they caused it or whether they were innocent. If what they did themselves backfired on them (like they gossiped, got caught, and were shunned out from the social circle), then I wouldn't feel bad, since they are reaping the consequences of their own toxic action.

But if they were completely innocent (which is less likely) I may feel bad for them.

Yeah I agree.

This is an interesting and timely thread for me because I’m dealing with this type of situation right now. Someone who treated me very badly is getting the same treatment from some other people unexpectedly. I’m in a position to look at this as basically an outside observer. I’m not getting involved. I believe in karma.
I believe that what goes around comes around. And I’ve seen it over and over again. Inside I get a certain amount of satisfaction in her getting to feel like she made me feel. But on the other hand I feel a certain amount of sympathy regardless. Like was said though, as a narcissist I doubt she feels anywhere near like I did.

Yeah exactly. What goes around comes around. And if she is narcissistic like you mentioned then unfortunately she probably doesn't care as much since they only care and love themselves. They think they are better than others and perhaps that's why people are treating her that way if she is truly that kind of person.

I don't know why, but this thread is reminding me of a situation from a few years ago. My best friend in elementary school turned against me and uniting the whole class against me and my other two friends. It was a really horrible time with everyone doing awful things and excluding us. A few years ago, she got in touch with me and we met up. I thought she was going to apologize. Instead I found out that she runs a national anti-bullying organization. I couldn't believe it!

Anyway, it's hard not to feel some satisfaction when you see someone being treated badly when they treated others badly. I doubt they recognize their own behavior reflected back at them.

Wow, how ironic! Well it sounds like she must have learned then. Sorry you had to go through that and I agree, some people are either unaware or don’t care that they are being hypocritical..