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Member Since Jan 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 264
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#1
I guess I’m trying to work it out in my head “maybe if I did this different” the whole altercation that occurred that night where he asked me to back off and I didn’t..said I was in his face..it was not the right thing to do, but any man that cares about his S.O. would not toss her out like a stray dog..he will never get forgiveness for that..if he was healthy mentally, he would realize it was not right. I think he won’t ever respect women because he’s just too abusive and controlling. Watching his mom get emotionally and physically abused by his dad he will never be capable of a healthy relationship. Alcoholic and abusive..Wish I could stop overthinking this
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Member
Member Since Jan 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 264
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#2
This was an eye opener Getting Over an Abusive Ex | Psychology Today
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Open Eyes
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Open Eyes
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,107
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#3
GREAT article!!! Yes gymgirl, I believe you are addicted and hooked into this toxic relationship. You have neglected and forgotten yourself in the process. It’s time to focus on recovery, healing and rebuilding your own identity and self, rather than obsessing over details like what happened the other night. You’ve gotten tons of great support, advice and feedback on here from many members. You’re not to blame for his crappy treatment of you. Perhaps re-read some of the advice given by those who have been there and done that with regards to toxic relationships. It’s time to extricate yourself from the addiction. Where you went wrong is that you allowed this person to mistreat you, repeatedly. Now you need to focus on rebuilding your self esteem and on changing your own unhealthy behaviors within a relationship that allowed you to be disrespected. But please don’t blame yourself for his poor treatment of you. That’s all on him.
Last thing. Do you work? Do have friends, interests and hobbies? My suggestion is to also concentrate on building your own life again and on throwing yourself into your own life. That’s how you find yourself again. HUGS. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Member
Member Since Jan 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 264
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#4
Quote:
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Have Hope
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Member
Member Since Jan 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 264
9 6 hugs
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#5
Quote:
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Have Hope
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,107
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#6
Do you have friends you can lean on and go out with? If not I suggest working on building an independent and more fulfilling life for yourself. Then you won’t get so wrapped up in a relationship where you neglect yourself.
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Member
Member Since Jan 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 264
9 6 hugs
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#7
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Member
Member Since Jan 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 264
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#8
Giving up on men for a while..it’s just too heartbreaking 💔 even grown *** men, have too many freaking issues
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
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#9
I think you need to spend time learning about how you are so willing to accept abuse in a relationship as you did go back even though this guy treated you badly. As you mentioned, you are actually spending time questioning what "you" did wrong that resulted in how badly you were treated. That's a red flag in YOU that you need to work on so you don't fall into another trap like this with another man.
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Have Hope
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Have Hope
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Member
Member Since Jan 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 264
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#10
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Have Hope
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Open Eyes
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Threadtastic Postaholic
Member Since Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 6,006
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#11
Sometimes feeling ****** almost needs "permission" like we are not allowed to just have a ****** day about something. @Gymgirl71
I give you permission to feel sad and cry and mad. You are allowed to rethink things. You are allowed to feel rage. You are allowed to wish for what could never happen. You are allowed to miss what used to be. You are allowed to have hope. upload images __________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
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Open Eyes, TishaBuv
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: Kentucky, USA
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#12
Quote:
What makes it so difficult for you to see that abusive treatment you don't like = THEY DON'T CARE? Why do you keep hoping that people who are incapable of changing will some day come around & change "if you just do the RIGHT thing?" Maybe these are issues within yourself that you need to work on while you are taking a break from guys. That way when/if you do decide to go back.....YOU will be in charge of deciding who is WORTHY of your time __________________ Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
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Legendary
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: USA
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#13
Just this question for you to ponder, when you broke up with him, you said he has many bad qualities. So why did you overlook all that when you got back together with him?
I understand the unhealthy relationship pattern caused by having an alcoholic father. This is the root of this issue with you. But do you think someone with all the bad qualities you said he had is acceptable for you? __________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
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#14
When we have kids, we have to be super vigilant about who we date. If you stayed long enough, eventually your kid will see drunkeness and bad treatment of you.
Not good. It could cause them irreversible damage. They’ll have problems creating healthy relationships in their lives because they don’t have a good role model. So I think it’s wise to give it a thought: is this man good enough partner to introduce to my kid and bring to my kids life? If not, then there is your answer. Would you like your kid to date such people? If not, then you shouldn’t either. |
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Have Hope, Open Eyes, unaluna
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,107
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#15
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,440
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#16
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eskielover, Have Hope
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eskielover, Have Hope
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,107
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#17
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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