Still second guessing myself! I really don’t understand why

Gymgirl71 · Apr 22, 2019, 09:04 AM

I guess I’m trying to work it out in my head “maybe if I did this different” the whole altercation that occurred that night where he asked me to back off and I didn’t..said I was in his face..it was not the right thing to do, but any man that cares about his S.O. would not toss her out like a stray dog..he will never get forgiveness for that..if he was healthy mentally, he would realize it was not right. I think he won’t ever respect women because he’s just too abusive and controlling. Watching his mom get emotionally and physically abused by his dad he will never be capable of a healthy relationship. Alcoholic and abusive..Wish I could stop overthinking this

Gymgirl71 · Apr 22, 2019, 09:28 AM

This was an eye opener Getting Over an Abusive Ex | Psychology Today

Have Hope · Apr 22, 2019, 11:27 AM

GREAT article!!! Yes gymgirl, I believe you are addicted and hooked into this toxic relationship. You have neglected and forgotten yourself in the process. It’s time to focus on recovery, healing and rebuilding your own identity and self, rather than obsessing over details like what happened the other night. You’ve gotten tons of great support, advice and feedback on here from many members. You’re not to blame for his crappy treatment of you. Perhaps re-read some of the advice given by those who have been there and done that with regards to toxic relationships. It’s time to extricate yourself from the addiction. Where you went wrong is that you allowed this person to mistreat you, repeatedly. Now you need to focus on rebuilding your self esteem and on changing your own unhealthy behaviors within a relationship that allowed you to be disrespected. But please don’t blame yourself for his poor treatment of you. That’s all on him.

Last thing. Do you work? Do have friends, interests and hobbies? My suggestion is to also concentrate on building your own life again and on throwing yourself into your own life. That’s how you find yourself again. HUGS.

Gymgirl71 · Apr 22, 2019, 11:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Have Hope

GREAT article!!! Yes gymgirl, I believe you are addicted and hooked into this toxic relationship. You have neglected and forgotten yourself in the process. It’s time to focus on recovery, healing and rebuilding your own identity and self, rather than obsessing over details like what happened the other night. You’ve gotten tons of great support, advice and feedback on here from many members. You’re not to blame for his crappy treatment of you. Perhaps re-read some of the advice given by those who have been there and done that with regards to toxic relationships. It’s time to extricate yourself from the addiction. Where you went wrong is that you allowed this person to mistreat you, repeatedly. Now you need to focus on rebuilding your self esteem and on changing your own unhealthy behaviors within a relationship that allowed you to be disrespected. But please don’t blame yourself for his poor treatment of you. That’s all on him.

Last thing. Do you work? Do have friends, interests and hobbies? My suggestion is to also concentrate on building your own life again and on throwing yourself into your own life. That’s how you find yourself again. HUGS.

Thanks that’s what I need to do now. Spoke to my sister who told me if someone ever did that to her, she wouldn’t ever speak to him again..which is what I’m going to do. Furthermore, she said he knows what he did was swing but doesn’t want to admit fault, and thinks I will come crawling. Not in this lifetime buddy

Gymgirl71 · Apr 22, 2019, 11:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Have Hope

GREAT article!!! Yes gymgirl, I believe you are addicted and hooked into this toxic relationship. You have neglected and forgotten yourself in the process. It’s time to focus on recovery, healing and rebuilding your own identity and self, rather than obsessing over details like what happened the other night. You’ve gotten tons of great support, advice and feedback on here from many members. You’re not to blame for his crappy treatment of you. Perhaps re-read some of the advice given by those who have been there and done that with regards to toxic relationships. It’s time to extricate yourself from the addiction. Where you went wrong is that you allowed this person to mistreat you, repeatedly. Now you need to focus on rebuilding your self esteem and on changing your own unhealthy behaviors within a relationship that allowed you to be disrespected. But please don’t blame yourself for his poor treatment of you. That’s all on him.

Last thing. Do you work? Do have friends, interests and hobbies? My suggestion is to also concentrate on building your own life again and on throwing yourself into your own life. That’s how you find yourself again. HUGS.

I work full time, go to the gym, and I have a teen.

Have Hope · Apr 22, 2019, 11:46 AM

Do you have friends you can lean on and go out with? If not I suggest working on building an independent and more fulfilling life for yourself. Then you won’t get so wrapped up in a relationship where you neglect yourself.

Gymgirl71 · Apr 22, 2019, 11:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Have Hope

Do you have friends you can lean on and go out with? If not I suggest working on building an independent and more fulfilling life for yourself. Then you won’t get so wrapped up in a relationship where you neglect yourself.

Some yes

Gymgirl71 · Apr 22, 2019, 11:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Have Hope

Do you have friends you can lean on and go out with? If not I suggest working on building an independent and more fulfilling life for yourself. Then you won’t get so wrapped up in a relationship where you neglect yourself.

Giving up on men for a while..it’s just too heartbreaking 💔 even grown *** men, have too many freaking issues

Open Eyes · Apr 22, 2019, 12:33 PM

I think you need to spend time learning about how you are so willing to accept abuse in a relationship as you did go back even though this guy treated you badly. As you mentioned, you are actually spending time questioning what "you" did wrong that resulted in how badly you were treated. That's a red flag in YOU that you need to work on so you don't fall into another trap like this with another man.

Gymgirl71 · Apr 22, 2019, 12:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

I think you need to spend time learning about how you are so willing to accept abuse in a relationship as you did go back even though this guy treated you badly. As you mentioned, you are actually spending time questioning what "you" did wrong that resulted in how badly you were treated. That's a red flag in YOU that you need to work on so you don't fall into another trap like this with another man.

I was wracking my brain thinking about it too much..but no matter what occurred, I didn’t deserve that. He doesn’t respect women only his friends

sarahsweets · Apr 22, 2019, 01:18 PM

Sometimes feeling ****** almost needs "permission" like we are not allowed to just have a ****** day about something. @Gymgirl71
I give you permission to feel sad and cry and mad. You are allowed to rethink things. You are allowed to feel rage. You are allowed to wish for what could never happen. You are allowed to miss what used to be. You are allowed to have hope.

upload images

eskielover · Apr 22, 2019, 02:06 PM

Quote:

any man that cares about his S.O. would not toss her out like a stray dog..

maybe you are still struggling with the fact that he really never did care about you or he wouldn't have treated you the way he did in the past long before he "tossed" you out.

What makes it so difficult for you to see that abusive treatment you don't like = THEY DON'T CARE?

Why do you keep hoping that people who are incapable of changing will some day come around & change "if you just do the RIGHT thing?"

Maybe these are issues within yourself that you need to work on while you are taking a break from guys. That way when/if you do decide to go back.....YOU will be in charge of deciding who is WORTHY of your time

TishaBuv · Apr 22, 2019, 02:43 PM

Just this question for you to ponder, when you broke up with him, you said he has many bad qualities. So why did you overlook all that when you got back together with him?

I understand the unhealthy relationship pattern caused by having an alcoholic father. This is the root of this issue with you.

But do you think someone with all the bad qualities you said he had is acceptable for you?

divine1966 · Apr 22, 2019, 04:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gymgirl71

I work full time, go to the gym, and I have a teen.

When we have kids, we have to be super vigilant about who we date. If you stayed long enough, eventually your kid will see drunkeness and bad treatment of you.

Not good. It could cause them irreversible damage. They’ll have problems creating healthy relationships in their lives because they don’t have a good role model.

So I think it’s wise to give it a thought: is this man good enough partner to introduce to my kid and bring to my kids life? If not, then there is your answer. Would you like your kid to date such people? If not, then you shouldn’t either.