[baobaozi]

I’ve been hanging out a lot with this guy I met on tinder, he said he was looking for friends so why not. He’s funny and cute, and the chillest guy ever.

The problem is I have no problem with us being friends. It’s just the last time we hung out, I just suddenly attracted to him. that night I think it would be really sad and heartbreaking if he’s going back to his country (he’s in my area just for internship).

That’s why I said over text that I like him but he rejected me. He said I am pretty and funny, but he can’t do long distance hence he put he was looking for friends on his profile. I knew it already but it broke my heart so much that I cried the whole day. I also went shopping to relieve stress after that (idk if I max out my credit card, I’m afraid)

However I still can’t get over it. I feel ugly, unwanted and worthless. I feel so lonely I consider to cut my wrist again but I held it back.

How can I get over it quickly? I need advice

My dear, please don't consider such drastic measures. He is not rejecting YOU. He stated in his profile that he is only looking for friendship, and it turns out, it's because he is leaving the country. He is just sticking to his own word. Please don't take that to mean you are ugly, worthless and unwanted. That is very extreme! Your emotions have taken over and you are taking this the completely wrong way. Please think logically about it.

Just as a sidenote: if you are this unstable, should you be on online dating sites? Just wondering. We have to be able to take various forms of true rejection through online dating without becoming suicidal. IF you are in fact thinking suicidal thoughts over one guy that you became friends with, perhaps dating is not a good idea. Just some thoughts for you.

The way to get over it is to just go on about your life and enjoy it!! Be with friends, go out, do things you enjoy and immerse yourself in your life.

[sarahsweets]

Here are my feelings on tinder- its a hook up app. That is what it is meant for. Quick hookups. Do people meet for long term relationships there? yes but its mostly for hookups. If you were to be looking for a bf or mate then some of the other dating apps are better than tinder.

[divine1966]

Please call your doctor or take yourself to the ER if you feel suicidal.

The guy was honest, he says he just wants friendship (maybe FWB) so it was clear he isn’t into romance. Maybe use different sites if you want relationships? Or pay attention what they say in their profiles.

Hang in there

[Bill3]

Good job not acting on that impulse!

Do you have a therapist you can discuss the situation with?

Since he cannot reciprocate your attraction, due to living elsewhere, and since seeing him may pose actual danger for you, you might want to consider stopping seeing him.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by baobaozi

I’ve been hanging out a lot with this guy I met on tinder, he said he was looking for friends so why not. He’s funny and cute, and the chillest guy ever.

The problem is I have no problem with us being friends. It’s just the last time we hung out, I just suddenly attracted to him. that night I think it would be really sad and heartbreaking if he’s going back to his country (he’s in my area just for internship).

That’s why I said over text that I like him but he rejected me. He said I am pretty and funny, but he can’t do long distance hence he put he was looking for friends on his profile. I knew it already but it broke my heart so much that I cried the whole day. I also went shopping to relieve stress after that (idk if I max out my credit card, I’m afraid)

However I still can’t get over it. I feel ugly, unwanted and worthless. I feel so lonely I consider to cut my wrist again but I held it back.

How can I get over it quickly? I need advice

He said clearly that he can't do LDR so that's what it's about. On top of that stated that he thinks you're funny and pretty.

Everything that is causing you to spiral is not based on reality but fear and habitual negative thinking.

[Travelinglady]

Dear one, it wasn't about YOU. That's what you need to remember. Okay?

[baobaozi]

Originally Posted by golden_eve

My dear, please don't consider such drastic measures. He is not rejecting YOU. He stated in his profile that he is only looking for friendship, and it turns out, it's because he is leaving the country. He is just sticking to his own word. Please don't take that to mean you are ugly, worthless and unwanted. That is very extreme! Your emotions have taken over and you are taking this the completely wrong way. Please think logically about it.

Just as a sidenote: if you are this unstable, should you be on online dating sites? Just wondering. We have to be able to take various forms of true rejection through online dating without becoming suicidal. IF you are in fact thinking suicidal thoughts over one guy that you became friends with, perhaps dating is not a good idea. Just some thoughts for you.

The way to get over it is to just go on about your life and enjoy it!! Be with friends, go out, do things you enjoy and immerse yourself in your life.

thank you for responding. I was so lonely and did self harm a lot until I decided I wanna go social and talk to a lot of people. That’s one of reason I use tinder. So far I’ve met nice people and socializing makes me feel a lot better. But it’s just the first time I fall for someone from dating app, it’s ridiculous.

And don’t worry, I’m past my suicidal thoughts I only do self harm recently and clean for a month now. And I didn’t do it after he rejected me which means a good thing.

[baobaozi]

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

Here are my feelings on tinder- its a hook up app. That is what it is meant for. Quick hookups. Do people meet for long term relationships there? yes but its mostly for hookups. If you were to be looking for a bf or mate then some of the other dating apps are better than tinder.

Hey hey! I know exactly what are you talking about. I constantly found creeps who only wants hookup on tinder, but I also met some amazing friends using the app. I don’t specifically using the app for relationship, which is the same purpose with the guy that rejected me I’ve tried bumble and okcupid too but I think they’re almost the same.

[baobaozi]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Please call your doctor or take yourself to the ER if you feel suicidal.


The guy was honest, he says he just wants friendship (maybe FWB) so it was clear he isn’t into romance. Maybe use different sites if you want relationships? Or pay attention what they say in their profiles.


Hang in there

Thank you for your kind message. Sorry I’m not suicidal I just cut my wrist and arm to feel the numbness.

Also, I clearly understand that he doesn’t want relationship. I know it from the start. We both on the app to be hang out friends. It was dumb of me asking that, thinking I might have a chance.

Idk why but I always crushing on someone not available for me it’s frustrating

[baobaozi]

Originally Posted by Bill3

Good job not acting on that impulse!


Do you have a therapist you can discuss the situation with?


Since he cannot reciprocate your attraction, due to living elsewhere, and since seeing him may pose actual danger for you, you might want to consider stopping seeing him.

hello! thank you so much I am also proud of myself not to self harm again. I don’t have therapist, I’m a poor student lol.

And he wishes to hangout with me again as friends so I might see him a couple more times before he’s going back. I don’t think it’s good for my mentality but I know I can’t refuse meeting up again with him...

[baobaozi]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

He said clearly that he can't do LDR so that's what it's about. On top of that stated that he thinks you're funny and pretty.

Everything that is causing you to spiral is not based on reality but fear and habitual negative thinking.

He did say that, but somehow I just couldn’t believe it. I feel like he’s trying to be nice. In my head I always think I’m not good enough therefore nobody wants me.

It’s weird because I know I’m average and not that ugly, but at the same time I just can’t believe that someone would be attracted to this fat ugly me.

[baobaozi]

Originally Posted by Travelinglady

Dear one, it wasn't about YOU. That's what you need to remember. Okay?

Thank you so much I’m trying to think about it rationally, but it just really hurts that I can’t help but turning it back to me.

I’m trying to be strong and focusing on my study right now

[Bill3]

Sometimes universities have counseling centers where students can receive free or very low-cost therapy. 🙂

[Medusax]

He stated firmly that he only wanted friends. He told you you were pretty. This is not rejection. Don't turn it inward.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by baobaozi

hello! thank you so much I am also proud of myself not to self harm again. I don’t have therapist, I’m a poor student lol.

And he wishes to hangout with me again as friends so I might see him a couple more times before he’s going back. I don’t think it’s good for my mentality but I know I can’t refuse meeting up again with him...

Since he caused such a bad reaction and you self harmed. OF COURSE you can NOT go see him. Why do you feel you have too ??

You can and should refuse to see him. He’s leaving so why bother getting to know him better?

[divine1966]

You can definitely refuse to see him. He is leaving, so what’s the point of seeing him? There is no reason to ever see him again.

[baobaozi]

You guys would be really mad at me, but I’m having a sleepover at his place next thursday and getting so excited that I buy new clothes. I think I’m so pathetic

[divine1966]

Why would we be mad? I just don’t want you to get hurt. If he wants to be friends, then no harm to just see him but what’s the point of a sleepover if not have sex? Nothing wrong with it either but I worry you’d get hurt