It's my fiance's good friends who are getting married. She is not a favored one of the couple, between me and my fiance. His friend is his good friend. His friend's soon to be wife is not so much. Neither one of us care for her too much. She's very loud and obnoxious, but she's always been cordial and friendly to me.

So I was invited to her GIRLS ONLY wedding shower, with all these women I don't even know except perhaps ONE woman.

And honestly? Since I am not close with any of these women, and many I won't even know at all, I feel very odd going -- I will be the odd-ball, and I really don't want to go at all.

The only reason to go is to please her and to make my fiance happy.

But I almost want something to come up so that I don't have to go.... any excuse!

At the same time, I feel totally obligated to go and guilty if I don't. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.

What do I do???

[TishaBuv]

Make up an excuse and don’t go if you don’t want to go. You are under no obligation to.

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Make up an excuse and don’t go if you don’t want to go. You are under no obligation to.

Thx! What about the guilt?

[divine1966]

I can only speak about myself. I personally would most certainly go to wedding shower if my husbands friend was getting married and I was invited. Even if bride to be is not my favorite I’d still go. The only reason I’d not go to is if I have true reason like was feeling sick or was busy with something important like job conference etc Not knowing other people would not stop me from going to events. So I am no help here. But if you decide not go just say you have a bad cold or something, not feeling well is a typical reason not to attend something .

I don't want to go though, and I don't feel comfortable going whatsoever. I would only go to please my fiance.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by golden_eve

I don't want to go though, and I don't feel comfortable going whatsoever. I would only go to please my fiance.

I understand not wanting. I was just saying that I’d go regardless. I think going to please your fiancée is a valid reason to go

[sarahsweets]

I understand not wanting to go. Are any of these women coming to your wedding?

[Quarter life]

This woman will be an integral part of your social group once she is married to your good friend. If it were me, I would make an appearance with a great wedding shower gift...and do your best to get along with her, and be social with her friends. You don't have to stay all evening.....just politely make an excuse and slip away.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry you're going through all of this, golden_eve! I completely agree with what all the other wise, wonderful posters have already wisely said better than I ever could! You've been given lots of great, kind, wise and wonderful advice and suggestions on this thread! I'd suggest to follow it as much as you can if you want to! I understand what you mean. If you truly don't feel like going I'd say that you can just make up an excuse and say you can't go! As for the guilt, have you talked to your boyfriend about this and about how you feel about going there? I'd suggest to talk to your boyfriend about ALL of this and see how it goes from there! Maybe that could help! Just be honest with him and tell him the reasons why you don't feel comfortable about going there! Hopefully he'll listen to what you have to say and understand you and perhaps he will offer you some advice and suggestions! Most importantly, perhaps it will help you relieve your guilt a little bit if all of this is mostly related to making your boyfriend happy, right? Another thing you can do do relieve your guilt may be to send this woman and your boyfriend's friend some nice gifts or anything that may sort f "make up" for your absence! It's not the same thing of course but I'd say it IS the best alternative if you decide NOT to go! Perhaps you or all the other wise, wonderful posters have other ideas in mind! This is just a thought! Please DO consider it and let us know how it goes and what you decide to do, ok? Sending many hugs to you, golden_eve!

Thank you, everyone!

I like the perspective that I am going to need to mingle with his friends more and more and so I might as well go in order to get to know them better and mingle with them. This is true!

I had posted a thread about my discomfort around his friends before. From a more positive angle, here's an opportunity for me to mingle without my fiance around and to get to know these women better.

Good food for thought!

My inclination is to shy away and to think more negatively about it -- ie, I will be the odd ball and left out. I am older than most the women.

I will think on this more.... I thank you all for your kind & thoughtful replies!!!

[TishaBuv]

I like the idea of sending a nice gift if you don’t go. That shows her that you do care about her. Hopefully, she won’t hold any resentment that you ‘got sick’ and didn’t attend.

Are you just talking yourself out of going due to your own anxiety? Is this something you would like to combat and learn to conquer by going?

I really don’t do guilt. Lots of folks have tried to guilt me. I’m not having it.

I think Tisha's idea is great. Send her a gift after you decline her invitation to go to her bachelorette party.

I don't do guilt either. If I don't want to do something, I won't do it. I don't care if it hurts the other person's feelings. I'm not going to do something just to please someone else. I was everyone's doormat my entire life. No more.

send a gift, you won't be the only one declining. bridal showers suck the life out of you, followed only by baby ones.

[WishfulThinker66]

you have no obligation to go. You shouldn't feel guilty then.

[Open Eyes]

Originally Posted by golden_eve

Thank you, everyone!

I like the perspective that I am going to need to mingle with his friends more and more and so I might as well go in order to get to know them better and mingle with them. This is true!

I had posted a thread about my discomfort around his friends before. From a more positive angle, here's an opportunity for me to mingle without my fiance around and to get to know these women better.

Good food for thought!

My inclination is to shy away and to think more negatively about it -- ie, I will be the odd ball and left out. I am older than most the women.

I will think on this more.... I thank you all for your kind & thoughtful replies!!!

I liked Quarterlife's opinion and I think that if you go and bring a nice gift it will give you an opportunity to be more approachable when your husband wants to get together with his friends again. You don't have to stay long, but I think it's nice to make an appearance and be friendly.

Thank you all so much... I really appreciate your help!

I may talk to him about it first and tell him how I feel. Then go from there. I have a little time to decide before I have to RSVP, so that's good at least!

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by golden_eve

Thank you all so much... I really appreciate your help!

I may talk to him about it first and tell him how I feel. Then go from there. I have a little time to decide before I have to RSVP, so that's good at least!

Is it truly dislike of the bride or is it social anxiety fear?

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Is it truly dislike of the bride or is it social anxiety fear?

It's not a dislike for the bride. It's definitely more so social anxiety and feeling I'll be the odd ball, being older than most everyone.

[TishaBuv]

What does being older have to do with it?

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

What does being older have to do with it?

Everything. I am 48 and these women are all 34 ish. I am totally the odd ball. I just feel awkward.

[hvert]

That is a tough one. It would be easier to not go if she was rude to you, but if she's always been friendly... is it a two hour thing or an all day event?

Originally Posted by hvert

That is a tough one. It would be easier to not go if she was rude to you, but if she's always been friendly... is it a two hour thing or an all day event?

You're right. It is a tough one! It's an afternoon thingy... probably several hours.

I still have NO clue what to do! I have not RSVD'd yet.

On the one hand, I like the idea that IF I go, it's an opportunity to get to know my fiance's group better, all on my own and without him. Then the next time I see them all, it will be easier to socialize with the group.

On the other hand, I AM much older, I AM the odd ball, I don't really know any of the women and am not close to ANY of them, so it's very awkward for me. There's only one other women I see out periodically and we're friendly, but that's it.

[TishaBuv]

What kind of a bridal shower lasts several hours? I can’t imagine spending more than two hours at one.

I would never even think as you are about any difference in age between me and these women, especially not in the capacity of being at a bridal shower. You aren’t talking about a bachelorette party, right? Even then, you are not so much older that I’d ever feel like a fish out of water. Also, I’ve seen so many of those where the older generation of women join in at the strip club and everyone has a good time.

[divine1966]

To all honesty I just really don’t understand age difference concern. This is wedding shower, those are attending by women including women related to a bride, could be her mom and grandma and aunt in presence and sometimes grandmas or moms friends who obviously are older. There could be people of any age. You likely won’t be alone older than others. Maybe if you were 90. If you are invited to a birthday party would you be concerned that people are younger or older than you?

Not knowing others could be a legitimate worry but at one point you don’t know anyone when you go places like a new job or new social group. Could you push yourself out of your comfort zone? You have great communication skills and I bet you can converse about things.

Have you been to other wedding showers? Typically you’ll eat and drink likely sitting down. Then bride will be opening gifts and you’ll be clapping. And then you’ll have dessert and go home. Maybe they’ll play stupid games which could be good because you’d be forced to participate. But other than that you likely will just sit at the table.

I do understand how it could be a drag but I was really puzzled by age comment. Is it an excuse or is it for real? I go to high school graduation parties when invited. Lol talk about age difference ...or boredom. haha I typically just give my gift, eat what’s there (often terrible food) and converse with whoever is there and then make my exit. Nothing to sweat about

Don’t fuss about it. Go and if it is not a good experience then you tell us about it and we will all laugh. I personally want to hear about this shower especially if they play terrible games lol

[TishaBuv]

There are two different things; bridal shower and bachelorette party. A bridal shower is where you give the bride a set of dish towels, lol, and talk about her wedding jitters. A bachelorette party is where she goes out dancing with her girlfriends for one last hurrah. They are two and separate because you can’t bring granny to the strip club! Lol