[rdgrad15]

I've always wondered if it is really possible to be friends with coworkers. The reason is because I never hear of people hanging out with coworkers, with the exception of work related events, outside of work despite people saying they are friends with their coworkers. Even where I work at, a lot of them call each other friends but they don't hang out outside of work except on special occasions and I've noticed at least with some of them, they will agree with somethings when in a group, but when they are one-on-one, they have different viewpoints. I think it is more of an attempt to be on good terms with each other or to be liked at work.

I have one coworker who I went to a event with really quickly at work to grab take out food. It was a weekend so there was no work that day. We weren't staying for the event, just getting food. Well as me, her, and her husband were leaving, she mentioned how she was trying so hard to make sure she didn't run into any other coworkers there that worked at the high school. She didn't mind seeing coworkers she used to work with at a middle school but made it clear she didn't want to see anyone from the high school where we work at. I could totally understand that, it just means that she probably doesn't feel close to them even though she is friendly with them.

Also when she is with other coworkers she claims to be friends with, she will have one set of views, but in cases where I saw her out of work, usually at a church or something or even when it is just me and her in the car in the rare cases where she drives me home, her views are entirely different. In fact, she's actually more genuine when she's not with other coworkers. Makes me think she is just being polite to others and doesn't actually see anyone as actual friends. Which I totally understand and even agree with. I also have other friends from school who are social with their coworkers and may even go to work related functions with them, but admit to me they would never actually hang out with them despite them saying they are friends with them. That's why I actually wonder if people may say they are friends with their coworkers but in reality, it just doesn't happen. It is more out of politeness. If anything, coworkers are just like acquaintances. They can be nice and friendly, but would never actually become genuine friends unless one or both of them no longer worked with each other anymore.

The main reasons probably due to some underlying competition, depending on the work environment, and just a general feeling of not wanting to associate with anyone from work when they are not actually at work. Basically people want to keep their work lives and personal lives separated. Do you think it's possible to be genuine friends with coworkers? Have you ever considered a coworker a friend? I will admit I could never see myself being friends with coworkers. I have a family member that owns a buisness and the people that work there are not friends despite saying they are. In fact, they gossip a lot. My coworkers gossip a lot too. Lots of being nice to someone's face but then saying bad stuff when someone is not around. They are all in their 40's and 50's too, way older than me so it doesn't just happen with younger people. Do you keep your work and personal life different? Have you ever attempted to be friends with coworkers only to have it turn sour? I think it is hard since people at work will agree with each other's beliefs and ideas but then change when they are not with them or if they express a change of viewpoints, they may be isolated more. Just wondered what you thought.

[WishfulThinker66]

Perhaps it is a cultural thing? Because here people hang out with co-workers all the time. When I have worked it was not unusual for co-workers to grab a drink together after work. We regularly got together on days off. I used to take co-workers with me on hiking and kayaking outings. I used to have dinner parties with open invitations to the other singles I worked with, and so on. This was not just a thing I did, we did. But that was amongst peers. Never would I socialise with people I had leadership roles over. That is just a big can of worms that should be left closed. Most companies even have rules against such a thing.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by WishfulThinker66

Perhaps it is a cultural thing? Because here people hang out with co-workers all the time. When I have worked it was not unusual for co-workers to grab a drink together after work. We regularly got together on days off. I used to take co-workers with me on hiking and kayaking outings. I used to have dinner parties with open invitations to the other singles I worked with, and so on. This was not just a thing I did, we did. But that was amongst peers. Never would I socialise with people I had leadership roles over. That is just a big can of worms that should be left closed. Most companies even have rules against such a thing.

Oh okay, well that's nice that you're able to hang out with your coworkers. Yes it can be a cultural thing to. And yes, you're right. Most companies do not allow people with leadership roles to hang out with subordinates, even though I've seen it happen. It is definitely something that could cause problems later on. And in some work places, friendships and relationships among coworkers on the same level may even be discouraged.

[WishfulThinker66]

Originally Posted by rdgrad15

Oh okay, well that's nice that you're able to hang out with your coworkers. Yes it can be a cultural thing to. And yes, you're right. Most companies do not allow people with leadership roles to hang out with subordinates, even though I've seen it happen. It is definitely something that could cause problems later on. And in some work places, friendships and relationships among coworkers on the same level may even be discouraged.

In my experience it is dating between co-workers that is usually discouraged. I've never heard of regular socializing being frowned upon.

There is one slight exception. This is using work-time and the workplace itself to socialize. It is something that ought to be left for outside of the workplace. It cuts down on efficiency but, more unfortunately, it really makes someone whom is left out socially feel terrible. I have had to council subordinates on this; that, if they can't include person X in their workplace socializing then they shouldn't be doing it at all. It is simple etiquette I've had to remind people of - frequently. This especially goes for talk in the workplace about planning out activities or reminiscing about those that have already occurred in front of those that are unwelcome to participate. Kind of a no brainer. I did not ask that people not be friends rather that their friendships wait until after the business day is complete.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by WishfulThinker66

In my experience it is dating between co-workers that is usually discouraged. I've never heard of regular socializing being frowned upon.

There is one slight exception. This is using work-time and the workplace itself to socialize. It is something that ought to be left for outside of the workplace. It cuts down on efficiency but, more unfortunately, it really makes someone whom is left out socially feel terrible. I have had to council subordinates on this; that, if they can't include person X in their workplace socializing then they shouldn't be doing it at all. It is simple etiquette I've had to remind people of - frequently. This especially goes for talk in the workplace about planning out activities or reminiscing about those that have already occurred in front of those that are unwelcome to participate. Kind of a no brainer. I did not ask that people not be friends rather that their friendships wait until after the business day is complete.

Oh I totally agree. In fact, I am one of those people that is constantly left out and ignored a lot. Some of them may say hi real quick but otherwise, I am left out of most conversations and events. They talk a lot during work about non-work related things which makes me annoyed and surprised they haven't gotten in trouble yet. And the most frustrating thing is even if it is work related, I am still ignored and isolated. I'll overhear something that is work related and I'll try to join only for them to either say nothing or walk away and continue talking. Very annoying and rude of them. I agree, socializing should be kept at a minimum during work hours unless it is important or everyone is included.

It may be culture to the workplace. At a prior job one of my co workers acted like our mother. She gently insisted we would do things together. She made it clear there would be no back biting and we were a team. Every Friday we walked over to the north end for Pizza and about every 3 months we all went with our significant others out for dinner. She was a leader. We were a team.

However, when I came to the job I work at now, I tired that.. Unfortunately the culture of this place was back biting and game of thrones type sneaking around. Not only did I get resistance on even having a monthly lunch, they actually told their bosses I was trying to organize these things as if I was trying to form a union or something. I realized that was a mistake. The culture of the place is cliques and mean girl behavior and now, I do nothing outside of work with anyone. I feel for some of my co workers who are like 1 year temporary workers who think it is strange or mean of me to refuse to do anything with them outside work. But once you learn to play the game you need to play it. I don't want it to be this way but, it is and you just have to be that way. It isn't personal.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by Emily Fox Seaton

It may be culture to the workplace. At a prior job one of my co workers acted like our mother. She gently insisted we would do things together. She made it clear there would be no back biting and we were a team. Every Friday we walked over to the north end for Pizza and about every 3 months we all went with our significant others out for dinner. She was a leader. We were a team.

However, when I came to the job I work at now, I tired that.. Unfortunately the culture of this place was back biting and game of thrones type sneaking around. Not only did I get resistance on even having a monthly lunch, they actually told their bosses I was trying to organize these things as if I was trying to form a union or something. I realized that was a mistake. The culture of the place is cliques and mean girl behavior and now, I do nothing outside of work with anyone. I feel for some of my co workers who are like 1 year temporary workers who think it is strange or mean of me to refuse to do anything with them outside work. But once you learn to play the game you need to play it. I don't want it to be this way but, it is and you just have to be that way. It isn't personal.

Exactly. I’m sorry you had to deal with that. Some work environments are just plain toxic. Yeah it is hard to act aloof but sometimes you have to be that way.

[seesaw]

It really depends on the culture of the work place and the individual people. I have coworker or colleagues who I am also friends with. We hang out outside of work and don't talk about work at all. I have one colleague who likes the same tv show as me, and we text each other while we watch it on Friday nights. I think it's few and far between co-workers you will actually develop a close relationship with, as in a friendship and not just an aquaintanceship. I regularly try to have drinks or socialize with coworkers at happy hour or whathaveyou, just to encourage the team mentality and let them see me as a person (I'm upper management). I've also found getting to know a bit about my coworkers personally helps me in relating to them in the work place. When I know what's important to them, I know how to appeal to them to get the best performance out of them.

However, I also hate mandatory work socialization events. One of my previous employers expected us to spend all our free time and holidays and weekends "being friendly" with them and the rest of the staff, and it felt like I spent 24/7 working because they'd also invite patrons and donors. So it wasn't even like you were just chilling with co-workers.

The thing is, it's really great when you make a friend at work, a real friend, but I would say it's uncommon, because we're not there to make friends. We all happen to work at the same place, that's all. It doesn't mean you hold the same values or have the same outside interests or anything in common beyond being employed by the same company. And work friends often fall off when you don't work together anymore.

Seesaw

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by seesaw

It really depends on the culture of the work place and the individual people. I have coworker or colleagues who I am also friends with. We hang out outside of work and don't talk about work at all. I have one colleague who likes the same tv show as me, and we text each other while we watch it on Friday nights. I think it's few and far between co-workers you will actually develop a close relationship with, as in a friendship and not just an aquaintanceship. I regularly try to have drinks or socialize with coworkers at happy hour or whathaveyou, just to encourage the team mentality and let them see me as a person (I'm upper management). I've also found getting to know a bit about my coworkers personally helps me in relating to them in the work place. When I know what's important to them, I know how to appeal to them to get the best performance out of them.

However, I also hate mandatory work socialization events. One of my previous employers expected us to spend all our free time and holidays and weekends "being friendly" with them and the rest of the staff, and it felt like I spent 24/7 working because they'd also invite patrons and donors. So it wasn't even like you were just chilling with co-workers.

The thing is, it's really great when you make a friend at work, a real friend, but I would say it's uncommon, because we're not there to make friends. We all happen to work at the same place, that's all. It doesn't mean you hold the same values or have the same outside interests or anything in common beyond being employed by the same company. And work friends often fall off when you don't work together anymore.

Seesaw

That’s nice that you have a nice connection. And yes I hate forced socialization too, anywhere. It is not genuine. And yeah it is uncommon to make friends since you’re all there to work and may already have friends outside of work which can cause some to not want anymore. And yeah most friendships end once one or both no longer work there.

[divine1966]

I have coworkers who are also my friends. We sometimes hang out on our own time

. I however have zero interest to have regular get togethers with group of coworkers. I want to go home and spend time with my husband or my not work friends or my family or go to gym etc etc I love my colleagues but I see them every day and I don’t need to see them much after work.

Those I am actual friends with I have friendship unrelated to work. Like we do things on totally our own time.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I have coworkers who are also my friends. We sometimes hang out on our own time

. I however have zero interest to have regular get togethers with group of coworkers. I want to go home and spend time with my husband or my not work friends or my family or go to gym etc etc I love my colleagues but I see them every day and I don’t need to see them much after work.

Those I am actual friends with I have friendship unrelated to work. Like we do things on totally our own time.

I agree. Most people don’t want to be bothered once work is over. They just want to go home.

[sarahsweets]

I learned the hard way about coworker friends. It can seem wonderful until the gossip starts. I think its better to keep it to work functions.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

I learned the hard way about coworker friends. It can seem wonderful until the gossip starts. I think its better to keep it to work functions.

Yeah I agree. I feel like in a lot of cases, friendships with coworkers turn sour due to underlying competition and at times, boredom which is what my coworkers do when they are not working even though they should be.

[Travelinglady]

When I worked, I was friends with co-workers. But I think it worked because we didn't discuss work-related matters at all--just had fun--movies, going out to eat together, etc.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by Travelinglady

When I worked, I was friends with co-workers. But I think it worked because we didn't discuss work-related matters at all--just had fun--movies, going out to eat together, etc.

Oh okay. Glad it worked for you.