Loneliness (and more)

Hey, everyone.

Earlier this year I broke off from a 2.5 year relationship. For much of that time I really don’t know if I was even that attracted to my ex but kept thinking that “things will work out.” But he was depressed, I have anxiety, it was not a good mix. Plus, I he was not my type, physically, and I’ve been struggling with the fact that I basically forced myself to try to love someone for sooo longgg.

Anyways, in the time leading up to our breakup I was so ready to be single. To meet new people, date around (I’ve only ever dated two people in my entire life), you know?

And then just last week I met someone that I now have a crush on, but it’s complicated because I don’t know if the feeling is mutual, we met at a conference and live across the country from each other... he indicated he wanted go to a concert with me (more specifically, a concert where I live), but I’m not sure if I should interpret it as flirting. But since I’ve been out of the dating game for years, so who knows? I keep regretting not flirting more with him, but at the same time it might not be worth pursuing since he’s so far away :/.

I’m also worried that I fell for him too hard because my last relationship was so... unfulfilling, unsatisfying, and honestly depressing. During that time I got depressed, I forgot how to enjoy life. Being around someone who made me feel like myself was a huge mood booster, even if it was only for a few days. But I’m trying to be realistic. As I mentioned I was excited about being single and I want to take advantage of it and not just suddenly commit myself to this guy.

Anyways, I’m just feeling lonely and confused. I keep bugging my friends about this so I figured I’d come to PC for some support instead . I know a lot of this it just being patient but damn, it’s hard!!

I’m trying to keep this Steinbeck quote my friend shared with me:

“And don’t worry about losing. If it is right, it happens—The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.”