More about mini-boundaries

I had a new acquaintance forget an appointment yesterday, and then call and say could I wait for 30 minutes at the meeting place. I refused . I knew that 30 minutes would turn into 45 minutes or more because she wasn't dressed, and it happened that I'd forced myself to get up early after little sleep to run errands so that I could meet early at the time she chose. I had just enough energy to get through the morning in the centre of town before crashing. Rushing around an hour later would have been an ordeal not a pleasure.

I didn't flat refuse, I offered the alternative of another day when I would have slept better.

We met up later for a cuppa at home.

It's important for me to say as I feel in such things because not doing so makes me invisible to other people. I thought about people on this site while doing so. I can put up walled fortifications at a moment's notice but it's the mini-boundaries that I compromise over all the time - and feel unseen and resentful.

I'm writing as therapy for myself to mull over this. Some behaviours make me feel neglected. Anyone can forget an appointment, that's not personal, but then I want them to take responsibility, not to let it blur into me saying "that's ok" when it isn't.

Funny huh. Fortifications seem justified but little intimate boundaries not so much. I felt better for not going along with something that wouldn't have been pleasurable but simply exhausting. Better in the relationship for pointing out that we had alternatives. But... there is a subtle pressure from some people, not even a judgement, to go along with their "foibles". Blurriness comes with their territory, that's ok, but it's also ok to say in a quiet and unaggressive manner that I am too tired to play?

Saidso