[Catrionn]

How much togetherness should a couple have?

My bf and I have always been very good about having our own individual interests and activities. But before the separation, we did more things together. (We we’re separated for four years, and about three months ago, decided to try to get back together.)

This morning, he went to the museum without asking me if I wanted to go.

I’m a little hurt. But:

1 - He was always more heavily into the museum than I am. It was always more “his” than “ours” or “mine.”

2 - He does do things together with me. A few nights ago he took me out to dinner. Last night he took me to see “Rocketman.”

3 - I do things without him. Every week I go to a knitting group without him. Once a month I go to a book group without him.

I’m not sure how I should feel about this.

[divine1966]

I believe in a good balance of doing things together and doing things separately. I need fair amount of space and am not in favor of being attached to the hip.

Saying that I believe in letting each other know about plans so the other person can plan accordingly. If my husband just walked out and went to a museum without letting me know ahead of time I’d be livid. We don’t operate like this.

[Iloivar]

Originally Posted by Catrionn

How much togetherness should a couple have?

My bf and I have always been very good about having our own individual interests and activities. But before the separation, we did more things together. (We we’re separated for four years, and about three months ago, decided to try to get back together.)

This morning, he went to the museum without asking me if I wanted to go.

I’m a little hurt. But:

1 - He was always more heavily into the museum than I am. It was always more “his” than “ours” or “mine.”

2 - He does do things together with me. A few nights ago he took me out to dinner. Last night he took me to see “Rocketman.”

3 - I do things without him. Every week I go to a knitting group without him. Once a month I go to a book group without him.

I’m not sure how I should feel about this.

How much togetherness there should be is wholly dependant on the couple and whether both are happy with how much there is in the relationship.

You guys sound happy. But do either of you prefer the old setup where you did more together? Maybe that's something you two can discuss casually.

And if you were a bit hurt by this, maybe you can ask him in the future to ask you to attend events that, perhaps you've shown little to no interest in before. But that the gesture itself would be appreciated?