I may have made a mistake getting married

I’m very sorry this is happening. I’ve been hoping that the two of you are going to be able to relax after all the stress of a new marriage settles down... and talk through your issues. Maybe it’s much more than that but I’ve been hoping that it’s not. I know that marriage is very hard. Even good stress brought about by positive life changes can actually cause all kinds of problems. I sincerely hope things get better.

Tonight he told me he would be lost without me. I told him he needs to follow through now with what he says. He says he's learning. Learning new ways of being, is what he meant. Now I'll see if he can follow through and stay true to his word.

It's good that he sees he needs to change his behavior. I think someone else mentioned it's a process, so you'll have to work with him, give him a chance to get himself under control. Maybe he needs an outlet, like you have PC, to voice the things that are bothering him before he vents it all at you?

Like calming down before you two talk about something, maybe he does something to let himself have his anger first, so that it's not directed at you, and then he can calmly talk to you about it? It's okay for him to feel anger, he just has to process it properly and not blow it all at you and expect you to deal with it for him,

Good for you knowing your limits and asserting your rights (in a loving manner).

The way I look at things (and I realize that my opinion might not be popular- although I think you share it), that there are things in life that we MUST do and often having to put up with unpleasantries: we must have a job to pay bills, we must provide care for minor children if we have them, we must pay rent if we are renting etc Those are “musts”.

Marriage in my opinion is not a MUST. It’s not something people have to do. One can be single and just enjoy friendships or single and date or single and live together etc etc

Since marriage isn’t something we must have, I don’t believe that we must put up with something or accept something that we don’t enjoy or allow something or even simply have less than what we want. I personally see no reason. I am not saying people must divorce after one fight or expect 100% perfection but I honestly think something close to 100% is desirable, otherwise why be married?

That’s why I am pleased to see that you want to stay if things improve and are good and you won’t put up with it if things are not right. That’s wise and logical approach.

In a meanwhile I am glad he is showing improvement. Good news!!!

"I do love him, but I have mounting concerns, some of which are financial. "

@golden_eve Ok....You may find this a "jump to conclusions' sort of thing, but, if the financial problems are on his end.....I can only tell you after 29 years that it does NOT change. I speak from VAST experience. Just recently, I had to finance ON MY OWN a house project that HE wanted because his credit is garbage. Mine is phenomenal. If he is not good with money, it doesn't get any better.
That is ALL I am going to say about that.

This response is a winner!!! I hope this isn't too off-topic we seem to live in a world where we are expected to couple up ASAP, so this is a breath of fresh air.

I didn’t get married until I was 48! Lol. I did not feel I needed to marry ASAP.

I hear you! Personally when I made my post, I didn’t mean you rushed to get married, I meant that I don’t believe people must stick around just because they got married. I don’t buy “marriage is hard and one must endure”. Doesn’t need to be hard and there is no “must endure” in my books. It’s just how I look at it.

I didn’t get married until I was 48! Lol. I did not feel I needed to marry ASAP.

Thanks, Divine. I knew what you meant. I, personally, am willing to stick it out because I just got married. Why would I bail ONE MONTH into the marriage??? RIGHT??? It's waayyyyy too soon. I have to at least give it a chance and him a chance. It's far too soon to bail. I am definitely not of that mindset. But I agree with you, generally speaking! IF it's SO hard, then maybe it's not right overall. But now I understand how it's different once you're married vs. just dating. A far different level of commitment. Much easier to bail when you're just dating AND not living together.

I also realize in saying this that I may be contradicting the title of my post. Though I don't really think so. It more so conveys all the doubts I felt just before and after the wedding, thinking PERHAPS it was a mistake.

Now that's patience! Lol Hopefully you didn't take it as me not being happy about your new marriage, I think it's a wonderful thing. It's just my experience has been different, my uni environment and social media accounts have done a great job making me feel inadequate about being single. But every experience is different. Threads like these not only help the original poster but the people involved too!