[SorryShaped]

It's been over a year since my friend ghosted me completely. As the title says, I'm not over it. I miss her. I miss being friends and having someone I knew I could tell anything. I did love her, but I don't think I was in love with her. I never told her that. I also haven't made a friend in all that time, at least none that I felt I could be that open with. I probably haven't because I don't feel I can trust anyone like that. She disappeared from my life completely, and left this huge hole that nothing can fill. I don't have a "best friend" and the people that call themselves my friends in real life aren't beyond the scope of where I met them, unless they want something. I must be a terrible human for this to happen so much.
One person did tell me, when she ended a different friendship, "things were getting too close." I'm not sure what that means.
So, I have nobody I feel like wants to be good friends, that will let me be there for them, and they for me.
I'm really out of the ability to trust like I could, and have over and over, because I'm going to be left yet again.
My questions are:
1) is it worth it?
2) am I worthy?
3) what is so wrong with me?
4) should I simply resign to being alone, as far as all relationships go?
5) what am I doing so wrong?
6) can I learn to trust again?

[Open Eyes]

It's very possible this person that ghosted you has some issues that has nothing to do with you and she ghosted other people as well.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

It's been over a year since my friend ghosted me completely. As the title says, I'm not over it. I miss her. I miss being friends and having someone I knew I could tell anything. I did love her, but I don't think I was in love with her. I never told her that. I also haven't made a friend in all that time, at least none that I felt I could be that open with. I probably haven't because I don't feel I can trust anyone like that. She disappeared from my life completely, and left this huge hole that nothing can fill. I don't have a "best friend" and the people that call themselves my friends in real life aren't beyond the scope of where I met them, unless they want something. I must be a terrible human for this to happen so much.
One person did tell me, when she ended a different friendship, "things were getting too close." I'm not sure what that means.
So, I have nobody I feel like wants to be good friends, that will let me be there for them, and they for me.
I'm really out of the ability to trust like I could, and have over and over, because I'm going to be left yet again.
My questions are:
1) is it worth it?
2) am I worthy?
3) what is so wrong with me?
4) should I simply resign to being alone, as far as all relationships go?
5) what am I doing so wrong?
6) can I learn to trust again?

Hi Friend

Yes yes yes you are worthy. When someone just vanished out of our lives it’s a huge blow, we start to question everything. It’s likely she had her own baggage that could have been the undoing.

I really wish people could just be honest. But we seldom get closure on relationships in a wrapping paper and a pretty bow.

I struggle with maintaining friendships and I have faded away from people because I just got to caught up in my own mess and overwhelmed, so I’m sure in the past there have been people upset and questioning what happened between us and were they at fault.

I should have found the strength to be honest or stronger or just kinder, but we are all imperfect disasters in our own ways, mental illness or not.

Is there a way for you look at your Bipolar from a different angle, find a pin point of light somewhere? You just need a thimble full of hope to get you right side up.

It’s time to realize you need to be kinder to yourself, yes it’s hard to do, but we offer kindness to others so we can comfort ourselves

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

It's very possible this person that ghosted you has some issues that has nothing to do with you and she ghosted other people as well.

It's happened several times in my life. I'm really blaming me at this point

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I struggle with maintaining friendships and I have faded away from people because I just got to caught up in my own mess and overwhelmed, so I’m sure in the past there have been people upset and questioning what happened between us and were they at fault.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but is this not normal? I always assumed it was common for friendships to end in this manner. People simply drift apart, find different interests or responsibilities, move away. It's just a thing that happens sometimes.

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Hi Friend

Yes yes yes you are worthy. When someone just vanished out of our lives it’s a huge blow, we start to question everything. It’s likely she had her own baggage that could have been the undoing.

I really wish people could just be honest. But we seldom get closure on relationships in a wrapping paper and a pretty bow.

I struggle with maintaining friendships and I have faded away from people because I just got to caught up in my own mess and overwhelmed, so I’m sure in the past there have been people upset and questioning what happened between us and were they at fault.

I should have found the strength to be honest or stronger or just kinder, but we are all imperfect disasters in our own ways, mental illness or not.

Is there a way for you look at your Bipolar from a different angle, find a pin point of light somewhere? You just need a thimble full of hope to get you right side up.

It’s time to realize you need to be kinder to yourself, yes it’s hard to do, but we offer kindness to others so we can comfort ourselves

I haven't felt I deserved the kindness I do get from others and especially not from myself in a long time. I do things that make me feel good, and they do, if only briefly. I do help others as much as I can but that only leaves me being there for everyone else and almost never them for me if I need it.

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by theoretical

Correct me if I'm wrong, but is this not normal? I always assumed it was common for friendships to end in this manner. People simply drift apart, find different interests or responsibilities, move away. It's just a thing that happens sometimes.

Not sometimes, but almost always for me. I've had very few really good friends over the course of my life, but all but three basically disappeared without saying goodbye or even telling me how much they hated me and never wanted to see me again. It's more painful for me to be abandoned than to be attacked. I know that says something about me.
We started covering Patanjali's sutras again tonight in yoga. The first of which is to be non-harming. It couldn't have been more appropriately timed. I had already made plans to cause harm tonight in a self-directed manner. I chose not to, and went to fix a meal for two of my kids that live together. It's rough, crying during down dog, but I knew I needed to deal with how I feel and not to harm. Now I'm home, alone, and can let all the pain out. So, I'm crying and going to sleep immediately.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

I haven't felt I deserved the kindness I do get from others and especially not from myself in a long time. I do things that make me feel good, and they do, if only briefly. I do help others as much as I can but that only leaves me being there for everyone else and almost never them for me if I need it.

((((((((( Sorry )))))))))

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

Not sometimes, but almost always for me. I've had very few really good friends over the course of my life, but all but three basically disappeared without saying goodbye or even telling me how much they hated me and never wanted to see me again.

What happened before they left? Were you fighting with each other, or did they simply have something else going on? Did they move away?

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by theoretical

Correct me if I'm wrong, but is this not normal? I always assumed it was common for friendships to end in this manner. People simply drift apart, find different interests or responsibilities, move away. It's just a thing that happens sometimes.

Well sure it happens sometimes , it’s often a gradual decrease in communicating tho, someone moves or change of jobs , marriage etc ...... but if your really close to someone then there is a deep feeling of wanting some closure. It’s a natural want and need most people can understand.

In the OP’s situation they had a very close relationship and she simply vanished. That leaves questions and doubts and an empty feeling which results in his questioning his worth.

Life is tough, I think we all need to just be kinder to others.... at least that’s how I feel.

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by theoretical

What happened before they left? Were you fighting with each other, or did they simply have something else going on? Did they move away?

One had a family he started. That's understandable. The rest were just gone

[Open Eyes]

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

It's happened several times in my life. I'm really blaming me at this point

It's not always your fault though SorryShaped, honestly people tend to make friends then their lives get full and they drift apart. Also, sometimes people distance because they are struggling in some way and begin to get quiet and distance or get involved with other things, other people etc.

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

My questions are:
1) is it worth it?
2) am I worthy?
3) what is so wrong with me?
4) should I simply resign to being alone, as far as all relationships go?
5) what am I doing so wrong?
6) can I learn to trust again?

1. No, it's not worth it. That's me projecting but I'm sort of joking too. It's only worth it, if it's something you need or want in your life.

2. That's up to you. Are your standards low or high for yourself with female friendships? Do you have platonic female friendships or FWB type friendships? What is your norm? What type of women do you befriend? Do you befriend them to rescue them, if you are a caretaker? Or, do you befriend women who are self-confident who don't need rescuing? What is your role with your female friendships?

3. Well, that depends on you. What do you think is wrong with you? What type of friendship did you have with this woman? Strictly platonic or did it blur the lines of FWB?

4. If you want to be alone then yes, resign yourself to no more relationships with women. But if you enjoy women's company, set higher standards for yourself and for the types of relationships you have. Weed out the relationships with women who don't meet your set standards.

5. That question can only be answered by you. It takes some self reflection.

6. Well, what type of friendship did you have with this woman a year ago? Was it a well-defined friendship or were the lines blurred about its intention and function in your life in any way, by either her or you?