"boyfriend", "manfriend", "partner", "spouse", or "husband?"

WishfulThinker66 · Jul 12, 2019 at 09:02 AM

So you've been in a relationship for a while. Maybe you are living together... what do you call your other half? What are you most comfortable with? At what point do you elevate the term you use from boy or girlfriend to spouse to husband or wife? Is it wrong to refer to the person you share your home with your spouse?

I just wonder.

I've recently started referring to my other half in life as my husband. At 66 maybe boyfriend is too humorous a term for him. I have gotten snickers. I think it funny at times too. "Manfriend" seems too wordy, and partner seems to give people a different idea. No problem with that but I'd prefer they understood just who I am talking about. So I have come down to now calling him my "husband." We certainly feel it that way. I am comfortable with that.

But I have gotten some disapproval from the more traditional types.

So my question is, what do you refer to your long term relationships as and how do others respond?

TunedOut · Jul 12, 2019 at 09:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WishfulThinker66

So you've been in a relationship for a while. Maybe you are living together... what do you call your other half? What are you most comfortable with? At what point do you elevate the term you use from boy or girlfriend to spouse to husband or wife? Is it wrong to refer to the person you share your home with your spouse?

I just wonder.

I've recently started referring to my other half in life as my husband. At 66 maybe boyfriend is too humorous a term for him. I have gotten snickers. I think it funny at times too. "Manfriend" seems too wordy, and partner seems to give people a different idea. No problem with that but I'd prefer they understood just who I am talking about. So I have come down to now calling him my "husband." We certainly feel it that way. I am comfortable with that.

But I have gotten some disapproval from the more traditional types.

So my question is, what do you refer to your long term relationships as and how do others respond?

What matter is that you and your other half are comfortable with whatever term you use.

That doesn't mean that others in your life have to call him your husband. My dad

who will turn 80 this year

calls his gf by her first name--I don't remember him using any other term for her. They have been together for a while and I use the term gf. As long as she makes my dad happy (of course it is not perfect but I assume she does otherwise why would he stay given they are not married

) then they can refer to each other by any name they want to!

WishfulThinker66 · Jul 12, 2019 at 09:31 AM

My own father (80) refers to his live-in partner of ten years as his companion. I've never heard the term girlfriend or otherwise from him. He rarely calls her by name. He has a really difficult time with names. I have winced when he has tried to as he will go through the gamut of names; me, my sister-in-law, my daughter, my cousin, and even (shudder) my mom's. He sticks to companion and I do feel badly for her as I feel she is worth a hell of a lot more than that.

Jul 12, 2019 at 10:08 AM

This is interesting. I got teased by my older sister a few years back for calling the man I was seeing boyfriend because he was 57.... she went so far as to say, isn't that kind of silly, he's not a "boy", so call him "mon petit chum"..... had to look it up, something like boyfriend but french. It irked me. I don't think age matters. But if I introduced him or he introduced me we were comfortable with boyfriend/girlfriend. Now that I think of it, and I have sometimes, I like "partner". But if someone says my significant other, I always assume that could mean they are gay/lesbian. Guess everyone's perspective is different.

divine1966 · Jul 12, 2019 at 10:23 AM

Good question. I’d say whatever you two want to call each other.

I am married so that’s no brainer how to call my husband but I had a long term significant other for 8-9 years and at least last 5 of those we lived together. We referred to each other as boyfriend/girlfriend. We were up in age too.

I never thought of calling him my husband but I had family members who referred to him as such. Like “where is your husband?” It never sounded right to me.

And one time I had this funny story. My niece 5-6 at the time asked me why I had two husbands. I about to fell over. I in fact had zero husbands at the time. She was referring to my daughters father, who is my ex husband, and my live-in boyfriend/significant other , whom she heard some people called my “husband”. So poor kid thought her auntie is bigamist or something.lol I had hard time explaining to her.

I am not a traditional person but I don’t call someone I am not married to as a husband. Like if I indicated everywhere that I wasn’t legally married why would I say I have a husband BUT I don’t care either way what others call each other.

Don’t give it another thought. If you two are commited to each other, then that’s what matters

Jul 12, 2019 at 03:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WishfulThinker66

But I have gotten some disapproval from the more traditional types.

I fail to see the problem here.

I only concern myself with labels if I need to know where the other person stands. Otherwise, I don't really care. If you've lived together for this long without needing a label, I don't think it's that important. Maybe it's ineffable.

sarahsweets · Jul 13, 2019 at 01:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WishfulThinker66

So you've been in a relationship for a while. Maybe you are living together... what do you call your other half? What are you most comfortable with? At what point do you elevate the term you use from boy or girlfriend to spouse to husband or wife? Is it wrong to refer to the person you share your home with your spouse?

Quote:

spouse noun
\ ˈspau̇s also ˈspau̇z \
Definition of spouse: married person : HUSBAND, WIFE

Quote:

Husband
noun
1.
a married man considered in relation to his spouse.

When it comes to the actual definitions referring to a partner using terms related to marriage when you are not would be "incorrect" factually. But that is just by basing it on the actual definition. Looking at it from the perspective of commitment and love for each other I can see how people can label themselves husband or wife even if they are not legally tied to each other. Calling someone your boyfriend to me is someone you care for and exclusively date. Partner to me indicated love, commitment, monogamous and living together.

I've recently started referring to my other half in life as my husband. At 66 maybe boyfriend is too humorous a term for him. I have gotten snickers. I think it funny at times too. "Manfriend" seems too wordy, and partner seems to give people a different idea. No problem with that but I'd prefer they understood just who I am talking about. So I have come down to now calling him my "husband." We certainly feel it that way. I am comfortable with that.

But I have gotten some disapproval from the more traditional types.

So my question is, what do you refer to your long term relationships as and how do others respond?

I think calling your partner husband is a gray area but only in the sense of legality. Personally I would prefer partner but I say husband out of habit.

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