[hannahsnickers]

Title pretty much says it all. I asked twice, he refused to tell me both times. I can't see him ever making a story like that up but isn't it really really weird that he won't tell me the name of the person? They were apparently 84 so it's definitely not an issue where he thinks I'm going to be jealous. It's making me think he's hiding something and I'm really upset over it

[Skeezyks]

Welcome to Psych Central, hannahsnickers. I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

some things are best left alone.
if you asked 2x and got the same answer then leave it. going out on a weird tree limb here, maybe it's a bully from childhood, or an abuser....maybe someone his family liked but he didn't, a weird neighbor, serial killer, just pain in the ***...what ever.

every family knows someone they would rather not...or has it as a member. that one person. your boyfriend may call this person "friend" now because that is the safest, easiest way for him to describe them to you. what ever the relationship is or was it's a painful one.

truth is he gave you the answer you asked for. not every question get YOU the answer YOU want. leave it. what ever it is it's a deep secret and he feels you are better off not knowing it.

let it go.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by hannahsnickers

Title pretty much says it all. I asked twice, he refused to tell me both times. I can't see him ever making a story like that up but isn't it really really weird that he won't tell me the name of the person? They were apparently 84 so it's definitely not an issue where he thinks I'm going to be jealous. It's making me think he's hiding something and I'm really upset over it

sometimes people dont tell their boyfriends and girlfriends the names of all their friends. I have friends that my wife is not friends with and my wife has friends with people that I am not friends with. I dont know all her friends names and she doesnt know all my friends names.

a person has a right to have friends outside of that boyfriend/ girlfriend or marriage. to put it in terms of a marriage counselor I saw on a tv talk show one time.... this isnt elementary school where the whole class gets to know who is friends with who, how and when. this is two adults being adults who just happen to be in a relationship together, but are choosing their own friendships and continuing to have a life outside of the relationship. I forget what show it was, I think it was Dr phil or Oprah or Ellen. these couple were engaged and the guy felt he should know and meet every single friend of his girlfriend before they got married.

my suggestion is since he does not what to include you in this friendship that just died with the death of his friend, its time to back out of that situation and if at some point in the future he wants to talk to you about his lost friend and friendship he will, handling death is hard enough with out the complication of someone trying to dig for secrets, I say let him have this secret. when he is ready he will come to you.