[mssweatypalms]

The last time I was in a relationship was almost 2 years ago. I know that I'm not yet ready to date again. I'm still working on unloading my emotional baggage. I want to know from you guys. How do you prepare to start dating again?

[Kelly68]

I think the best advice I've been given, is to be okay with yourself. It's very common to say you have to love yourself before another can love you, but I find that stuff seems a bit selfish and like a person with a big ego

. Naturally we want someone else. I watched a video about being single these days and how younger people get this idea of needing someone to complete them, even older people like myself. The whole, I think it was called Jerry McGuire, I'm not spelling it right, it's not even a movie I finished, but the sentence "you complete me" was stuck in my head. It's not so much about needing someone to complete us, but we are (if heterosexual) always missing the part of having that, in my words, companionship with the opposite sex. We do have to be a whole in ourselves first.

. Too many like myself for years, thought being single wasn't normal and I had to have a romantic partner. I'd rather be single than in a relationship right now. As you saw on my thread, I struggle myself. I won't go back to a dating app. It's like selling yourself. I'd rather meet someone in real life, and if not, then I'm okay too. But I'm 53 and losing interest in sex, so any man I know has been a friend for a long time, and this one I did give into lately as trying to be more than a friend isn't working out. But I have at least 3 males as friends and nothing more. They are good to talk to. More logical. Sorry, starting to talk about myself. But otherwise I don't have good insight as to where you start,

maybe when covid is opening up more things that have a common interest or hobby with males you could join a meetup group or something of interest. Best wishes to you.

[mssweatypalms]

Originally Posted by Kelly68

I think the best advice I've been given, is to be okay with yourself. It's very common to say you have to love yourself before another can love you, but I find that stuff seems a bit selfish and like a person with a big ego

. Naturally we want someone else. I watched a video about being single these days and how younger people get this idea of needing someone to complete them, even older people like myself. The whole, I think it was called Jerry McGuire, I'm not spelling it right, it's not even a movie I finished, but the sentence "you complete me" was stuck in my head. It's not so much about needing someone to complete us, but we are (if heterosexual) always missing the part of having that, in my words, companionship with the opposite sex. We do have to be a whole in ourselves first.

. Too many like myself for years, thought being single wasn't normal and I had to have a romantic partner. I'd rather be single than in a relationship right now. As you saw on my thread, I struggle myself. I won't go back to a dating app. It's like selling yourself. I'd rather meet someone in real life, and if not, then I'm okay too. But I'm 53 and losing interest in sex, so any man I know has been a friend for a long time, and this one I did give into lately as trying to be more than a friend isn't working out. But I have at least 3 males as friends and nothing more. They are good to talk to. More logical. Sorry, starting to talk about myself. But otherwise I don't have good insight as to where you start,

maybe when covid is opening up more things that have a common interest or hobby with males you could join a meetup group or something of interest. Best wishes to you.

Thanks for the reply and the advice.

To be honest, I have never bought into the idea that I need someone to complete me. Believe it or not, the first time I went on a date was when I was 29. I was interested in men before that of course, but I am socially awkward and never had the chance to be with men. At 29, I thought I had to find out how it feels like to have a companion or a partner and everything the goes together with dating. So, there I was asking my friends if they could introduce me to someone, but they said all the men they knew were already taken. That's how I got into online dating. It's a cruel and messy world. There were good times and there were bad times. I met several people, and it was a good learning experience for me. I even became friends with some of them. After that, I also joined a singles' get-together to meet someone whom I might have a good chemistry with. I went out with one, but it didn't go anywhere.

I've had 2 short relationships. The first ex from online dating wanted a child right away and didn't understand my mental illness. He forced himself on me once, and I just waited until I was sure I wasn't pregnant before I broke up with him. I was very angry and frustrated, but was too embarrassed to tell anyone about what happened.

The second ex was introduced by a friend, but he was a bit immature and I found out later on that he couldn't control his gambling and drinking. Then, he just left me without a word. From there on, I stopped seeing anybody. I went back to online dating, but quit after a short time.

Now, I started feeling like I should just stay single like I was before. However, a part of me wants to try again if I could find somebody who would be compatible with me. But I am hesitant and I don't want to start anything while having this feeling. I will wait until I'm ready again. And you're right. No online dating app again.

[Kelly68]

Oh, I'm so sorry about the guy that forced himself on you, that's so wrong. I don't mean to say dating apps are all wrong, but just for myself I don't find them helpful. I did meet some of my own male friends on them. Yes, you need to wait until you're comfortable with trying again. As for me I seriously want to give up, but I'd be letting the past control how I think now. I sure had some bad experiences too.

[mssweatypalms]

Originally Posted by Kelly68

Oh, I'm so sorry about the guy that forced himself on you, that's so wrong. I don't mean to say dating apps are all wrong, but just for myself I don't find them helpful. I did meet some of my own male friends on them. Yes, you need to wait until you're comfortable with trying again. As for me I seriously want to give up, but I'd be letting the past control how I think now. I sure had some bad experiences too.

It's very helpful to hear that about online dating. I won't be like maybe I should try again anymore. I'll just avoid it altogether.


I'm sorry you're struggling, too. I want to say that we shouldn't let the past influence our present, but that's just so hard to do.

[Scarbearer]

If you figure it out, let us know. I haven't been on a date in 15 years and have no idea how dating works now. I assume most of it is interest commonalities through social media platforms or friends of friends/family.

Church used to be good for finding dates I have heard, but thats probably just because they were social places.

[mssweatypalms]

Originally Posted by Scarbearer

If you figure it out, let us know. I haven't been on a date in 15 years and have no idea how dating works now. I assume most of it is interest commonalities through social media platforms or friends of friends/family.

Church used to be good for finding dates I have heard, but thats probably just because they were social places.

Definitely, I will share it if I find something that works for me. I'm thinking of joining some singles parties when it's safe to go out and meet people again. Maybe next year or 2 years later.

[Britedark]

I am very sorry to read about your experience. I had two relationships- lasting 5 years and 2 years respectively. First was a Cluster B (probably a narcissist) and second was a married man (I knew that from the start). After that I am off relationships. Single life suits me just fine. In any case this corona has screwed most of our chances at socialising. I am sending you good vibes and hoping you will meet someone decent soon. Singles parties sounds like a better option than online dating.

[mssweatypalms]

Originally Posted by Britedark

I am very sorry to read about your experience. I had two relationships- lasting 5 years and 2 years respectively. First was a Cluster B (probably a narcissist) and second was a married man (I knew that from the start). After that I am off relationships. Single life suits me just fine. In any case this corona has screwed most of our chances at socialising. I am sending you good vibes and hoping you will meet someone decent soon. Singles parties sounds like a better option than online dating.

That's quite a long time and it must have been hard. Being single is not that bad for me either. These pandemic restrictions give me the chance to think more about what I want in the future when it comes to having a partner. I want to try dating again when things are better so things would be clearer to me.


Thank you. I'll tell you if something works for me.