[Kathcy27]

I found out that my fiancé is looking up her ex girlfriend on social media, they are friends on Facebook and instagram. We had an argument and while I was at school, I had the our chrome book which has his phone connected to it, I went through the history and found out he was looking up and going through his this particular ex pictures, when he got back I told him about it and he apologized. We are planned to get married first week of November. I have been through a horrible relationship before him whereby I found out my current then bf was having affair when I went through his phone. I don’t know what to do, he is in the military and we moved to a new state where I don’t have any friends. He apologized, and I forgave him but deep down my heart I haven’t really forgave him. I don’t know what to do .
Please help

[s4ndm4n2006]

personally if you're not 100% sure they are or will be faithful or there is even a hint of suspicion related to exes or other women, I would at the very least hold off on the engagement. Marriage is intended to be a life commitment and is a huge decision don't go into it lightly and make sure you have your ducks in a row. Note I am not saying necessarily break it off as advice but perhaps it is too soon?

[MickeyCheeky]

Yes, I COMPLETELY with the WISE AND WONDERFUL @s4ndm4n2006 and his WISE AND WONDERFUL ADVICE ABOUT ALL OF THIS! I am TRULY, DEEPLY SORRY that you're HURTING AND STRUGGLING SO BADLY and that you're GOING THROUGH ALL OF THIS! I TRULY, DEEPLY AM! I'd say definitely put off your Marriage with him as you won't be able to go back very easily once you go through with it. Marriage is REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY SERIOUS THING! As for your relationship with him in general, can i ask you if this is the first time something like this happens? I think it's important to note that he didn't actually cheat on you although that is a possibility of course. If you feel like you haven't TRULY forgave him, if there are still some doubts inside your Heart, then I'd say it's best to talk to about ALL OF THIS and see how it goes from there! I hope he'll listent o what you have to say and understand what you mean if he TRULY cares about you! Please keep us updated on your situation and let us know how it goes if you can and wish to ONLY if you want to do that of course! The final choice is COMPLETELY up to you! Feel free to PM me ANYTIME if you need someone to talk to or vent to or even simply some advice and support if you need it or want to! I am SURE plenty of others will also GLADLY, KINDLY, WISELY, BEAUTIFULLY AND WONDERFULLY help you out as well! THAT'S A PROMISE! YOU CAN REST ASSURED OF THAT! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Katchy27, your family, your friends, your boyfriends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking! I am TRULY, DEEPLY SORRY that you're GOING THROUGH ALL OF THIS and that you're HURTING AND STRUGGLING SO BADLY! I TRULY, REALLY AM! Please NEVER GIVE UP HOPE NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS! KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP ROCKING!

[Skeezyks]

Hello Kathcy: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to Psych Central.

Here are links to 6 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that (hopefully) may be of interest. Several of these are targeted at people who might be having emotional affairs themselves rather than at the partners of people who might be having them. However, hopefully, perusing them can still be of value for you. Also included is a link to an article that discusses early warning signs a relationship will fail plus 1 on how to know you're with the right person:

Understanding the Different Types of Infidelity

3 Signs You Might Be Having An Emotional Affair

5 Ways to Tell If You're Having an Emotional Affair

12 Warning Signs That It's Emotional Infidelity – And Not 'Just Friendship'

When Does Flirting Become Cheating? 9 Red Flags

https://psychcentral.com/blog/what-i...al-infidelity/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/8-earl...hip-will-fail/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-do...-right-person/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

[bpcyclist]

Hey, Kathcy. Thanks for reaching out to us. I am very sorry you are in this situation, especially being in Tampa now where you apparently do not have many friends for support. That is awful. I agree with what has been said above. What you are in is a certified mess. In my experience, people who are happy and excited about getting married are not simultaneously having sneaky contact with exes. That, for me, is just an enormous red flag. I don't know if you've been married before, but if you haven't, let me just share my perspective, having been married for 17 years (mostly, unhappily). The process of getting married--the parties, the ceremony, rehearsal dinner, and reception, not to mention, the honeymoon--are often a lot of fun. At least some of it is. There is so much planning, it is easy to get swallowed up by the tasks and forget what you are actually about to do. In the United States, marriage. in many ways and in many instances, is, indeed, virtually forever. Oh, sure, you can always get divorced. But depending on the particulars of your and your fiance's situation, that divorce process may link you together for a very, very long time. In my case, there was a child involved and some assets and so, unfortunately, here I am, 11 years post-divorce, still somewhat tethered by these various agreements to my ex, whom I cannot stand. Not fun.

I am not trying or wanting to rain on your parade, but I do feel a duty, given your situation, to suggest that you give serious thought to what marriage is: a lifetime commitment. If you think, despite what you've learned, that you are ready to go for it, then go for it. I have no doubt that you will know best. But if you are meaningfully worried about what is going on, then perhaps putting it off for awhile is best. Only you will know.