[rdgrad15]

I find that it's best to keep to yourself at work. The reason is because trying to be a part of a team with coworkers seems to be just as hard as it is to fit in during school. I feel like it's best to just interact with them on a professional level and that's it, especially since that's technically what work is for. You're there to work, not really to make friends. You can make friends if you desire, but that's not the purpose.

The reason I come to this conclusion is because my work environment is very cliquy. This can happen in any work environment of any kind. I work at a high school, which is ironic since high schoolers are cliquy too, so technically my coworkers are acting the same way as the students. I tried to fit in with them but they just all shut me out. That's why I only associate with them on a professional level.

I used to try to discuss other things too since they do that with each other but it doesn't work. In fact, there has been times where even if it is work related, they will still exclude me and won't let me in. To me, that's alarming since I feel like if it's work related, then it could be something that I should know about too. They are all older than me so that probably plays a part in it but I still wonder how genuine work "friendships" really are.

I will hear my coworkers tell each other, or even post on facebook that they are great friends but at the same time, there's lots of gossiping. Also there is one coworker that from just seeing her at work, you would think she actually considers everyone a friend, but outside of work, she actually wants nothing to do with anyone at work. That's why I wonder if people who say they are friends with coworkers are just being polite or only keep their "friendship" at work, similar to kids who say they have some friends for school only.

After I stopped trying to be included with them, I noticed that I feel much happier. The only time I still get annoyed is when they exclude me out of work related conversations since it's about work and I feel like everyone on the team should know what's being talked about since it may be important. It makes me think that my coworkers actually don't like me being there. When the day comes for me to leave, which may not be long since I'm looking for another job, I really don't think they will care.

On the rare occasion where I take off work, they don't give a crap, but they do if someone else takes off. Do you guys keep to yourself at work? Do you find it odd that it's odd to be excluded from work related conversations? I actually feel happier now that I keep to myself and only talk when I have to about work related stuff only. I don't engage in gossip, they do that a lot and I want nothing to do with it. I know I've been talked about before. They think I have no idea but I've caught them talking about me before.

I've also caught them talking about each other. One minute it may look like a couple of them are best friends, but as soon as one leaves, the other one will start saying nasty stuff about the person that just left. That's a big part of why I want a new job, also because I need full time anyway. But still, I find that the work environment is very toxic and I shouldn't be there and maybe it's best that I don't fit in. It actually scares me that people who are in there 40's and 50's talk poorly about each other like high school students.

Do you know why coworkers may exclude you from work related discussions? That's really the only other thing, in terms of fitting in, that still bothers me. I no longer care if I'm not a part of some random discussion or invited to an outing that has nothing to do with work. But when I'm left out of a work related discussion, I still get annoyed since I want to know if it's important, which usually it is. Have you ever been excluded from work related discussions as well as non-work related topics? Just wondered what you guys thought.

Originally Posted by rdgrad15

I find that the work environment is very toxic and I shouldn't be there and maybe it's best that I don't fit in. It actually scares me that people who are in there 40's and 50's talk poorly about each other like high school students.

Indeed. There's going to be some degree of favoritism and office gossip in nearly any career where you have to work with other people, but your work environment seems excessively vile. I think looking for another job is your best option. You're probably not going to be happy trying to play office politics with a bunch of catty assholes who never made it out of the high school mentality.

As for the more general advice of keeping to yourself at work, I disagree. I've made friends with nearly all of my co-workers, and we often discuss things that have nothing to do with work. It makes the time pass a lot faster, if nothing else. Of course, that depends on your co-workers.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by theoretical

Indeed. There's going to be some degree of favoritism and office gossip in nearly any career where you have to work with other people, but your work environment seems excessively vile. I think looking for another job is your best option. You're probably not going to be happy trying to play office politics with a bunch of catty assholes who never made it out of the high school mentality.

As for the more general advice of keeping to yourself at work, I disagree. I've made friends with nearly all of my co-workers, and we often discuss things that have nothing to do with work. It makes the time pass a lot faster, if nothing else. Of course, that depends on your co-workers.

I agree. No point in being involved with catty coworkers. Yeah they aren’t very nice, not worth my time. And in terms of keeping to yourself, that’s good that you can talk about topics that are unrelated to work. I wish I could do that. Trust me, I tried. When the day comes for me to get a new job which won’t be long, maybe I’ll be able to talk to others about non-work related topics without feeling excluded or feeling like I’m being talked about. Yeah there will always be gossip but some places are worse than others.

[LilyMop]

I am very friendly but I don’t get personal and make friendships outside of work. I have felt left out and lonely at times but I’ve noticed that the cliquey groups often tend to get themselves into some form of trouble. Resentments and conflicts build up. People can get a bad reputation for associating too much with the gossipy crowd. Everyone is aware of what’s going on. I would rather remain professional and friendly.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by LilyMop

I am very friendly but I don’t get personal and make friendships outside of work. I have felt left out and lonely at times but I’ve noticed that the cliquey groups often tend to get themselves into some form of trouble. Resentments and conflicts build up. People can get a bad reputation for associating too much with the gossipy crowd. Everyone is aware of what’s going on. I would rather remain professional and friendly.

Yeah I totally agree with you.

[BreakForTheLight]

I've done pretty much that - a few people at work I get along with and they know me better than others - and I constantly get the feedback that I'm too closed off I'm always friendly to my coworkers, open to questions, but apparently I need to have a more personal relationship with them.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by BreakForTheLight

I've done pretty much that - a few people at work I get along with and they know me better than others - and I constantly get the feedback that I'm too closed off I'm always friendly to my coworkers, open to questions, but apparently I need to have a more personal relationship with them.

Oh okay well I'm glad you have a good relationship with them. Every work place is different. Some are more tolerant than others.