[Mstanton86]

I thought I had found the woman of my dreams, the woman I had longed for, my companion, my lover, my key to happiness. I was wrong. The dream faded, the happiness died the day that she hit me. I stayed anyway, I had hoped that my sweet, loving ,caring woman would return to me. She hit me again, much worse this time. I stayed anyway. I stayed despite the alcoholism, despite the verbal abuse, despite the hatred that I saw in her. I thought that I could be her champion. I thought that I could be her white knight. I thought that I could help her battle her schizophrenia. Even now as I write this, i feel like a coward for leaving her. She has been working so hard to get help. Did i not vow, "in sickness and in health?" There was not a caveat to this vow, I did not say, "unless that sickness will last a lifetime and cause me undo suffering. " Am I giving up on the love of my life? Am I being a coward for leaving her? I fear that a future with her will be miserable, but I am miserable right now anyway. What if we have children? Will they inherit her illness? Would she eventually have another breakdown and treat them like she has treated me? Will she hit them? Will she call them names and make them feel worthless? Will she burn their clothes in the yard, like she did to me? Our first year and a half together was the happiest time in my life. The last two years have been some of the hardest. I feel like a fool for still loving her. I feel like a coward for abandoning her.

[~Christina]

Just because someone has a mental illness doesn’t mean you are there punching bag emotional or literal.

I have Bipolar I.... I see a Pdoc and a Therapist. I have mood swings at times, but I am still responsible for my actions. I internalize things so if anyone will get hurt it will be me. I have never lashed out at others, thankfully

Couple counseling??? Would she go?

There is no excuse for physical violence. You are not a coward. You are simply a person that has tried desperately to hold things together when the other person likely isn’t doing there part.

I think it would be wise to find yourself a Therapist to help you process the relationship and how you plan to live your life, maybe she will get better control of her illness or maybe you will find moving forward without her will be the best thing for you.

Good luck