[ShadowGX]

I dunno, just sort of opening this discussion to see if anyone else out there relates to the feels and wants to chime in or can maybe get something out of what I write. Not really looking for advice because I know how to handle it I think, more just looking for discussion on the topic to hopefully calm my mind. I'd especially like to hear from people who might have gotten past this stage for the better or even worse and what they learned from it.

So the last couple days I've been talking to a potential mate. It's been a really nice change of pace and I feel legit happy from it, but also extremely anxious and worried because, well, anxiety is like that, ya know? I mean, for once it's a situation where someone had feels for me first and I returned it, not the usual me falling for someone who never returns it.

Let's start with the happy bits. Long story short... He made it clear that he likes me and is interested in pursuing me in that fashion, lots in common in the super important areas (we've had some crazy deep talks over these two days, all of which has felt organic and good overall), and we're even able to find common interests. On an emotional level it just clicks, we seem to just get where the other is coming from and have had similar experiences with past relationships. He's very kind and understanding while being willing to be direct, plus seems to be pretty level-headed about goals and expectations. He's got an adorable personality, voice, and looks which isn't even an important aspect to me (voices get me more than anything, heh). Maybe my favorite thing is that he knows he has flaws and is trying to work through the ones he can fix and his past pain in therapy, rather than just give up, which I sadly fail at myself a lot.

That said... here comes the anxious to complicate it. We've both been burned a lot and struggle with being jaded. We both acknowledge it and I think we have a solid understanding that we need to give it an honest chance or it definitely won't work, but also acknowledge that it's going to be easier said than done. I also worry about just how much he struggles with his mental health.
[!!trigger warning!!]He has mentioned suicidal thoughts, and I don't know if I could be a good person for him to lean on if he was in a moment where he was highly considering or about to attempt.
[!!end trigger!!]
I would like to think I could handle it ok, but it would depend on my own mental state as well. If I was in a similar mood at the time... oof. I'll just leave it at that.

I technically met him 5ish months ago, but he was just fresh out of a break-up which I think made me nervous subconsciously AND I was going through some stuff at the time that made it extremely hard for me to socialize to even the slightest extent. We played a game together, but it didn't go well. I was coming off of as irritated because he didn't know the game and was struggling to learn it, though I wasn't actually irritated (I have a "resting b--ch" voice, lul), and he was being hurt by it, so I didn't push to try to be friends with him after that because I thought maybe it was too easy for me to upset him and it might not work out because of that. We attempted to play a game again a month or so after when he offered, but it didn't happen, just no click. I've wanted to bug him a couple times since, but could never bring myself to because I kept going back to how it felt incompatible during the first gaming attempt. Fast forward to what is now a couple days ago, he messaged me to see how I was an apologized for being anti-social, which led into a big convo about basically what I just said above. Timing was bad before, that's for sure. We had a couple good talks before, but something about a couple days ago was different, like it felt like things just worked.

So our plan is to just give it time, let it grow if it is meant to grow and see how it ends up before making any decisions on dating or not while trying to keep hopes and expectations at a minimum. I know we absolutely cannot rush it, especially considering how we've both been hurt and struggle with mental health things. It needs to feel right for more than just a couple of days worth of talk. This weekend he's letting me rope him into watching a spoopy movie, so that will be interesting. We're gonna try to play some other games too, one of which he actually knows how to play so it should go smoother and it will be a good test to see how he handles my slightly ragey side, heh. I think we're both being realistic about it and the way we discussed it has been comforting. There's still a lot of variables though that could get in the way of course, but the key is not to focus on those variables and go with the flow.