What do your in-laws do that upsets you?

They're very conservative and have gotten angry at me for even mentioning that I listen to NPR. My wife's brother asked what book I was reading and then got mad when I told him and described what the book was about (There Are No Children Here-it's about life in the inner city).

One of my brother-in-laws angrily described himself as an ardent Bill O'Reilly fan - apparently trying to get a reaction out of me. (This happened a couple of years ago, he hasn't mentioned O'Reilly since O'Reilly was forced out of Fox).

Saying things like "we're all going on a vacation together, but we didn't invite you".

Saying things like "we're all going to heaven- and then looking over at me to gauge my reaction".

Just the fact that they continuously bait me with obviously inflammatory comments.

My wife's brother angrily and loudly told me that he doesn't like the fact that I'm studying philosophy and loudly said that they were Christians- as if philosophy and Christianity are incompatible (they've obviously never heard of Alvin Plantinga).

It's gotten so bad that we've decided not to go to their house for any of the holidays or other get-togethers for the rest of the year. I just need a break from them.

I've tried to convince myself that maybe they aren't consciously doing these things- and that maybe I'm reading too much into it. But it's too much effort. It's like trying to convince myself that water isn't actually wet.

I'm sorry you had to get through these experiences. There are plenty of stories on here that talk about issues with in-laws and it seems it's a universal theme of discontent, so trust me, you aren't alone in that. Many are even less tolerable, not to compare of course. It's probably for the best that you and your wife spend some time apart from them. Of course, if it gets worse or trouble with them increases, you or your wife would be best to tell them that if they don't stop with inflammatory comments, and offence against you, you will have to take a longer break from them. That will force them to reconsider their behaviour against you.

I am so very sorry you are having to deal with this. I am wondering what your wife makes of all this and whether she, from her own experiences, has any insight into why these folks are being so provocative.

In my experience and generally speaking, bringing up politics in any multi-generational family is likely the road to nowhere. And trying to tell this group of people that you don't want to discuss or get into political issues seems like it is likely to fall on deaf ears. You could, of course, try, but I wouldn't hold out great hope for a transformative experience there.

You may just end up being one of those families that spends very little time together. They exist. I am in one. There are worse things. However you elect to proceed, I personally would not put up with this in-your-face gamesmanship (nor would I if they were all MSNBC fanatics). It's just inappropriate. And no fun. Life's short. Spend it with people you like.

I have no parent-in-laws in this present relationship although my husband does have siblings. Only one sister and her husband talk to us or give us the time of day - this since an incident several Summers ago. The short story is that at a family gathering they were teasing, mentally and verbally abusing the son of one of my husband's BILs. I had observed this young man to be autistic and to likely have a mental health issue. They were merciless and went in for the jugular when he pleaded with them to stop. It was one of the cruelest things I have ever seen. These people were getting sheer glee from battering and destroying this boy. It was awful and I couldn't just sit there and watch. So I stood up and told everyone to stop. These people were shocked I would do such a thing. Next they turned their bullying onto me. My husband spoke up in my defense and we then left. With the exception then of the one sister we have been persona non grata ever since. I feel badly my outburst has caused a rift between my husband and his family. Yet, I would take the same action again and again and again.