My Marriage

Been together ten years and married 8. I’ve recent come off of abilify completely. I’m tittering up Lamotrigine and will be taking my third dosage of 50 mg tonight. Long story short, My husband is in the military and use to work another job but eventually quit due to no prospects in advancement with that job. I was miserable when he was working to jobs. I wanted him to be home more. I told him I’d rather him play games all day every day then work to jobs. So, now he just has his military active duty job. I was on a very low dosage of ability when I was miserable while he was working two jobs. Maybe 5mg. Then I got put on Lamotrigine and I just want my husband around all the time and when he plays video games I become irrationally angry at him for not spending time with me. I’ve said I wanted to go home because I need someone with me all the time. I’ve said it a lot lately. Well, today I said I wanted to go home again. My husband just lost it. Packed up all his games and consoles to giveaway. But it’s all he has. He does everything for us. He said he can’t do it anymore because he grew up with parents who made him believe everything was okay and then would rip the rug out from under him. It’s been TEN YEARS. He said we’re such a power couple in all aspects of our lives but this. But this is still something that always bothers me. He said he can’t do it again. He loves me enough to get rid of him games but won’t bring them back because if it happens again he’ll be done with our relationship. He loves me. But he’ll be done. I feel like such a burden. I just cling to him right now and I have severe anxiety when he isn’t around. I really don’t want to ruin my relationship but I really feel like I’m pushing my husband to his breaking point. I love his man more than words can say. Please, give me all the tough love I need. I want to be a better person. Last night I had severe intrusive thought about suicide and I almost panicked and he helped calm me down.