[kookieee]

I REALLY NEED SOME ADVICE!

I’m almost 30 and I have a SERIOUS girl crush on my almost 40 yr old dance instructor mentor.. I know that it's just a girl crush and not a real one because I’m straight and my crush on her doesn't ever get sexual or inappropriate. It's still a very strong one nonetheless and it's becoming hard to control..

I DON'T want to act on it EVER. I just went through a very traumatizing breakup last September and she's also married and has a family. Even if she were a single guy, I wouldn’t want to date anyone right now anyway..

I have a girl crush on her because I look up to her and admire her SO MUCH for her personality and how she inspires the students in her class! She's also sooooo dang pretty.. Like when she smiles at me, I get so giddy that I feel like I'm going to explode. That alone could make my entire week and I can’t stop thinking about her smiles. Our dance class is always full and my favorite moments are always when I get to to dance right next to her and see us dancing together in the mirror. Simultaneously I get so jealous and almost annoyed 'cause no matter what I do I can't be as pretty as her lol.

Overall though she is very cool and I just really want to be her friend!

My concern is that I'm not entirely sure if it's obvious and I'm afraid that if it is, it's just going to make her very uncomfortable because it can be easy to misunderstand.. The LAST thing I want to do is make her feel uncomfortable or creeped out by me.

It's hard to open up to anyone about this because I have very conservative friends and family; they don't really understand the concept of a girl crush..

Is there a way for me to figure out on my own if she knows in any way? (I’m not close to her or any of her friends; she just became my mentor almost 2 months ago).
How can I be less obvious?
How can I build a friendship with her?

I feel SO awkward and embarrassed 'cause I don't even remember when I've ever felt like this before. I feel like I'm in high school all over again and it’s like it’s hard to have a grip on reality right now! Is this normal??

Any advice you can give is MUCH appreciated! Thank you! <3

[mote.of.soul]

Hi kookieee.

You sound like you're exercising a lot of discretion in terms of your feelings when you're around your gym instructor, so, if I were you, I'd assume she doesn't know how you feel because in reality, she doesn't know for 100%, at all.

And if she did know you had feelings, well, as a gym instructor, I doubt it'd put her off doing her job. She probably gets a lot of more obvious looks from people, as well, I'd say. Probably dates, too, idk.

You can assume you're flying under the radar with her [in a good way, ha].

[bpcyclist]

Are you phsycially attracted to her? Or, I guess, what I really mean to ask is, do you think it is possible that you are physically attracted to her and just trying to hide that from yourself? Lots of people don't figure out they have attractions to the same sex until later in life. Lots.

[kookieee]

Originally Posted by mote.of.soul

Hi kookieee.

You sound like you're exercising a lot of discretion in terms of your feelings when you're around your gym instructor, so, if I were you, I'd assume she doesn't know how you feel because in reality, she doesn't know for 100%, at all.

And if she did know you had feelings, well, as a gym instructor, I doubt it'd put her off doing her job. She probably gets a lot of more obvious looks from people, as well, I'd say. Probably dates, too, idk.

You can assume you're flying under the radar with her [in a good way, ha].

Thank you SO much for this! This gives me so much relief lol.

I doubt she gets asked out on dates a lot though; she has a lot of regular students and almost everyone knows she's married and have kids (she mentions them almost every class lol). Most of the students are also female. This is why I was afraid of getting singled out because I didn't think this kind of girl crush happening to her that often..

[kookieee]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Are you phsycially attracted to her? Or, I guess, what I really mean to ask is, do you think it is possible that you are physically attracted to her and just trying to hide that from yourself? Lots of people don't figure out they have attractions to the same sex until later in life. Lots.

I guess I can say that I am physically attracted to her but only with her face.. I don't find myself ever staring at any other body part of hers. I also can't imagine ever doing anything sexual or inappropriate with her, even if I had the chance to. I think I tried imagining once 'cause I was so confused but even just the thought of it feels icky to me (and I feel bad saying that lol). When I've really liked guys in the past, my thoughts can definitely get there and I can get turned on by certain things they've done. I've never been turned on from anything she's done, so I can at least tell that difference from other experiences.

Also from what I understood from classes in Psychology and testimonies of other people, I learned that you can have a physical, mental, and emotional attraction to someone but if you're not sexually attracted to them, then that doesn't really affect your sexuality.

I often find myself looking at her pictures and accidentally blurting out loud "She's SO f-ing pretty.. Like how can anyone be this pretty?? It's not fair" lol. So maybe it's more of a jealousy thing?

I think I'm mostly confused as to why I get this giddy when she smiles. Experiencing that at nearly 30 yrs old just feels so wrong to me and I feel insecure about it lol