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Anonymous48813
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Default Nov 12, 2019 at 03:52 PM
  #1
So this happened a year ago. To the point I left the sports club.
Till this day I'm still puzzled of this individual behavior. I'm trying to figure out as to why some would go out there way to be like this.

So I thought maybe you guys might have an explanation for it.

So my question is why would someone have the need to push in a small sport club to be the top meaning becoming a staff member? to the point they persuade people by constantly baking cookies every week. Which was true. Every week since the frist day they came in. Was cookies. If anyone say some thing good about the cookies she would say "nah, I think they are disgusting" eventually she even started dating the captain of the club. Which I thought was unprofessional.

It got to the point the captain started ignoring me in the sport club. I felt very uncomfortable towards the end.

As my position in the staff sport club. I was one uncharged of the socail media of things. Taking photos and uploading them and taking videos.

The captain did have a lack of trust in me. Since he became very micromanaging towards me how social media should work.

The individual who baked the cookies once said to me because we were discussing about my videos. "Who has time to do that" which I felt really shocked and hurt her saying that.
I put a lot of work into it. I would go to the competitions of the sports club film it edited add music. It takes a lot of hours when editing if anyone worked in the professionalism business of filming.

I didnt got paid for this work. I did it because my therapist encouraged me to get out there socialise.

Well obviously it was wrong crowd of sorts of people unfortunately.

I left the group.
I even left messager group chat and there closee group private page.

Because the captain and the individual who baked the cookies who was or is dating the captain along with the president of the club. Had a meeting about rules in the club. There was a rule of who I could take photos of.
Personally I didnt like this. I felt annoyed, angry and frustrated. Because once people start controlling your creativity flow. It just ends up terrible. It's like when producers in films have more control than the director and the end product of the movie sucks.

So I left.
Never heard anything from anyone from the club.

Accept for the president and this old dude who is a coach of the club. Unfollow me on Instagram.
I felt rejected and hurt. Confused. Because I haven't spoken to these people since last year.
I thought "Oh they probably spoke about me and had some werid theory of why I was messaging the captain and thought I liked the captain, some werid rubish" when really I was using a skill from this group I went to Dailet behaviour therapy of how to communicate to people. Which is called Dear Man which stands for
D Stands for Describe
E Stands for Express
A Stands for Assert
R Stands for Reinforce

M stands for Mindful
A Stands for Assertive
N Stands for Negotiate

I also leant how to emotional vaildate people.

So because I had no friends and captain was nice to me to begin with. I guess I became over friendly and that probably why he ignored me. Also, well I offer help to the coach and the president to help with there end of year club competition match. The captian got upset because he couldnt do what he wanted to do last year.
So literally he ignored everyone and would go in another hall and trained individual there sports.

So all and all what you think of the situation?
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TishaBuv
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Default Nov 12, 2019 at 04:25 PM
  #2
I’m not sure what you are asking. Can you phrase the question better?

Bringing cookies to a sports club is kinda funny and counter productive to health, though.

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Default Nov 12, 2019 at 05:15 PM
  #3
The only people who can answer your question are the people at the club. Since you haven't had contact with them you're not likely going to get any answers.

While your therapist was probably thinking they were being helpful, what happened here is you not only joined a club, but became overly involved to the point of investing a lot of energy on something they didn't appreciate. Best to just move on from it, nothing to be gained by continuing to ask questions about it.
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Anonymous48813
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Default Nov 12, 2019 at 07:50 PM
  #4
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Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
I’m not sure what you are asking. Can you phrase the question better?

Bringing cookies to a sports club is kinda funny and counter productive to health, though.
Um... why would someone want to please people so badly that they bake cookies every week? Even on the frist day thet come?

And why would they not take a nice comment how good the cookies are but tell the person " I think they are disgusting"

And why would they want to push through to be top best in the club? Meaning to become staff etc.

I've seen this before when I went to a course for 2 years and there was these students really pushing to "friends" to the teacher to the point it was dsyfuntional.
For example the teacher was forced to move the desk around because students were expressing how the "favourites" were getting the most help.
So once "favourites" were moved about in the class room one of the students said to the teacher, and I was there when it happened. "I better pass this exam, or I'm gonna said a complaint on you"

It even went far as the teacher played a movie in the class room everyone was distracted. So during the movie I needed to go to the toilet and I saw the same girl who threaten the teacher she would sent a complaint. Talking to the teacher and other private.
That's when I realised it was set up.

I was very pleased, disappointed, shocked of the event.
Thought it was be on unprofessionalism.

That's what I meant.
What's wrong with these people want to push everyone down to get to the top?

Are they narcissistic? Sociopathic traits?
Some form of personaitly disoder?
Maybe lack of empathy or low emotional IQ?
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Default Nov 12, 2019 at 07:52 PM
  #5
The therapist didnt thought they were helpful.
She thought it was best for me to leave the club..

Yeah, you right I put a lot of time to the point they didnt appreciate at all.
But just curious what made.you say I became overly involved?
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Default Nov 12, 2019 at 08:58 PM
  #6
I honestly have given up trying to understand other people’s actions.

Now I just focus on my self care and watching that I have reasonable boundaries etc.

So she brought cookies ? Ok to me that’s odd .. then she says they are disgusting ? Umm well okay guess that person is a bit odd, mentally just move passed it.

Who take pics why where and when ? Social media posting? I’d just ask for clarification and if I felt used, excluded or judged. I’d either just accept the guidelines and still go if I found any of it enjoyable. But it seemed for you that it wasn’t so you left. Sad you never heard from anyone but life isn’t really polite anymore. That’s on them.

I’d not let that stop me from stepping out of my comfort zone and socialize. I might be a bit slower to take on a big part of the group.

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Default Nov 13, 2019 at 04:12 PM
  #7
It sounds like you’ve noticed other people who ‘kiss up’ to raise their status. I’m not sure why your work was not appreciated. Maybe the club has to protect their members from having their images posted online?

Volunteering and getting involved at places is good, but you can easily inadvertently ‘ruffle someone’s feathers’ by doing something you thought would be appreciated, but it isn’t. I’m sorry you had a bad experience at this place.

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