Reminiscing about a past friendship

Always seems to happen around this time of year, but I've been thinking about a younger guy I used to work with. Will call him G.

We were more than colleagues, but never had a sexual relationship. Not only was he good-looking, but always helpful. Sometimes conversations were interrupted by the phone, with comments left hanging in the air. Called me one afternoon whilst on business trip in Germany and also on a day's leave walking his daughter round the park. We had some frank discussions about relationships, including extra-marital ones. He made it plain that he'd never do that to his wife. As for flirting, he didn't understand it. My response was "for someone like that, you're doing well!"

Then there was the time I was going on holiday with my now ex. On the day I flew, G told a female colleague that he was already missing me although the plane hadn't left the runway. A conversation ensued where he said some things that she never repeated. All she said to me was "you've got to talk". Then one day when we were in the office together, G and I talked about my holiday. I can't remember exactly what I said but his response was "that's because I've missed you". With that, he stood up and went for a walk. The chat didn't continue when he returned.

Devastated when he left the company, although we stayed in touch. Also said many times that he missed me. Sadly, we haven't seen each other for nearly five years. Has my phone number and e-mail address but haven't heard from him unless I instigate contact. So, will never know whether G fell in love with me or was indeed a "master flirter". We never kissed properly, just a strange brush of my cheek near to my mouth one Christmas. After that we resorted to hugs at suitable moments.

Anyone else had experiences like this when the shock has rendered you unable to ask someone just what the hell is going on?!

No, but this could have happened to me. Nothing should be left untold. It's so sad.

Well, I don't see how anything could have developed because G had made it clear to you that he could never cheat on his wife. He may have had a crush on you, but he just was not in any position to do anything about it. I think if he had been, he would have contacted you. It's best to let sleeping dogs lie sometimes.

poshgirl I think you should leave the memory of G behind. It didn't happen when he worked with you because he was married. I would delete his name and phone and email from your cellphone and move on with your life.

Thanks for your views.

No intention of contacting him after all this time. As happens at this time of year, often think about past contacts, wondering what they're doing. Suppose even guys in their forties can have crushes on older women; hadn't thought of it like that!

I have had one similar situation with someone I ostensibly worked with in 2002. She lived in Sydney and I, in the States. After we had a few days working together in which there was quite obviously chemistry and some kind of mutual energy there, I just sat down in my hotel room in London and wrote her. Told her I thought she was interesting and lovely and laid it all out on the table. Certainly was not in love with her yet, but interested. Long story, we dated for about a year. It did not work out long-term because we both had small children and the international custody issues were just too much to overcome (both of us had raging jerks for exes).

I am not telling you this to make you feel worse. I am telling you to try to illustrate that these things can be quite complicated and more often than not, do not work out. The anguish I experienced as a result of my whole Sara thing nearly killed me. I think about her multiple times every single day to this day. She was the one for me. But I would have been much better off never sending that email...