Toxic Mother and Sister help

I'm curious and struggling to deal with the dymanics with my family. My younger sister and my mother.
My sister and mother are very smiliar individuals.
For an example everyday after work they complain about people at work. My sister would go on for whole evening about how bad customers are. My mother would go on how bad this one staff member is. Then next day or couple days she is all good with th at staff member and then next day she is all bad about the one staff member. She was like this with her pervious manager. He was terrible, selfish man and then next day they are getting a long.
This would go out the WHOLE evening.
Or my sister would go on about ex boyfriend complains about him, even though they still see each other. The relationship is abusive, and toxic. Tjry have broken up 5 times in 4 years.
My mother her moods especially news years ago and as a child. She would get massively angry! I recalled her throwing a compture chair from upstairs as a child. Or threw a chair on a floor once. Too crying uncontrolable because she was upset with her boyfriend at the time. If you try or approach to help. She would snap back at you.
I do recalled how as a child she was crying on the living room in the evening and my younger sister below the age of 10 was comforting her. I wanted to approach to help out but my mum yelled at me to go away . I recalled standing in the hall way feeling rejected, lonely, and ashamed.

Because I suffer from anxiety as a child and then ocd. I was left alone to cope. Even though my mum had therapy with me and alone how to cope with my ocd.
Its like she never take through advice or couldn't be bothered. Especially after I read my medical notes recently. I was never comfort as a child when I cried. I was left alone to cry. If I was anxious I was left alone to be anxious.

As I got older she would try and throw cups at water at me if I ran out the house if we had a agurement.

She use to call me names like ******, selfish, pig. It be over silly stuff. For example putting my washing clothes in the dryer than the rack.
I told her to stop calling me names. She say I'm diffcult. I said to her grandma would never say those words. Well...she stopped after that thank goodness.

She would talk behind your back. To my sister or to my dad even to her brother. One time she told me "you think I'm a bad mother, well do you want to hear what my brother said, listen to this, he said you should have his wife as a mother" I felt so hurt, misunderstood. She was bad mouthing me to other family members when Im in therapy at the time I was self harming and dealing with sucidie thoughts.

Whenever you talk to her say about a problem you are dealing with she would some how turn it around make it about herself.
Even my dad who not with my mum anymore randmonly said that to me recently. I thought thank goodness I'm not the only one seeing this.

You can't have a different view from my mum. If you do you are wrong.

My sister is pulled into this. She seems to believe what my mum says. One time my sister told me that I should believe her and mum over my therapist..which I thought was a load of rubbish.
My sister tells my mum her ex boyfriend or boyfriend relationship to her. As if they are best friends. Which to me doesn't look heathly.
Yet my mum would talk bad about her boyfriend well now ex boyfriend to the rest of the family.
My sister has no boundaries from my mum. She gets away with being emotional, verb abusive .

For example this happened a week ago.
That evening when I said to my sister and mum "Postvite vibes, let's not discussed that" cause they keep talking about negative stuff. They were discussing how bad my sister's ex boyfriend's mother is. And then I was told by my mum "You sayingbwe can't discussed this" Then I was told by my sister "oh so now we can't speak"? I asked can I speak. Then I was told no, you don't listen us. I was then told by sister that she cant say things around me I responded "how would I know if I'm not told how you feel" and then I told my mum "I'm doing what partner does when I talk negative to myself, postivie vibes" and then my mum told me "we trying to figure out how to help her ex boyfriend but I'm thinking it's only therapy can help" and I agreed with what she said. It felt the atmosphere calm down. Then suddenly out of no where my sister SNAPPED! said "So I'm not allowed to call her a ****** in my own house hold, in my own house. Next time you say some thing we say postivie vibes and dont discussed your problems."
From this experience I felt attacked, threaten, afarid, scared, anxious. I felt helpless and misunderstood . I didnt felt heard at all. I had sucidie thoughts in my mind when this was happening.
So I said "I'm going" I went to my bedroom and cried try to fight off the suicide thoughts I had. I had thoughts if I died my mum and sister would not care. It wouldnt matter to them. They probably be happier without me. I'm just annoying and diffcult so they be happier if I was gone. These are the thoughts circle in my head when heighten emotional situations or fights happen. I get disturbing visual thoughts too of hurting myself. They come in unwelcome. Its very scary.

It got to the point I had to ring my partner for help.

I have been going to therapy for 4 years. 2 years was with a therapist that made me worse so I changed. I have done dailet behavior therapy, but I still struggle. I stop self harming over s year new ehich is really good.
I even try to use debt skills I learnt to commucatie to my mum and sister how I feel. But they competently ignore my messages. Every time. Its reslky werod because if I apply the same skills to my partner or a non-family member say a friend they respond really well and understand. But with my mum and sister they are like brick! Thick, brick that none thjbg would break down. Also My current therapist thinks I'm ready to finish therapy this March. Which personally I highly disagree.

I don't know what to do. I don't know if my mum and sister are both narassim or BPD.

Help please

I am really sorry that your going through all this with your family. It can be very frustrating to have a mom and sister who handle the world the way they do. Can I ask how old you are? I was also wondering what your moms significant other (dad/they/mom) does about ur moms and sisters behavior?

I'm 29, but stuck at home due to me mental health. I was unable to work. But I'm ready to work now. Just social anxiety and figuring out what to do.
Feel a bit ashamed 29 still stuck at home.

Well my mum doesn't have a partner she been single for years.
My dad who comes over doesn't do anything. At all.
He is a very unaviable dad.

I think you should avoid them as much as possible even though you live with them. When they get going come up with a script of non-commital phrases: "Uh huh. Oh really? That's a shame, of course" stuff like that so you appear like youre listening but you are actually tuning them out. Then try reallly hard to get a job and flat of your own.

I'm sorry that you have to go through this. No one should ever go through this. Is there any way that you could move away?.

Its ok to still be living at home. Everyone goes through life differently. My parents did, they had my sister and I in there 50's. Sometimes coming up with small goals help you manage living at home. If you have one big goal, like getting your own place? what you could do is come up with smaller goals to achieve it? It can even be as simple as putting your change in a bottle and once its full, take it to the bank and use it to help you buy a place. Another thing you can do is, every time you choose to not eat out, you put that money away in the bank, or reward yourself with a smaller snack from the sore that is only 1 to 5 dollars. You can use anything as a reward. If you like to sit and watch tv, well, every time you dont go out to eat and make your own food, then reward yourself with an extra show? I feel like doing this will keep you motivated to save money and go to work. I feel like it will have a ripple effect as in it might even help with your anxiety? Just remember to eat healthy food and no artificial things in it cause that can cause your anxiety to go up. If you do not like healthy food, like myself, I would defiantly try the reward system. 1 apple then an extra show. I would suggest not using a sweet as a reward system, but if you do, maybe saying, if I eat 1 banana everyday for a week, then I will go out and eat some ice cream.