Abusive relationships

Miss P · Jan 08, 2020 at 06:14 AM

I'm hooked....very long story cut short, I have known and been with a guy over 20 years. I know he's no good for me. We fight, split, come back together, and repeat for all eternity. My friends and family all say, keep/get the hell away.

I'm a fool, I love him. I say I'll leave, but I never do, I never go, or end it. Anyone relate? Yup, I know, it's a ludicrous, crazy situation. I can't live with or without.

....Am I the only one?

TunedOut · Jan 08, 2020 at 06:55 AM

When we feel like this, we might be attracting what we are or the mirror (opposite) of what we are. When you fight or think you want to leave, my advice is to withdraw from him/don't react and instead of focussing on the relationship--focus on loving yourself, finding a project or work that is fulfilling, do things for yourself--fitness, nutrition, meditation, reading, etc. It is an illusion to think that others can make us happy. Focus on yourself and not him because none of us are perfect. Find happiness within and then what you need to do regarding this relationship will become less confusing.

Have Hope · Jan 08, 2020 at 07:06 AM

Well, if you love him and it's abusive, you must be getting something out of it when he's not abusive, I would imagine. And enough to keep you there.

IceCreamKid · Jan 08, 2020 at 08:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miss P

I'm hooked....very long story cut short, I have known and been with a guy over 20 years. I know he's no good for me. We fight, split, come back together, and repeat for all eternity. My friends and family all say, keep/get the hell away.

I'm a fool, I love him. I say I'll leave, but I never do, I never go, or end it. Anyone relate? Yup, I know, it's a ludicrous, crazy situation. I can't live with or without.

....Am I the only one?

Are you the only one who has tied him or herself to an abusive person? Certainly not. However, what is it you actually love about this person? Can you name whatever those qualities/characteristics are? Charming handsome a good dancer an excellent provider good in bed etc etc etc. Because chances are that all of those characteristics and qualities are to be found in someone else who also will not fight with you. The other thing to consider is that you get something out of fighting that other people would not. Maybe that is how you learned to resolve conflict, maybe that is how you learned to express aggression? I was married to an abusive person who -- after we were divorced blithely admitted to me that (this is what he held in his heart) 'it was okay to be abusive to family--because you couldn't be abusive to people outside the family.'

You're not alone in your battling couples situation--but people in the peaceful fulfilling relationships are not alone either. Which group would you rather join?

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Abusive relationships

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Have Hope Wise Elder Member Since Dec 2017 Location: Eastern, USA Posts: 9,261 (SuperPoster!) 6 3,690 hugs given	Jan 08, 2020 at 07:06 AM #3 Well, if you love him and it's abusive, you must be getting something out of it when he's not abusive, I would imagine. And enough to keep you there. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes
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