[katnap]

my ex broke up with me nov2018. saying that he nor I are in the right place to be in a relationship. I was finishing school and working on my mental health and alcohol abuse.

I got triggered into a depression sunday bc I saw that his new girl and he started dating 2 months after me. I asked if he knew her while we were dating and he said no. it just happened.

I asked. he loves her.

Im still in love with him. or am I making it up? I see myself married with him etc

I told him I love him still. . he said " I love you too...know that im not saying no or not you or never or any of that. im just trying to give the same respect to my relationship as I want from all my relationships"

such a diplomatic answer. he is such a good guy. and that hope is killing me.

first time we spoke in months.

I couldn't even think of another man. I rushed into a relationship 6 months after we broke up. and now live with my bf. my loving bf. and I feel guilty. guess we are both with our rebounds?

I have a gut feeling hes gonna marry her. his friends just got engaged. his other friends are having a baby. hes about to buy a house. he just got a puppy. everything is going for him. but i want it to be with me. (im 30 and 33)

My bf sees my depression. hes bipolar so he understands. but I cant talk to him about it/why. he made me go to group therapy and I see my pcp on Monday. my therapist in feb.

I bought liquor and my bf made me feel so bad about it. I just wanted to drink and sleep. I still drink but binging is behind me. maybe a couple drinks on the weekend now.

I feel heart broken all over again. thoughts of suicide those first couple days after finding out. went away then came back.

i feel crazy. i feel lost. overwhelmed.

I have my **** together, why not me? I finished school. have one job not three anymore. getting a puppy. starting to be physically healthier.

im not good enough. i was trying so hard while we where together. and he acknowledged that. but it wasn't good enough. im not good enough.

all the while sleeping in a bed with someone else while these thoughts race.

[Skeezyks]

Thanks for sharing your struggle. Here are links to 2 articles, from PC's archives, on the subject of healing from abandonment plus 1 on recovering from rejection & break-ups:

Healing the Abandonment Wound

Experienced Heartbreak? The 5 Stages of Abandonment

Recovery from Rejection and Breakups

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

How are you doing, Katnap?

[downandlonely]

I'm sorry Katnap. What you're going through sounds painful. For what it's worth, I don't think a breakup can be entirely one person's fault. You were probably both going through stuff. It will get better with time (although I know it sucks now and it's hard to be patient).

[bpcyclist]

So sorry you are hurting. These things are so very difficult. I had a breakup almost twenty years ago with a girl I should not have been with and yet, I loved her like crazy. I think about her every day, but it does not hurt anymore. What I can tell you is, it does get better, but it will take a lot longer if you continue hoping for a reconciliation that looks very unlikely right now, just looking honestly at the situation. You need to look to your own future. Sending you hugs and support.

katnap, hi. He's not worth it. And he's just not that into you. He says he loves you still but is w someone else. That's pretty ****** of him in my opinion.

I think you need to find a way to move on from him. Is dwelling on him making you happy? Or deeply sad? Also you weren't enough for him then, even though you tried so hard. I think he's playing with your emotions. Even if inadvertently. He's saying "well maybe, you never know," but is with someone else.

Have you ever read the book He's Just Not That Into You? Consider it. Also consider reading the blog Baggage Reclaim. Baggage Reclaim Home - Baggage Reclaim with Natalie Lue

I'm so sorry you are struggling with unrequited love. Its a horrible feeling to love someone and want someone who doesn't return. And by his words, it sounds like he's just stringing you along to be an option in case things don't work with her.

What if you got over him? What if you were happy without him? What would that look like?

Hugs

Also, I completely agree with downandlonely! A breakup is not entirely one person's fault. Don't blame yourself. You were both struggling. It was his issues to break up, but that's not your fault, though that may be hard to wrap your head around. He was the one who wanted to break up. Not you. His issues.

[MickeyCheeky]

It takes time to get through this kind of thing, but I am sure You'll feel better at some point! Please be kind to yourself. There isn't anything wrong with You. After all, he did tell You he was going through some stuff as well. Unfortunately some relationships don't work out for whatever reason. It is important to accept this and to try Your Best to move on. I am happy Your current Boyfriend Loves You. Focus on Him and on a possible Life with Him - if You truly Love Him as well, of course! I'd also suggest Individual Therapy since it does seem like You May need it. Let Us know how it goes. You are the best. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH You, @katnap, your Family, your Friends, your BoyFriends, your Ex-BoyFriend, your Pdoc, your Therapist, your Doctors, your Nurses and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!