Oh my god I am so mad

So in a previous post I talked about my mom living off my disability money and when I talked to the lady at my other counseling place on Jan. 3rd, I asked her to have the money put into my name. But just today when I went to see the nurse, I saw my doctor who was supposed to fill out a form and she told me that she didn’t think I was competent to handle my OWN *******ED MONEY, so now I’m gonna have to schedule yet another ****ING appointment tomorrow with the lady who’s supposed to help me out with my disability and I’m gonna have to fill out YET ANOTHER form saying that I want it in the hands of an organization instead of my own. The only good news is that my mom doesn’t keep it. The bad news is how am I gonna get it? If I’m not receiving the check, how am I going to receive it every month? Through the mail? Do I have to go up to the place that’s holding my money’s office every month and get on my hands and knees and beg them for it? What am I supposed to do? My doctor doesn’t even think I’m competent in handling money. Jesus ****ing Christ I’m so pissed off. I’ve had to suffer long enough. Jesus Christ. I am SCREAMING right now until my throat is getting sore. I swear to god I’m going to kill myself. I don’t want to live here for one more day. I don’t even know how long this process is going to take. I am so ****ing miserable right now and I have been miserable every day for the last 10 months over this.