[Imtry]

I need some advice. I have 3 younger sisters. Our mom passed away 27 years ago and our dad left. All 4 of us have not been able to get along during the last 27 years. It’s usually 3 against 1 and I am usually the 1 who is kicked out of the family. My oldest daughter is 20 and I normally have a good relationship but our relationship has been strained the last couple months but getting better. Because of pictures she has posted on Facebook without family members, my sisters have noticed that our relationship has been strained so they sent her a message to invite her to a party. I know the reason they have done this is to recruit her into their let’s bash on your mom time. They claim it is because they are reaching out because they love her but they haven’t had anything to do with her for the last 5 years and said they noticed she wasn’t posting pics of her family. I’m scared they are going to try to take her away from me the same way they have done with other friends and family of mine. Help

[Yaowen]

Hi Imtry,

Family things can be so trying and stressful. I'm so sorry you are in the situation you describe. Wish I had some good advice, but unfortunately I don't. I sure hope that things somehow turn around for you so that you will be respected and appreciated by everyone!

[sarahsweets]

Have you asked your daughter if there is something wrong?

[Be Still]

Hi Imtry! This is really sad especially because your parents aren’t present to intervene. Family dysfunctional dynamics are complicated because I’m sure all of you sisters feel entitled to your opinions of each other, and everyone wants to be justified in their interpretation of where the conflicts may have started. So it’s messy!

For the longest time I was the peace bearer in the family trying to please all sides and make everyone happy and I ended up feeling the weight of the dysfunction. So I learnt to detach myself from the politics and work on ME! Because I had been neglecting myself for so long trying to please my family and avoid conflict. The more I focused on my own development and goals in life, the more I saw my family dysfunction with different eyes. Truth is all of you have a role that you play in this puzzle. You cannot change your sisters’ hearts or minds. You can only free yourself from the burden of drama and conflict.

As for your daughter, let her be. Allow her to form the bonds and relationships she feels entitled to. When we were younger my mother stopped speaking to my dads side of the family for nearly 10 years. Only in my 20s did myself and my cousins and Aunts reunite. I felt cheated and so bitter because their conflict and drama had absolutely nothing to do with me. Please don’t let your daughter have to pick sides because later she will resent you for controlling her ability to have a community and support from her family. She is not a pawn in the game or drama between you and your sisters. Please allow her to experience the gift of having aunts and cousins and that family bond that is so precious in this crazy world.

I pray you heal because you sound like a beautiful soul! And I hope all of you sisters can come to a place of forgiveness. Blessings