[BlissfulDays]

I’m at a point in my life where being focused and staying on track to attaining my goals is the main priority. However, it’s hard to do that when the person I talk to the most, my Mom, often complains of money and work problems weekly. I don’t think it is healthy for me to talk to her as much while I try to focus and make progress in my life and look at life on the bright side of things. I’m her only child and although she talks to many other relatives daily, our relationship is a close one.

She’s a great Mom and I love her but I can no longer hear her woe is me stories that I’ve heard my entire life. Her story is always the same even though she’s a lovely person. Her stories of always being the odd one out, men not finding her attractive, never being anyone’s favorite, how she’s never been married, how she’s never made a lot of money is too much for me at this time.

We live on different coasts but cell phones makes it easy to stay connected to the people you love the most. I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but if I have to in an effort to get to where I need to be, I will, lovingly (if possible.) She is not abusing me and she is not mean. I love joking and sharing with my Mom and even supporting and encouraging her when necessary, but even so, I think there should be less communication between us at this time for me to hear more of my own thoughts about life more than hers.

What is the best way to distance myself from her in spite of our closeness without hurting her feelings (if possible?)

Thank you.

[kitkat620]

hi. i understand where you are coming completely as far as your mom often complaining about all the negative things in her life, instead of focusing on the positive. which, i am sure, are many. (raising you to be the person you are, is one that comes to mind).

my advise would be, if you could, gently interrupt her woe is me stories by bringing to mind all the good that she has accomplished in her lifetime. let her know that what she is projecting is exactly what she is receiving: being the odd one out, not finding the right man, never being married, etc. who wants to be with a debbie downer? who wants to be around someone who is always negative and obviously not enjoying life?

gently explain to her that her negativity is affecting you in a bad way, and that you feel less communication with her is crucial to your happiness at this time.

suggest she read the book "the secret". it will help her to understand that her life is exactly where she put it. that she has no one to blame for her misery other than herself., and if she WANTS to be happier, she must BE happy.

sometimes we have to be selfish in order to obtain a peace of mind. taking temporary breaks or separations from loved ones is sometimes necessary to reach a calm inside us that we need to live the life we deserve. and there is nothing at all wrong with taking this step.

[Skeezyks]

Welcome to Psych Central, BlissfulDays. Assuming you're a daughter (rather than a son) there's a blog here on PC that may be of interest to you. From what you wrote it sounds as though your relationship with your mother is basically good. So perhaps the articles in this blog won't apply directly. But perhaps there may still be some useful insights within them. Here's a link:

Knotted: The Mother-Daughter Relationship

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

[Bill3]

Have you talked with her about how she affects you?