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Moonchild21
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Frown Jan 31, 2020 at 01:33 AM
  #1
Me and my boyfriend have been together for about 2 years. Our honeymoon phase lasted a bit longerr than most.. I have a tendency to be overly clingy.. Theyíre 7 days in a week and weíve been around each other the entire 7 days (outside of work) eventually that stopped because to many arguments and petty fights began so we decided lets just physically see each other 3 days and the other we can just talk on the phone..

BUT even with us agreeing to that he still would come and see me (sometimes to get me from work) so we ended up in a disagreement & he says he doesn't want to talk to me everyday all day he wants time to miss me... but that hurt my feelings because I feel like Iím dating to marry & Iíve told him that he didn't have to come all the time and he still would ...

fast forward to this past week his phone blacked out.. so he went to my work place to let me know but I wasn't there, he comes to my home to let me know .. then the next day he calls me from his house phone to ask wether I had to be to work , the day after he comes to my home before I had to be to work ... but today I havenít heard from him at all . its ways he still could have contacted me but he didnít which makes me feel like he doesnít care to talk to me ... YESS a day without talking isnít much but it only takes 10 seconds to say ďim just checking inĒ

Heíll always come with the same excuse the day after ďI was tired from workĒ or ďI fell asleepĒ but I donít know wether he is tired of me or just plainly manipulating me... its REALLY starting to become a consistency thing .. couple days heís doing good then the next day heíll make me feel bad for even wanting his attention..

I donít know how to deal

Last edited by Moonchild21; Jan 31, 2020 at 02:46 AM..
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Default Jan 31, 2020 at 03:12 AM
  #2
How long have you been dating this person?

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Default Jan 31, 2020 at 03:51 AM
  #3
I think you two need to sit down and have a conversation about your future and where you both see yourselves in a years time. Living together or seeing each other every few days. It sounds like youíll have a lot of work to do in this relationship before y guys move in together though because the argument will only escalate if you donít deal with the root cause now.
Lastly, you need to initiate contact and communication as much as he does. Itís not entirely up to him to contact you and nor is it entirely up to you either.
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Default Jan 31, 2020 at 07:07 AM
  #4
Question: when he backs off from you, do you bury him in texts? Or do you give him his space? If you're clingy, as you admit, I would imagine that you probably continue to text him when he's backing off from you.

Relationships need space to breathe. He doesn't need to always be in control of when you're in touch with each other, but you do need to allow space and room in between texts and in between seeing one another.

He says he needs to be able to miss you, which indicates to me that you may be smothering him. MAYBE. I am just making an assumption based on what he said. Him backing off and not texting you may be his way to regain his space and to miss you. He may be sensing and picking up on your clinginess - they usually do.

Relationships are a balancing act of being in touch, seeing one another, but also allowing for independence from one another and breathing room.

Also, you said you're dating to marry. Do you know that he's the one? Have you talked about it? Does he wish to marry you?

Do you have your own hobbies and friends? When he backs off and needs space, can you give him that space and do something else with your time?

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Moonchild21
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Default Jan 31, 2020 at 11:07 AM
  #5
Yeah sometimes I bury him in texts but not all the time.. & I agree you have some amazing points. The friends I associate with live to far away or they have kids so I canít really rely on them.. Idk I just feel we donít have to talk all day everyday but he still could check in to say Hey.. I do.
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Default Jan 31, 2020 at 01:05 PM
  #6
In my experience relationships first start with not seeing each other as often and then progress to seeing each other more and eventually wanting more like living together or marrying. If relationship starts hot and heavy but then needs to cool off and contact needs to be limited then itís not a natural progression. Also if the reason that they canít see each often is fighting and bickering then itís not healthy.

You said you want to marry. If you canít see each other often because you fight then how could you be married? Youíd have to see each other daily.

Doesnít sound like this relationship has future
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Moonchild21
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Default Jan 31, 2020 at 01:19 PM
  #7
@divine1966 I dont understand your statement. Is it suppose to be ď hot and heavyĒ all the time?... Iím saying The problem is that we are around each other all the time & when we do get space from each other He doesnt check in ......
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Default Jan 31, 2020 at 02:00 PM
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You need to discuss what both of you want out of the relationship. If you are on a marrying campaign, you need to make sure you are not wasting your time.
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Default Jan 31, 2020 at 08:28 PM
  #9
Quote:
Originally Posted by Moonchild21 View Post
@divine1966 I dont understand your statement. Is it suppose to be ď hot and heavyĒ all the time?... Iím saying The problem is that we are around each other all the time & when we do get space from each other He doesnt check in ......
By hot and heavy I meant it started fast and you are seeing each other daily, which is quite intense. You however didnít get along and decided to cool off my seeing each other less. Typically healthy relationships start slow by seeing each other infrequently and then it progresses faster and get intense with time. Your seems to be going backwards as you now limit interactions .

I think he probably needs his space from fighting and bickering and thatís why he isnít checking in. Maybe his understanding of space is different from yours. You arenít on the same page about things. And constant fighting and arguments are concerning.

I am not sure why you are not worried about you two fighting and arguing but are worried about him not calling daily. I am not sure I am understanding this dynamics. If you fight and argue now, itís likely not going to stop all of a sudden when you get married.
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