[Have Hope]

A close friend has said that to me a few times, and honestly it just makes me feel really bad about the state of my life.

I know she doesn't mean to be hurtful in a deliberate or conscious manner, but I find that statement to be very hurtful.

I know I can be sensitive with my feelings, but it's like saying to someone, "wow, your life is SO bad, I wouldn't want to be in your shoes!" It comes across as really insensitive, cold, and lacking empathy.

This friend has been known to lack empathy and sensitivity at times, so it's not entirely surprising, but it still hurts me whenever she says this to me. I want to turn around and snap back at her, "well your life isn't perfect either!!!!" lol.

[downandlonely]

Have you talked to her about this? I bet she has no idea that she's hurting your feelings when she says that. Honestly, I have been in your friend's shoes where I said something the other person found hurtful. But instead of telling me and addressing it, this person bottled up her emotions and got increasingly angry at me for continuing to hurt her feelings. Your friend will not change her behavior if you don't tell she is hurting you.

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by downandlonely

Have you talked to her about this? I bet she has no idea that she's hurting your feelings when she says that. Honestly, I have been in your friend's shoes where I said something the other person found hurtful. But instead of telling me and addressing it, this person bottled up her emotions and got increasingly angry at me for continuing to hurt her feelings. Your friend will not change her behavior if you don't tell she is hurting you.

Thank you, and you make a very good point. She has hurt me several times in the past unknowingly, and I've addressed it each time so far. But this one I've let slide to date. I probably should say something, to be fair.

[divine1966]

If she is a close friend, I’d ask her what she means.

I don’t know the context but is it about a specific thing: “i don’t envy you having this annoying neighbor” or “I don’t envy you having to travel for work during pandemics”or is it about your life in general? First is somewhat understandable and second is a weird statement.

It’s possibly boiling down to maybe being more selective. We all know all kind of people. But they don’t need to be friends. You often post about very questionable people who don’t treat you well yet you refer to them as friends. Who needs friends like that?

If you share something about bad situation, friend would express concern and offer help if you need it or asked if you need help with the situation, not that she doesn’t envy you.

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by divine1966

If she is a close friend, I’d ask her what she means.

I don’t know the context but is it about a specific thing: “i don’t envy you having this annoying neighbor” or “I don’t envy you having to travel for work during pandemics”or is it about your life in general? First is somewhat understandable and second is a weird statement.

It’s possibly boiling down to maybe being more selective. We all know all kind of people. But they don’t need to be friends. You often post about very questionable people who don’t treat you well yet you refer to them as friends. Who needs friends like that?

If you share something about bad situation, friend would express concern and offer help if you need it or asked if you need help with the situation, not that she doesn’t envy you.

I see your point, but she’s not always this way. Often she offers her sympathy and advice when I present her with a difficulty. I do consider her a good friend. We’ve been friends for four years now. That I consider a true friendship. We’ve also had a fight once and forgave each other and remained friends. I wouldn’t just cut off a longer term friendship due to a few instances of insensitivity, and like I said, she’s largely unaware of it.

It could have been said within specific contexts instead of a general statement. In fact I think it was, which does shed a different light on it.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Have Hope

I see your point, but she’s not always this way. Often she offers her sympathy and advice when I present her with a difficulty. I do consider her a good friend. We’ve been friends for four years now. That I consider a true friendship. We’ve also had a fight once and forgave each other and remained friends. I wouldn’t just cut off a longer term friendship due to a few instances of insensitivity, and like I said, she’s largely unaware of it.

It could have been said within specific contexts instead of a general statement.l In fact I think it was, which does shed a different light on it.

It’s possible she didn’t mean it or could be she didn’t know what else to say. Like maybe she wasn’t able to say what she really thought about the situation (like maybe she thought saying anything else would upset you and she said that not knowing what to say). If she is a good friend, she maybe didn’t mean harm.

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by divine1966

It’s possible she didn’t mean it or could be she didn’t know what else to say. Like maybe she wasn’t able to say what she really thought about the situation (like maybe she thought saying anything else would upset you and she said that not knowing what to say). If she is a good friend, she maybe didn’t mean harm.

Yeah, you're right in saying she didn't mean any harm. I know she doesn't in general. I've presented hurt feelings before to her and she's always apologized saying she was totally unaware. She may not have known what to say. That's very possible. I know she doesn't intend to hurt - in fact, she's quite the opposite. She's very sensitive herself and can feel hurt by others' statements. So I know she's sensitive overall to people's feelings. She just blurts out things sometimes and doesn't realize how it may come across. Ha, I guess anyone can be guilty of that, including myself!

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Have Hope

A close friend has said that to me a few times, and honestly it just makes me feel really bad about the state of my life.

I know she doesn't mean to be hurtful in a deliberate or conscious manner, but I find that statement to be very hurtful.

I know I can be sensitive with my feelings, but it's like saying to someone, "wow, your life is SO bad, I wouldn't want to be in your shoes!" It comes across as really insensitive, cold, and lacking empathy.

This friend has been known to lack empathy and sensitivity at times, so it's not entirely surprising, but it still hurts me whenever she says this to me. I want to turn around and snap back at her, "well your life isn't perfect either!!!!" lol.

I'm sorry that you had to experience that.