[Fuzzybear]

I wish I knew how to ''fix'' this. how do I stop being so crap at all relationships

[Fuzzybear]

occasionally i wonder...
''should'' i delete myself from all socal media,
maybe even from any support forum (even pc)
I am not seriously considering deleting myself from ALL online contact or support..
but occasionally i wonder
maybe i am ''just a toxic person''

But that is my inner ''critic'' saying that

''I'' know that

I AM A GOOD GIRL



Respect to all

[SorryShaped]

I'm pretty bad at relationships too, but that's largely because of what I was shown or thrown into. I couldn't possibly have known better. I'm trying to learn what's good now, like a child, but nearly middle-aged. It takes good examples or someone that's good to guide you and time.

[Bill3]

You are a good bear and relate well to all here.

[Open Eyes]

(((Fuzzybear))),

I know you like to help others, be a supportive person, provide caring. Lots of people have challenges and interact online in different groups. Yet, not all these people are going to appreciate your help. Sometimes a person isn't ready to hear certain things, doesn't want to face certain realities. Some people may not be ready yet, and may never be ready. That is certainly NOT your fault or means you are not good enough.

I think when some kind of online relationship doesn't work out for whatever reason, you get triggered and experience all the hurts you experienced from your parental units.

Well, I do a lot of reading and thinking and learning about what "trauma/abuse" really means. They certainly are studying it, trying to see what happens in the brain when a person gets triggered. You say "my inner critic", but often that inner critic isn't really ourselves, instead it tends to be the emotional impact a toxic and critical person had on us. Well, that part of us is not really in our "thinking" executive part of our brain. Instead that is triggered in a very different part of our brain. When stuck in an environment with "toxic/abusive" individual/s, the brain begins to form lasting "impressions" from that.

Well, the brain is designed to navigate Fuzzy. The brain is designed to learn to navigate in such a way where it stores "automatics" so that our thinking and frontal area doesn't have to work so hard. This is why a person tends to gravitate to people that can be toxic UNKNOWINGLY, because "it's familiar" and the human brain actually likes the familiar because there is a lot automatic in familiar. What that means Fuzzy, is that some people may already be programed in a way that is not as receptive and appreciative as you may want to experience a more positive connection with. That's not YOUR fault if another person is not able to "go the distance". Also, you may not be able to have "all" the answers for that person either, they may need something more that you simply cannot provide, that's not your fault either. Yet, some people for whatever reason get stuck in with individuals that like to blame others for their inability to navigate. It doesn't mean "their" anger and lack of satisfaction for whatever reason is your fault, yet, after a while any person can begin to feel it's their fault. Yet, that is not based on truth which is what you struggle with from these so called parental units. That's a hard thing to navigate away from, and as a person FINALLY gets some distance, that's when they "slowly" begin to see it. Yet, it's still hard because the brain tends to seek the familiar. Part of how the brain is designed. It takes time to allow yourself to form a stronger path away from it.

You have been learning and improving all the time. And along the way, you will experience individuals that are going to trigger those familiar feelings. That doesn't mean you are a failure though.