The ELEPHANT in the relationship

People who develop an addiction to alcohol/drugs tend to have a problem regulating their emotions. They can get to the point where they are self medicating all day. However others bing and tend to self medicate when they socialize. Unfortunately, should others in their social scene somehow challenge them emotionally they consume more alcohol and blame how drunk they get on other people. The reality is, it’s not other people but instead due to their own inability to regulate their own emotions.

People who develop alcohol/drug abuse problems will often embrace denial that they have a problem because they don’t want to give up their go to fix when they can’t regulate their own emotions.

Having a relationship with someone that is challenged this way is ALWAYS unhealthy because you will suffer through their rages and be blamed whenever they can’t regulate their emotions. Also they will tell you that YOU are the one with the problem when you try to point out their behaviors and your concern about their drinking.

It is not just the alcohol but how the person never learned how to regulate their emotions. So if there is no therapy for that when not using the alcohol/drugs the person often becomes a dry drunk and will often take out their emotional upset on you or others.

This is always hard on spouses and children who often end up thinking the problem is their fault or that they are not good enough.

If your spouse or friend has a problem it’s not your fault.
If you use alcohol to regulate your emotions then STOP blaming others and face the fact that you DO HAVE A PROBLEM.

My husband contributed his time to set up the Alcothon for Thanks giving where they served a Thanksgiving meal and had all kinds of speakers. Almost 2,000 people showed up from all over and all walks of life. Don’t just assume you are too good for AA or that only losers go to those meetings. As in anything there are jerks, however, there are also good people who offer support to others to learn how to live sober and learn how to better manage the challenges with regulating emotions.