The ELEPHANT in the relationship

I would like to talk about something that affects a lot of relationships that tends to be ignored and denied a lot. This is a problem that has affected my life my entire life in not only my family but in friends and other relationships.

The ELEPHANT I am talking about is when the individual that is your parent, spouse, SO or friend or sadly even your own child has a problem with ALCOHOL.

I am going to ask the Mods to PLEASE not move this thread. While it could go into an alcoholic forum, quite honestly, it's not always a place individuals that have a problem may consider looking at. Also, if someone is reading this and has a problem, often they choose to avoid it if it's put elsewhere.

A lot of times the real problem with your parent, friend, spouse, family member, and even your own child happens to be how they are self medicating and avoiding their problems and insecurities by using alcohol.

A lot of the toxic behavior patterns different individuals talk about here in this forum, even in discussing "abusive relationships" can actually come from the individual that has a problem with alcohol. Everyone else is THE problem except THEM. Often, they need to be the preacher, that loudest voice and deem themselves in how they should be on some higher level. They can often be self righteous and talk about not allowing this or that kind of behavior too. If others don't see things their way then it must be that other person is wrong too.

God forbid you tell them to back off or let someone else share too, they tend to get upset and act offended (they work on this alot in AA meetings). While they see a little about you, they tend to need to take over and be the one that stands out more. They can often be very likeable and charming "the good guy, or gal". They can at times be fun loving as well and seem friendly. And they can even have some talents and seem attentive at times as well. They can even seem quite functional and it can be surprising how many walks of life they are in too.

However, they can present some challenges that are very unhealthy to the person that lives with them or is their friend. Without realizing it, you suddenly become slowly conditioned to live YOUR life around THEIR problem and it's just that something that keeps bothering you, often it tends to present in your feeling fine and then feeling depressed. Often they are there for you, then not there for you. You go out to have a nice evening and you both drink but THEY drink more. Sometimes the evening ends up on a bad note and they simply say they had one too many and BLAME it on that. They promise to cut back, but that REALLY doesn't fix the PROBLEM, and they know they can binge still too. "I have been so good, give me a break it was an especially bad day etc., etc. OR, oh, cut me some slack I got that huge account, I deserve to splurge and celebrate.

This ELEPHANT definitely affects the relationship. The truth is, if you have to talk about the alcohol AT ALL, there IS a problem. Underneath it all there is often a nice person, however that person is not really happy with themselves, they are not truely happy with their identity. They may be the "good guy" but that isn't how they REALLY feel or actually are.

I have in my lifetime seen a lot of hurt that comes with this problem. I have been HURT in more ways than I can count. This problem actually affects A LOT of relationships. I have seen it in a lot of relationships during my life. In neighbors, friends, my own family and many relationships.

I remember when a friend of mine sat down with me as she was divorcing her husband who REALLY had a bad problem (he died real young from it too). She said to me, "if you have discussions about it there is a problem". Then she took me to an alanon meeting. I was actually traumatized by what I saw and heard. Everyone told me to leave and RUN. You know THAT'S NOT EASY when you love someone that has a problem. I also confided in a woman I thought I could trust and that turned out to me suddenly being shunned. I was a brownie leader at the time and the next thing I knew the mothers pulled away from me and my daughter lost all her friends and got totally confused. The stigma can be very hard, at least back when I was trying to understand it it was pretty brutal.

I had a friend that had a problem with it too. I tried to help her, even took her to meetings and she just could not stop and so my friend died and she was still SO YOUNG yet. This friend constantly blamed everyone else for her problems and said it was why it was too hard to stop. It was very upsetting to see how bad she got too.

If anyone reading this has a problem, PLEASE think about it and get help, your problem is hurting others and it WILL HURT YOU. And don't just stop by yourself either. I have also dealt with that in my life and what I had to deal with is a DRY DRUNK. And they can actually be mean and controlling and angry a lot. Honestly, it's like they put down the drink and pick up a hatchet instead.

Lots of people out there DO have a problem. It's a lot more common than one would think. Some individuals who have the problem can say some pretty mean things, they can point fingers at others like hipocrites. If you see this in yourself ask yourself this "would you want someone to love you and support you if you decided to bite the bullet yourself and GET SOBER"? I can say this, "It is quite the challenge to love someone who FINALLY decides to get sober because they have a LOT to learn about themselves". And sometimes they don't like looking at themselves either.

For a LONG TIME I have wanted to talk about this ELEPHANT. Yet, while it did HURT me in many ways in my life. When someone you love more than anything in the world looks up at you with tears in their eyes and is trying to stop and says "this is hard, THIS IS SO HARD". The last thing you want do is say anything that will hurt this person you love so deeply. I wanted to respect those who develop a problem and bite the bullet and learn to live their lives sober. I have seen how hard it is. Yet, I also wanted to reach out to those who have been hurt by it too, like me and many others.

I really appreciate this, Open Eyes. No one in my family suffered with alcoholism, but my bio father had a severe nicotine dependency and my brother was a drug addict. I believe my brother qualifies as the "dry drunk" sort of addict.

I recently came in contact with someone who is a closet alcoholic though and all the behaviors you mention are spot on. She is very difficult to be around, and I feel very bad that she feels the need to self-medicate rather than face the issues in her life. Addiction is a serious illness that wreaks havoc in relationships and communication. It's not a character flaw, and I wish, along with mental illness - which we have more and more evidence is actually changed brain chemistry and neurological not just psychiatric - that there was less stigma and more effort to understand.

I think the thing too that makes it difficult when you are in a relationship or friendship with an alcoholic or addict is not being able to tell if they are truly sober or not when you are interacting. They are used to masking their addiction so they appear functional, but then they don't remember the things they said or did. I don't know how to deal with that. It feels like gaslighting.

YES!! this really describes one of the challenges really well seesaw. The person does actually practice "masking" and yes, they CAN conveniently just forget or do something to cover up and deflect instead of admitting they did something wrong. Yes, it actually IS a form of gaslighting.

Actually, the friend I talked about did this with me a lot. She consistently tried the masking and I honestly often could not figure out if she was drinking or sober. This is the one that never stopped despite my efforts to help and support her and died from it.

I am TRYING very hard to talk about this challenge so I don't disrespect the genuine challenge itself. I know there are members that worked very hard to first get sober and stay sober too. As a person who loves someone that had this challenge and made it a point to get sober and make healthy changes in their life, I want to show respect for that. I know how hard it is, I have seen it and supported someone I deeply love address it.

Also, I have no one on ignore, the door is open to come and share. My request is to please do so with respect.

This friend I talk about here? I really liked her, we would ride our horses together as she would bring her horse here and we would go out. I could smell the alcohol on her though, she could ride even though she drank. My husband and I TRIED to help her, took her to meetings and found her a sponser. She just could not stay sober. So, I KNOW it's not easy. When she died, there were times where I had to drive by the field and see her horse and pony out there. She left them and her four children.

Also, my husband has helped countless with their challenge to get and stay sober. I know it's still a problem because the AA rooms are VERY crowded.

I understand how you feel. This describe some of my family member.

I wanted to add here that I did not know there was a problem, my husband did not know he had a problem because he binged. People tend to think of this problem being someone who needs to drink and get drunk everyday. While some are like that, there are others that just binge. It's what happens WHEN they drink and WHY they drink too. There are a lot of functioning alcoholics out there, they are not always stumbling down drunk. Once I was educated in recognizing the problem, I did not just choose to ignore it. I did say, either do something about it or I am done.

That is why I named this thread "the ELEPHANT in the relationship". It is a BIG problem that often is not discussed and even overlooked.

Open Eyes you bring up a very important topic.

I personally hate the knee jerk reaction of oh if your spouse, Bf, Gf, SO, etc has a drinking or a drug problem "leave them immediately"

People make mistakes... every single person makes mistakes and poor choices. That does not mean they can not get there self together and have a better life and relationships..

A person can support a partner or a friends fight to get sober and lots of people can beat the addiction . Maybe person A will give a person 1 chance. another person might give them 10

Neither people is right or wrong... Its a decision that has so many factors involved.

My aunt was a single Mom, She eventually married a nice guy he had been sober 12+ years, He got hurt at work, had surgery, total knee replacement, He couldnt work he was a construction forman, Well he fell into a bottle, My aunt begged and pleaded to get help, one night he was in a blinding drunk rage and he became violent, I wont share details, she fled to our house.... he called her begging. she though about it for a week. She gave him one chance.. He went to a meeting a day for a year. Hes been sober 25 years.

People say leave leave leave .... But what if its your child with a drug or alcohol problem?Should parents just totally give up and throw there child out of the house? of course not as a parent your going to fight like hell to help your child... Yes maybe a point will come that you have to cut off the relationship, but so much factors into it.

People stay in relationships with people for a wide variety of reason.. A blanket " leave them they will never change" is just not reality.

Theres some people that has zero desire to even try to get sober.. But that doesnt mean there partner is stupid for staying for however long it takes for them to decide to leave.. maybe they never leave..

I think people in general need to breathe and think before responding to someone online or in person that is an alcoholic or is with an alcoholic or any substance abuse. .

I think its a process for someone in a relationship to decide that enough is enough might take a week or 10 years.. Who are we to judge?

Here on PC we often get members that are in relationships with alcoholic's sure some are being abused... I feel sometimes people react very strongly because they were once in a situation similar or maybe they have a substance abuse problem themselves.... But if a person is in a abusive relationship sure they need honest advice but they are already being abused some kindness goes a long way.

All anyone can do is offer advice and support online or in person..

Elephants come in all shapes , sizes and colors

Thanks Christina, I really appreciate your carefully thought out contribution to my thread. I wanted to discuss this problem in a way where I might get individuals at least thinking about if this problem is in their relationship that they are not seeing. I had a friend that pointed it out to me when she dealt with it herself and she did not SHAME me either. Instead she was genuinely caring and understanding.

I needed to talk it out when I began noticing the signs that I married a man that had a problem. Most individuals deserve to have a chance to see it and think about it instead of suddenly being shamed or having others suddenly overwhelm them as if shouting at them.

Thinking back on what I experienced, I definitely was SHAMED AND SHUNNED. And you want to know what? Some of these shamers and shunners were in fact individuals who had a drinking problem themselves. In fact, it was like I became a pariah because there were couples that liked to hang out and smoke pot and drink alcohol together, they were in no way interested in seeing their behavior patterns as a problem.

Actually, it very much can be like being stuck between two worlds in society, those who engage and those who are some kind of high and mighty and need you to be oh so perfect like they are (or want to see themselves as). It can be "superficial" in both groups too. Actually, a lot of BLACK AND WHITE thinking. Well, the reality is THERE REALLY IS A LOT OF GRAY. Truth is, there is a lot of stigma because there is a lot of just plain "ignorance". People that have problems are literally in all walks of life too. They are doctors, lawyers, teachers, health care workers including nurses, and they are psychiatrists and therapists and coworkers and bosses and that man that is acting in that very popular series that so many watched and talked about. Yes that guy had a problem and decided to face it and he needed to have support in the rooms and to be respected for HIS challenge. And his wife and family DESERVE to have the support to also understand the challenge as well, "not be shunned and shamed".

Recently, a member posted in a thread and said "I wanted to make my OWN decision". And that really drew my attention. Because when I had been going through all that shaming and shunning or having individuals come at me with so many strong statements telling me what to do? What I really needed more was to feel SAFE to have the time to exam the challenge that my friend pointed out and to make up my own mind about how I would handle it.

I suffer from PTSD, and one of my triggers happens to be wanting to open up and yet when I do, I fill with fear of being SHAMED AND SHUNNED. When someone gets up the courage to walk into either an AA meeting or and alanon or ALCOA meeting, they are most afraid of being SHAMED in some way. And a lot of these individuals, like myself, sit there and listen and find themselves literally breaking down into tears.

Sometimes a person can be in a relationship with an alcoholic that can be emotionally abusive one moment and kind and caring the next. They find themselves slowly adapting to this behavior not realizing what it really is because often it's not really obvious. Quite honestly, the same can be true for the person who develops a problem. They often think they can control it, especially the ones who binge. And some individuals have even picked up the drink to actually aide them with the stress they are experiencing that can at times overwhelm them in their relationships as well. They don't even realize they are developing a dependancy as well.

Sometimes, family gatherings are so challenging that in order for a person to deal with it they drink or smoke pot or turn to some other self medicating method to help them "endure it". Sometimes, that "great guy" that invites everyone over for a gathering and stands at the grill cooking burgers is also holding his courage in one hand or it's set next to his grill. And no one, even himself , sees that HE has a problem where he developed a pattern of self medicating with alcohol so he can be that "great guy" that others like. This guy seems so fun loving and charismatic and no one sees the ELEPHANT sitting in the glass next to that grill or in his hand. Same with women as well.

Actually, several months ago I entertained at a party and the grandmother walked up to me with a drink in her hand and she was very friendly and kept asking me if I wanted a nice glass of wine. As I spent time there observing, most of these adults were drinking wine and slowly getting soused. This was a children's party. And then when I was interacting with the children, they were ALL too afraid to participate in what I was there to do for them. I thought to myself, hmm, lots of happy drunks, I wonder what happens when they are sober. I wondered that because I have actually seen and heard what tends to happen and it's not a bed of roses.

So, this so called ELEPHANT really is often ignored and when you begin to see it, and want to talk about it, often it's not well received at all.

OpenEyes, thanks for bringing this very important subject to our attention. It can really be the elephant in the room.

In other posts, I've mentioned my mother's former neighbour whose alcohol consumption a contributing factor to his dementia diagnosis. To a degree, she helped fuel his addiction, buying him JD for birthday, Christmas. His social circle were drinkers, each with their own health problems. Sister-in-law also has a problem with alcohol, becoming outspoken and aggressive. I believe it contributed to her lashing out at me, as she was already drinking when I arrived at their house. Over the years, she's admitted to having at least one bottle of wine each night. Goes to slimming club so she can "drink more". Brother also not averse to "downing a few cans". Both have underlying health problems but ignoring possible ill effects of excessive alcohol.

We all want to help someone overcome a problem, whether it's addiction or a simple bad habit, but cannot force them to accept that help. The dynamics are complex. It's very sad when despite accepting all the help and love, they cannot or will not overcome the problem.

It doesn't help in that drinking alcohol is so socially acceptable. That is why Mr "great guy" isn't always identified as someone that has a problem and even he may not realize it himself.

I’m so sorry to hear about your friend. I totally agree with everything you said. I had a almost identical situation with someone I knew in college. She became very arrogant and believed there was nothing wrong with alcohol. We weren’t close friends. Just acquaintances. I didn’t care much about being around her due to extreme high level of arrogance and how she could be rude. If anyone told her to stop drinking, especially after being sent to the hospital a few times, she would get extremely defensive and say that alcohol will not kill her.

Well in September of 2018, she passed away. She was dealing with organ failure and even went into surgery to have a port-a-cath put in but it was too late. Even though I didn’t care about her that much, I still feel bad that it happened. It is very sad when someone thinks they need to self medicate with alcohol and even other drugs. They are responsible for admitting that they have a problem, which we all know, is the first step to recovery. Unfortunately this is the hardest thing for alcohol abusers to accept and the relapse rate is staggeringly high. I’m glad you posted this, I’ve always wanted to talk about this too.

Part of the challenge with this can actually be due to the person who turns to alcohol to self medicate their challenge with emotional regulation that presents with ADHD and Dyslexia too. What I had noticed over the years in supporting my husband's sobriety was noticing the high percentage of individuals in the AA rooms that struggled with ADHD and Dyslexia. And YES, these individuals can actually become very arrogant as you have described. YET, they can also be very caring and kind as well.

It's unfortunate that a lot of individuals struggle with ADHD and even Dyslexia and go undiagnosed and struggle along dealing with the challenges they have and they never get the right help.

Recently I had a couple experiences where I was "shamed" and it brought up some things I struggled with and often faced alone and was shamed and shunned for. I struggle with complex ptsd that definitely has this dynamic in it. I grew up witnessing my older brother literally abused because of his "behaviors" due to his ADHD and Dyslexia. People don't realize that in my generation all that was focused on was the behaviors and many faced shaming and abuse when they instead should have been helped, however, the awareness about these challenges simply was non-existant.

I have wanted to talk about this for a really long time now tbh. The problem I had was to find a way to talk about it expressing how things affected me and at the same time to do so respecting others who have these problems and have made it a point to do something about it.

I wanted to talk about this so called Elephant and yet also touch on some things that contribute to this Elephant. We tend to like to see things in black and white, yet the REALITY is there really IS a lot of important GRAYS.

I am making an effort to address this challenge and at the same time bring awareness in how COMPLEX it can be. It's actually a big part of my complex ptsd due to facing this in family, friends and husband and there is a lot of triggers I experience with it and I honestly am trying to address it in a way that doesn't hurt or offend anyone reading it. It's definitely NOT an easy topic to discuss. I never developed a problem with alcohol but it did challenge me in my life.

Yeah I totally agree. Also those with depression and other disabilities can cause someone to abuse alcohol too. Yeah alcohol can cause someone to go through a personality change.

Oh I agree. I’m glad you brought it up. I honestly probably would have myself, I just didn’t know how to like you said. I never abused alcohol, but I did try it for a few months five years ago and honestly I can see how you can get hooked on it. I had to stop before it became too hard. Now I have gone back to not drinking alcohol at all. Not worth it.

I also once accidentally drank too much at once out of peer pressure which caused a bad experience. Didn’t have to go to the hospital but I became very panicky. That was a big part as to why I stopped drinking alcohol even a little bit. As weird as it sounds, I’m glad I experienced it. As scary as it was, it made me realize how quickly you can spiral so I got out of it before I got hurt and didn’t need therapy. Didn’t want to ruin my life. Never want an accident like that to happen again.

Thanks, it's definitely a challenge to talk about it. And people who self medicate begin to do a lot of deflecting and they begin to rewrite challenges they have with others so THEY can gain some power from being the victim when in reality the real problem is actually THEM. They slowly begin to see that once they get sober and do the steps and get help.

Yep exactly. I totally agree. Alcohol abuse can do a number of bad things on a person, negatively affecting their personality and health as well as other things. And yeah, like you mentioned, they rewrite how things are.

I don't want to give the impression that I am saying all X's develop a problem with alcohol. I have ptsd, and I don't abuse alcohol, yet, there are many that turn to alcohol as a crutch to manage their ptsd symptoms. And these individuals developed ptsd and don't even know it until they make an effort to become sober.

Recently a few things took place that affected me very deeply. One individual came to me for help because they really love someone who developed a problem with alcohol to help them deal with the abuse they suffered. This individual finally realized it was controlling their life and finally reached out for help to change that path. The person who really loves this person that is finally addressing the problem wants to know what to do and feels helpless. The person reaching out to me talks about the wonderful person they got to know and grew to love so deeply. What can I do to help? Is it ok to send flowers? I feel so lost and miss my soul mate and I just want the person I grew to love so deeply to know I am here, waiting with caring open arms.

You see, this Elephant can be present in a way that comes between two people that brings on a challenge that someone who REALLY LOVES another person genuinely feels lost about and they really want to find a way to be there for this other person they REALLY DO LOVE. Well, that deserves RESPECT too. This was actually touched on in a movie called "When a Man loves a Woman". Meg Ryan's character depicts how the Elephant can really take over and threatens a person's life. And when someone asks, "what can I do and how long do I have to wait?", the answer is not easy.

Not too long ago I came across a thread and it asked a "general" question and different individuals were sharing their opinions. One individual stepped in and said "I did not want to be PUSHED when I faced my challenge, instead I wanted to make up my own mind". That spoke VOLUMES to me. That is EXACTLY how I had felt myself when I became aware of THIS ELEPHANT in someone that I loved and cared about.

When I faced the challenge in someone I loved, it did deeply affect me. And to be honest, I don't know what hurt more, that there was a problem OR how I was treated when I wanted to understand it and figure out how to address it and find support to do just that. It was not only that I finally SAW the Elephant, it was the STIGMA and SHAMING I had to face too. People can be VERY CRUEL and all of a sudden when a person sees something and wants to talk about it, WOW, that person can suddenly be totally black listed in ways they never imagined.

When I faced a trigger recently that cast judgement on me, it caused a lot of "hurts" to surface in me. I found myself suddenly flooded with so many snap shots of how this Elephant affected my life and how it left me with so many hurts that would suddenly pop up and I would be trapped with SO MANY images.

I started this thread NOT to give some lecture, not to engage in some narcissistic DRAMA, not in some effort to claim superiority or enact some selfish need to gain control. But to instead make an effort to engage in some kind of discussion that can bring about some AWARENESS. This ELEPHANT is not black and white, it's a problem that actually affects A LOT OF RELATIONSHIPS. It genuinely DESERVES respect and understanding. So my effort to TRY to find a way to address it with respect isn't going to come out black and white and this Elephant can step on people and hurt them in different ways. And it's not something that can be covered in a short paragraph either. A person can face it in many different ways, a coworker, a boss, a close friend, a parent, a spouse, a neighbor, their own child, and it can even come out of no where with some person that had one to many and decided to get behind a wheel of a car that forever changed someone's life, to that nurse that tended to you and did so under the influence because she saw one death too many and began to self medicate so she could keep functioning somehow. It's a problem that often gets stigmatized and shamed more than it deserves.

Hey @Open Eyes thank you for sharing this. I feel like you and are are kindred spirits in our assessment of alcoholism. I agree so much with what you shared and I speak from the position of being the alcoholic in recovery and having been a child with an alcoholic parent.

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Originally Posted by Open Eyes A lot of times the real problem with your parent, friend, spouse, family member, and even your own child happens to be how they are self medicating and avoiding their problems and insecurities by using alcohol. A lot of the toxic behavior patterns different individuals talk about here in this forum, even in discussing "abusive relationships" can actually come from the individual that has a problem with alcohol. Everyone else is THE problem except THEM. Often, they need to be the preacher, that loudest voice and deem themselves in how they should be on some higher level. They can often be self righteous and talk about not allowing this or that kind of behavior too. If others don't see things their way then it must be that other person is wrong too.

Yes! I cant tell you how much of a different person I used to be. Seriously you would not think I am the same if you knew me when I was not sober. I thought the whole world wanted and NEEDED my opinion and it was my duty to not only give it but force others to agree with it.

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God forbid you tell them to back off or let someone else share too, they tend to get upset and act offended (they work on this alot in AA meetings). While they see a little about you, they tend to need to take over and be the one that stands out more. They can often be very likeable and charming "the good guy, or gal". They can at times be fun loving as well and seem friendly. And they can even have some talents and seem attentive at times as well. They can even seem quite functional and it can be surprising how many walks of life they are in too.

One of my pet peeves is the phrase "functional alcoholic" because there is NOTHING functional about an alcohol problem. It doesnt matter if you hold down a job or do not get arrested. An alcohol problem is never functional.

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However, they can present some challenges that are very unhealthy to the person that lives with them or is their friend. Without realizing it, you suddenly become slowly conditioned to live YOUR life around THEIR problem and it's just that something that keeps bothering you, often it tends to present in your feeling fine and then feeling depressed. Often they are there for you, then not there for you. You go out to have a nice evening and you both drink but THEY drink more. Sometimes the evening ends up on a bad note and they simply say they had one too many and BLAME it on that. They promise to cut back, but that REALLY doesn't fix the PROBLEM, and they know they can binge still too. "I have been so good, give me a break it was an especially bad day etc., etc. OR, oh, cut me some slack I got that huge account, I deserve to splurge and celebrate.

Very familiar rationalizations.

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I have in my lifetime seen a lot of hurt that comes with this problem. I have been HURT in more ways than I can count. This problem actually affects A LOT of relationships. I have seen it in a lot of relationships during my life. In neighbors, friends, my own family and many relationships.

I wonder what the stats would be say.. here with how many abusers have an addiction to alcohol?

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I remember when a friend of mine sat down with me as she was divorcing her husband who REALLY had a bad problem (he died real young from it too). She said to me, "if you have discussions about it there is a problem". Then she took me to an alanon meeting. I was actually traumatized by what I saw and heard. Everyone told me to leave and RUN. You know THAT'S NOT EASY when you love someone that has a problem. I also confided in a woman I thought I could trust and that turned out to me suddenly being shunned. I was a brownie leader at the time and the next thing I knew the mothers pulled away from me and my daughter lost all her friends and got totally confused. The stigma can be very hard, at least back when I was trying to understand it it was pretty brutal.

That is terrible. I do not know much about alanon but I do know AA. Not everyone is well and sometimes they turn into little cliques.

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I had a friend that had a problem with it too. I tried to help her, even took her to meetings and she just could not stop and so my friend died and she was still SO YOUNG yet. This friend constantly blamed everyone else for her problems and said it was why it was too hard to stop. It was very upsetting to see how bad she got too.

I have lost 5 people in 8 years to alcoholism. The last one was a woman who couldnt get sober, relapsed and od'd on alcohol and pills. She was 52.
Anyone who says this disease doesnt kill needs to go work with my brother in the ICU for a day. He is a nurse and the worst, saddest cases for him are the alcoholics. He watches them shake and have delusions. They soil themselves and have organ failure. They kick the nurses and nearly die and return often.

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If anyone reading this has a problem, PLEASE think about it and get help, your problem is hurting others and it WILL HURT YOU. And don't just stop by yourself either. I have also dealt with that in my life and what I had to deal with is a DRY DRUNK. And they can actually be mean and controlling and angry a lot. Honestly, it's like they put down the drink and pick up a hatchet instead.

I always recommend people do a medical detox even if they do not need rehab. I quit on my own with just AA and I totally had an angel on my shoulder. I believe the only reason I did not die or have seizures was because I happened to be on lamictal for bipolar.