[rdgrad15]

I've heard about this and read about this not long ago that states that two friends, or even a group of friends, usually have unequal feelings about the other. Not romantic feelings, although that can happen, but just how close one may feel to the other. It appears that in a lot of cases, there is always someone who feels closer to another friend than that friend does back. Not necessarily a bad thing, perfectly normal, but I've read about it and even seen it as an outsider and dealt with it myself too.

I used to think that if one friend considered someone else a best friend, the feeling would be mutual between both friends. Now, I know that isn't always the case. It seems like it is more likely that one person may consider someone a close or even best friend, while the other person may only see them as a casual friend or even an acquaintance. I can see how this can cause a rift and feelings of rejection. In some cases, this could even cause the one who is feeling rejected to label a supposed friend as toxic or fake. That can be the case in some cases, but not always.

I've come to learn that in most cases, feelings between two people are usually not the same. I've even had that happen to me, I would call someone a good friend only to find out that person didn't feel the same way. The person would only see me as a casual friend or acquaintance. It happens to everyone. That's why now I am very careful about who I label as a close friend, or even a friend in general. I make sure that the person sees me as a friend as well before assuming we are friends, rather than assuming we are friends right off the bat only to feel rejected later on. I've seen people talk bad about someone who they consider a friend, labeling them as toxic, fake, and accusing them of other ridiculous stuff. And after hearing what is happening, I'll realize that it is a case where one person just simply doesn't feel as close as the other does, resulting in resentment.

I think it is a safer approach when it comes to meeting others, still putting yourself out there to make friends, taking things slowly, but know that not everyone will feel the same way or may not feel as close to you as you may do to them. This approach can lessen the chances of feeling rejected and falsely labeling someone as toxic or fake when all it is that someone just simply doesn't see you as a close friend or doesn't see you as a friend at all. I'm sure we've all been in that position too where someone may call you a close friend or just a friend in general, and you don't feel the same way. It creates feelings of awkwardness too since you don't want to hurt the person, but at the same time, don't really feel interested in pursuing a friendship with them on the same level as they want.

[TishaBuv]

I agree.

It has been a painful lesson for me, but i learned when someone treats you like they don’t care, they really don’t care. I cared more for them, and assumed they felt that for me, but it turns out they didn’t. I just didn’t know it until they didn’t care, which hit me like a ton of bricks. They weren’t friends, acquaintances, coworkers. They were the closest to me, whom I had always had what I thought was the best of relationships, then they turned on a dime and said it was over something petty they trumped up against me, and that I was the ‘villain’.

There was nothing toxic about those relationships until they completely fall apart over nothing. Plus, these people knew I had emotional issues and were intentionally cruel anyway. Sorry for the vent about me, still shocked, but coping.

I’ve also experienced the friendships or other lesser relationships where one simply cares more about the other. I’m sure I’ve been on both ends of it, too. That’s just life. I think I handled it gracefully and never showed I was upset about it to the other person who liked me less. I’ve had close friends dump me for new friends, though we also had a great relationship. They simply met someone they preferred to spend their time with. So did boyfriends. It hurt, but I never confronted them. I think that would have hurt more when they might have in turn, made the dumping even more hurtful.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

I agree.

It has been a painful lesson for me, but i learned when someone treats you like they don’t care, they really don’t care. I cared more for them, and assumed they felt that for me, but it turns out they didn’t. I just didn’t know it until they didn’t care, which hit me like a ton of bricks. They weren’t friends, acquaintances, coworkers. They were the closest to me, whom I had always had what I thought was the best of relationships, then they turned on a dime and said it was over something petty they trumped up against me, and that I was the ‘villain’.

There was nothing toxic about those relationships until they completely fall apart over nothing. Plus, these people knew I had emotional issues and were intentionally cruel anyway. Sorry for the vent about me, still shocked, but coping.

I’ve also experienced the friendships or other lesser relationships where one simply cares more about the other. I’m sure I’ve been on both ends of it, too. That’s just life. I think I handled it gracefully and never showed I was upset about it to the other person who liked me less. I’ve had close friends dump me for new friends, though we also had a great relationship. They simply met someone they preferred to spend their time with. So did boyfriends. It hurt, but I never confronted them. I think that would have hurt more when they might have in turn, made the dumping even more hurtful.

Yep! I had that problem in high school. I would feel very close to someone and when they would show they didn't care or would dump me, I would think there was an ulterior motive and that they were fake and rude. Then when I went to college, I started to realize that people are not always fake, they just don't care all the time and will not always feel the same way. Now, I know that they may have liked me just fine, they just didn't see me as a friend. You are right, if someone shows they don't care, they truly don't care. In fact, I once had a friend in college admit that she will stop being friends with me once we are both graduated.

And that's exactly what happened. I emotionally distanced myself from her before we graduated. I always had an inkling that she really didn't care and her saying that proved my suspicions right. Basically it was her stating that she didn't see me as a close friend or even a friend at all. And no worries, it is okay to vent. And yes I've been on the other side of the rope where I had someone feel closer to me or at least like talking to me more than I did to them. I didn't dump the person and didn't make them feel bad but at the same time, I didn't actively pursue a friendship with them. I was okay with talking to the person but I would never actively make plans with them.