Good relationships are hard to find....

My son and his girlfriend of three years went out new years eve. They even rented a limo to take them to clubs for the night so that nobody in their "group" would be driving, because they would prob be drinking.

The last club, they called the "drunk cab", I am not sure what they are called, they are cabs that for "free" take intoxicated folks home. Well, my son and his girlfriend were waiting for their "drunk cab" and low and behold my son got arrested for being drunk. He was in front of the club for 5 or less mins, waiting for the cab..... This is crappy, because they were being responsible by "not driving" since they were drinking.....

Anyway, my son's girlfriend and friends went to the "hotel" they got for the night. My son is more mad that his girlfriend didn't come up with the $100 to bail him out and that she just went back to the "Hilton" hotel for the night....

I understand his feelings. Even if she could not come up with the money, she should have been there to pick him up when he was released.

Well we all want someone to be there when something like this happens. Guess since all the folks were out front waiting for cabs instead of driving while drunk, the cops decided to nab the folks that were "tipsy' waiting for cabs. I won't say what I think about the cops. The thread would be deleted..

I guess all of this brings up sad feelings. Wanting to know some one cares enough to be there when one needs them. I never really experienced having someone standing behind me or beside me when "difficulties" surfaced. And I understand my son's feelings. If the shoe was on the other foot and his grilfriend was arrested for being drunk and my son just went on his merry way, I know she would have been upset too...

I don't know if it is a "reality" that someone could be there for you or be by your side. Maybe the reality is that we need to learn to not expect or want someone to be there. Maybe doing it alone is the best way?

Oh I wanted to add, I don't approve of folks going about getting drunk. But, most folks have one time or another in their lives. I know I have sipped over my limit a few times in my life. I just don't find it necessary to get drunk. A glass or two is all I will even drink...

Anyway I prayed for my son and his friends because I knew they'd over do it. They were all drunk, not just my son. I prayed that the alcohol would taste like vinegar and they wouldn't drink. And I prayed for God to be in control even knowing "my son's friends" would prob not be in control of their drinking..

Surly this isn't an answered prayer. Meaning that getting arrested is way to tell one to not drink that much and maybe it is best to not get soo drunk...

I am be a tad off and feeling distant. I do all this praying and I don't always understand if they are answered or just ignored and what seems to be answers really isn't answers. Just a fluke or something..Guess the feeling of sadness is overwhelming,, I know, this shall pass.......

I have been where your son is. I wish I had learned what I know now, sooner.

Actually it might be an answered prayer as your son might think about it next time he goes out drinking and thinks about all the possible consequences.

I doubt your son was waiting like a choir boy on the sidewalk. He was probably rough-housing and they were probably a large group, occasionally staggering into the street, being a menace to the drivers, like a child playing ball that lets it go into the street. They were probably drunk and disorderly, a different situation than mere drunk and it is not a responsible way to be, it's extremely dangerous to one's self, one's friends, and everyone around.

If a friend had staggered into the street and gotten hit by a car, your son would not have been in condition to help him. If someone got "fresh" with your friend's girlfriend, your son wouldn't have been in condition to fend him off or do anything besides make a scene. If someone were to try to rob or otherwise accost your son, he would have gotten hurt in the interchange.

It's possible too that your son and his girlfriend quarrelled about something in the club or waiting for the free ride (which isn't "free" someone sober gives up their valuable time so some drunk can be selfish and so someone innocent doesn't get hurt by the drunk's actions). She too might have been wishing he would "wise up" and have someone stronger than she was get through to him.

I don't know if your son's attitude is the same as before he went into jail for the night; feeling like he did nothing wrong, drinking to excess and encouraging his "friends" to do so too. It's not a responsible act deliberately getting drunk. Not wanting to get arrested for drunk driving, the drunk's reason for calling someone, is not the sober person's reason. I pray you and your son and his girlfriend have a talk about all this and your son quits behaviors like this sooner rather than later.

Hi Perna.. thanks so much for responding. My tears are not because my son was arrested. They flow because I am overwhelmed. Lots of activity from Thanksgiving to Christmas. Lots of people and cooking and of course lil puppy. All was positive activity. Just when it was all over and quiet settled in, then this with my son..

Actually, "maybe for the first time", my son was not being disorderly on the sidewalk. Although he was holding onto a pole to keep from falling. He said he saw the police across the street and he wasn't stupid to do anything foolish to get their attention..

I was watching my son's pugs and one pug started puking and I got concerned and called my son's girlfriend to come over to check out the dogs. My son was home and sleeping off being drunk and wasn't answering his phone. She came over and told me that they had "not" been fighting that night. Actually AJ was behaving because usually he gets obnoxious when he drinks. She said she walked over to the cabs to see if any was for them and when she went back to AJ, he was being arrested.

AJ's dad picked him up when he was released and they did talk on the way home. AJ did admit he drank way too much and was in the wrong for getting so intoxicated,

I don't approve of people getting so drunk they can't stand up. What purpose is it to be so drunk when you don't even know what is going on around you? And is it worth it, the hangover the next day? I have often mentioned to my son that if he does drink, to limit it to one or two drinks for the night. To be honest, I don't want him drinking at all because he can't control the amount he drinks.

My son doesn't want to talk to me about this situation. He gets angry evey time I try talking to him. He is even angry that I called his girlfriend to help me with the pugs. He is upset she was here.. I told him I needed her help with the dogs. And I appreciated the fact she came over and even spent the night.

I pray my son stops drinking and learns something from all of this. He is 26. Time to use better judgment. I guess that is why I am always praying for my son and his girlfriend. Because they don't always make "wise decisions". And the only thing I can do at this point is pray and let God be in control.

Perna, you are soo right. If someone had staggered into the streets and hit by a car, my son would have not been in any condition to help. Or if anything happened to his g/f ,he would not be able to help.

TY so much for responding. Is always good to read another's perspective. Lots of wisdom in your post. I should save it and and few days from now, give it to my son to read. Maybe he too, might see your wisdom since he doesn't "hear" me..

I'm glad your son is safe and in "better" shape now and that his girlfriend readily came over to help you with the pugs! My next door neighbor has two, one of whom is named "Baby" appropriately :-) They have one son who is 19ish and her husband didn't want any more kids so they have 3 dogs (in a little townhouse :-) I have a couple cats so I have to pay attention to whether the neighbors on either side (other side has 2 dogs) have let their dogs out as our little fences are nothing to jump or walk through. But we're retired so waiting until everyone goes to work works out well as the dogs will be inside.

Your son isn't that old; I was in my mid-30's before I stopped drinking too much. It was New Years too, I think people's heads go out to play when they think they see a "legitimate" reason to get drunk. So he just got charged with public drunkenness? I've never been falling down drunk (not to say I haven't fallen down, but I got up again) I only once ever couldn't remember what happened because I'd drunk too much and that was when people mixed the liquor because they ran out of one kind and didn't tell me. I was really sick that next day!

Too bad your son gets angry at you when you're being a great Mom and only want what's best for him. He'll learn that eventually and I only hope he does "in time" to show you and appreciate how much you've been behind him all these years. I'm glad his Dad was there too; sometimes guys will listen to guys. I have three brothers and my husband has three sons so I know how that works. None of my stepsons drink much at all, I'm so glad not to have to go through that; my oldest brother was an alcoholic and that was 2-3 really bad years I don't want to live through again!

First let me say that my father was a police officer as are many of my relatives and I have the utmost respect and appreciation for the job that they do for us.

That being said.... I come from a LONG line of drinkers on both sides of my family. One July I was visiting my hometown for the holiday and was downtown with the majority of my family. For ONCE my uncle had actually walked to the bar rather than drive. I do not drink and was completely sober, my uncle on the other hand would pretty well lit. My uncle and I were walking home from the bar and I'll be damned if we didn't get stopped on the way home.

The police office had seen me exit the bar and stumble over a rock while we were walking home. My uncle made a comment about my grace and tripping over my own two feet and we were laughting.

The young police officer that stopped us was fresh from the academy, not from the area and very anxious to make a name for himself. He stopped and asked where we were headed (duh, small town, only thing in the direction we were heading are houses), home I replied. And I started to continue on my way (I REALLY wanted to get my uncle out of there before his mouth got him in trouble, as it turned out, as it turns out, I should have been more worried about MY mouth.)

When I started to walk away, this guy coped an attitude. I'm like "look, I don't drink, my uncle and I are just walking home, we're not hurting anyone." The cop scoffed, "if you don't drink, why were you in the bar." Well this just set me off.

Fortunately for me, my cousin (also a cop) approached the "scene" and said "hey Kat, what's going on?" Cop #1 says "you know her? Says she wasn't drinking but I saw her coming out of the bar." Cousin says "Yeah, I know her, she doesn't drink, and her your boss is her father." Suddenly he's nice as pie.

This just pissed me off further! What if my father hadn't been his boss? (My father btw was very angry with me for acting in that manner!)

To this day I refuse to speak to Officer A**hole as I knicknamed him. I am all for getting drunk drivers off the road. I do not think that drunks should be permitted to disrupt the average citizen's enjoyment of public places. But I see this as an abuse of his authority. I think there should be some sort of common sense middle ground.

I wonder why your son's girlfriend didn't call you to bail him out if she was unable to come up with the money herself unless perhaps she hoped this experience would teach him something.

If your son's girlfriend was drunk, too, she would have done him more harm than good by showing up for him.

I speak from experience. Once, a boyfriend of mine and I got drunk together, and he got picked up for it and I didn't. Being drunk too, I took exception to this, and went to the station and mouthed off (which I wouldn't have done, sober) to the cops there, and, well, suffice it to say, that only made things worse, and I now know how to beat a person while leaving no marks.

So, while it might've been out of true callousness, or not - you decide, based upon what you know of her - your son's girlfriend, being drunk also, probably made the wisest decision by staying out of it once he'd been taken in.

I hope all of you are all right, now.