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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
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#141
I feel for you. How was the weekend away with friends? I am feeling pretty alone with my marital struggles myself.
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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guy1111
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,134
(SuperPoster!)
6 3,643 hugs
given |
#142
Quote:
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Member
Member Since Apr 2018
Location: US
Posts: 422
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#143
It was pretty good. No major triggers. It was nice to enjoy the kids, play with them, take them swimming, etc. I think I'm just tired right now. Probably for the better. I don't have the energy to get upset right now. My wife started telling some story that reminded me of a past infatuation she had and I just kind of zoned out and nodded my head. I went to bed tired.
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,134
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6 3,643 hugs
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#144
Quote:
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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guy1111
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Member Since Apr 2018
Location: US
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#145
Im gonna need some ears to listen this week. I am going on our 1 yr anniversary vacation and I'm in a volatile state. I don't know if I can keep up with my wife's insanity one on one for 4 days alone. Hopefully someone out there hears this.
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
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#146
Quote:
You’ve been only married a year? I take it your children are from your first marriage? You said you don’t want kids to go through divorce but these aren’t even her kids. Or some are hers? Was your first wife respectful and considerate or was she similar to your second wife? Is there a pattern in choosing these women (stemming from family of origin). There has to be a way to break this pattern. Your wife’s behavior is not typical and i ensure you there are many women who do not behave like this Last edited by divine1966; Jul 12, 2020 at 03:02 AM.. |
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guy1111
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,134
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#147
Can you possibly establish some ground rules with her Before you go?
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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guy1111
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Member Since Apr 2018
Location: US
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#148
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She has been super angry lately. I know it's something from her past. I step back from the moment in my mind while she is ranting and I look at her and I think "this is a very angry person". Normally I can just tune it out and start listing all my good qualities and sometimes I actually feel better than when she starts in. Haha. The last couple weeks she has been almost daily just ranting and raving. Hitting things, hurting her hands. It's crazy. I think she is stressed out. That's no excuse. At this point I honestly don't even care why she is so upset. The things she says she's upset about are petty. There's something going on with herself. She needs help. |
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Member
Member Since Apr 2018
Location: US
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#149
I was thinking that. My nerves are starting to get rattled, so I am afraid I might say something I regret though. I am hoping if we can at least get to our destination and go on a hike and get some exercise I might feel good enough to set some groundrules for the rest of the time without saying something hurtful.
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Poohbah
Member Since Mar 2020
Location: Earth
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#150
Are you going to a place filled with activities (during covid?) or a "sit and relax" getaway? Would you both be interested in participating in some meditation together? Ground rules would help, for sure.
Can I suggest you set the ground rules before you go? Keep the trip itself, positive. |
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guy1111
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,134
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#151
That is not normal behavior. To be hitting things with her hands? Angry all the time? Does she see a therapist? She does need professional help. Maybe even medication.
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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guy1111
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#152
Taking time off work doesn’t mean you must go on vacation . I’d stay home and read books, do projects and go for walks. No way I’d go anywhere with people acting like it. Nope.
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guy1111
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,134
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#153
Good point. If she’s so out of control with anger, and you’re dreading and fearing the trip, why go? There should be consequences for poor behavior.
Maybe it’s time to lay everything on the table. Either you shape up, or I’m leaving you and we’re divorcing. Sometimes it takes going there and mentioning divorce for someone to be shaken up. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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guy1111
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#154
Well, we already left and spent the first night so we are here far away together. She started to get crazy on me again in the car. I just kept my composure. I wasn't going to let her get me upset. She finally ran out of steam. This is the first time in a long time we are alone no kids for more than a day. Now she is calm and lovey dovey. Nothing really got accomplished but at least she is mellow for now. Ugh.
Thank you guys for listening! I don't think I would make it without your help and suggestions. We'll see where the day goes. Maybe I get to tell her the car ride was unacceptable. |
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Poohbah
Member Since Mar 2020
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,143
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#155
I'm wondering if she was feeling stressed about this trip, too, and handled it by letting out steam? In this case, I'd just focus on enjoying your time, appreciate the "lovey-dovey" as it comes, and let the car scenario go while on vacation.
Last edited by MsLady; Jul 13, 2020 at 11:48 AM.. |
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guy1111
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,134
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6 3,643 hugs
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#156
Quote:
I disagree with just letting it go... she has been ranting and raving at you, is hitting objects and clearly is out of control with her anger. Something needs to be done here. Limits must be set if you two are going to survive. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Member
Member Since Apr 2018
Location: US
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#157
Well, she had another fit. We are both being civil and guarded right now. Maybe if I brought up the hitting? I don't know what to say without sounding insulting. She was concerned she was going to break something in the rental.
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Member
Member Since Apr 2018
Location: US
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#158
Yes, I think travel stress is a big factor. I do feel better now that we went on a big hike. Like, before I was worried that I would say something I would regret. Then she had another little fit while we were here and I felt much calmer after the hike. I just watched the trees waving in the wind through our window. Very peaceful and serene
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MsLady
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Poohbah
Member Since Mar 2020
Location: Earth
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#159
Instead of addressing the hitting, how about suggesting activities that may help her feel better? Going for a hike was a great idea. Is there a hot tub or swimming pool.. or little shops to explore? She sounds like she's out of her element and is stressed about. Sometimes the better idea is to just offer options. You're on vacation. You can also split up for an hour and reconnect.. reset?
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guy1111
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Legendary Wise Elder
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Location: US
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#160
I think if vacation stresses her that much, it’s not wise to vacation together. If you aren’t interested in ending this marriage, I’d stop traveling with her. I assume vacation costs money. I’d put that money into something else. At the very least I’d insist she seeks psychiatric help or at least therapy before I get in the car with her
She needs to seek some serious medical help. What’s with meltdowns and throwing fits. It’s not normal. Her talking to guys is the least of the problems. She sounds out of control |
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guy1111
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