On top of everything else that’s been going on in my life , my supposed father contacted me today. A little background: I’ve only met the man twice in my life, when I was 7 and 14. Both times he showed up for about a day, bought me gifts, and left. Both times, he said he would keep in contact but he never has. I’ve never really been interested in him at all but for some reason my mom is. She kept his contact info and has attempted to contact him sporadically throughout my life. He never responded to her messages or calls, even when she told him I had lost my daughter.

So out of the blue today, similar to the other two times, he messages me on Facebook and asks for my phone number. I stupidly gave it to him without thinking, but didn’t answer when he called. I checked the voicemail and he was saying he’s in town and wants to see me. I’m not interested in seeing him because I’m not willing to have some stranger come into my life when it’s convenient for them and then leave when it’s not. This man has had 27 years to build a relationship with me and he hasn’t. He wasn’t there for me when I graduated or when I was homeless or when I lost my child. Plus I have a whole lot of crap going on in my life right now and I don’t need this.

My mom is furious at me that I won’t talk to him or see him. She said she raised me to “meet people where they’re at” excuse me but I’m not a doormat. I’m a human being with feelings and needs. This person who is supposedly my father (a DNA test has never confirmed it and she had multiple partners) was never there when I needed him, yet now I’m supposed to be there for him. She tried to guilt trip me by saying he’s sick-she has AIDS and he likely does too. And? It’s not like I gave him AIDS! I hate how she’s always expected me to have relationships with people I don’t want to. Notably my him and my predatory stepfather. She also said he might give me money or gifts. I don’t want material things from someone who hasn’t given a crap about me for 27 years. I’m pissed that she would have the audacity to basically tell me she raised me to be a doormat.

So am I in the wrong for not wanting anything to do with this man? He’s sent me several messages today too but I haven’t responded.

[Bill3]

You are not in the wrong.

I think you have made a reasonable and completely understandable decision.

As you know, you are perfectly capable of making your own decision about it.

I would support you in whatever decision you made.

[RockyRoad007]

"Meeting someone where they're at" basically means accepting others for where they are at on their life's journey, warts and all.

It's a little odd that your mom says she raised you "to meet people where they're at", yet she doesn't extend that courtesy to you.
Where you're at is you are not interested in someone who hasn't shown much interest in you.

Ask her to meet YOU where you're at.

There's no right or wrong in wanting to meet your father. There is simply a choice. Your choice.

[divine1966]

You are not in a wrong at all. You have zero obligations to meet people whom you don’t even know. Hugs

[Open Eyes]

You are an adult and have a right to your own decisions. That includes not being anyone’s doormat.

[Delphini]

I agree with all the above posters. I wouldn't listen to the advice from your mother. She doesn't sound like a good role model. She seems to let in men who have little respect for her.