[MsLady]

What does deconstructing mean in a relationship.. whether it be with a significant other, a child, a parent, etc?

I had my first individual counseling session today and I explained the concerns about my relationship .. and how it's affecting my 3yr old. She suggested to deconstruct with her.. again and again.

What does this really look like?

[RockyRoad007]

Well...I'll give it a stab.

To me, deconstruct means to break down, undo, or remove what you don't want to be there.

So, she could be suggesting when your child has a specific fear or worry, you would talk it out with her (at her level) what her fear or issue is and put it into a perspective so she feels safe.
Ideally, the idea would be to remove or lighten her fear, as so many childhood fears can grow far more than is healthy for little ones.

[divine1966]

I’d ask for explanation and examples from a therapist

[Have Hope]

I don't know what deconstruct means. Go back and lay out all the details from the beginning? Break it down into examples? Do they want to hear more of the story? I would ask the therapist what they mean by that.

I'd ask her, the therapist, what it means.

[MsLady]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I’d ask for explanation and examples from a therapist

I did. She was vague with her responses. Dhe kept saying to deconstruct and repeat and one day my 3yr old would understand.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by MsLady

I did. She was vague with her responses. Dhe kept saying to deconstruct and repeat and one day my 3yr old would understand.

If she refuses to explain, I’d ask for my money back. I’d not be going to therapist and then not know what she is talking about

[MsLady]

Originally Posted by divine1966

If she refuses to explain, I’d ask for my money back. I’d not be going to therapist and then not know what she is talking about

?? She did explain. It just was unclear how I can do this with my 3yr old under our circumstances.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by MsLady

?? She did explain. It just was unclear how I can do this with my 3yr old under our circumstances.

She needs to explain so it’s clear to you how to do it with 3 year old. If it’s still unclear to you, then she didn’t explain well.

We’ve never met you and it’s much harder for us to explain what you didn’t understand in session, therapist was actually there in a session talking to you. I’d demand specific clear examples or email her now with questions.

I mean we can’t interpret what your therapist meant, we weren’t there

[MsLady]

Originally Posted by divine1966

She needs to explain so it’s clear to you how to do it with 3 year old. If it’s still unclear to you, then she didn’t explain well.

We’ve never met you and it’s much harder for us to explain what you didn’t understand in session, therapist was actually there in a session talking to you. I’d demand specific clear examples or email her now with questions.

I mean we can’t interpret what your therapist meant, we weren’t there

I understand that. I'm not asking anyone to interpret what my therapist said during our session. That's common sense, IMO. I asked what deconstruct means in a relationship and mentioned about my 3yr old.

I won't be seeing my therapist for another 2 weeks and I'm also considering on requesting for a new one.

[MsLady]

Originally Posted by RockyRoad007

Well...I'll give it a stab.

To me, deconstruct means to break down, undo, or remove what you don't want to be there.

So, she could be suggesting when your child has a specific fear or worry, you would talk it out with her (at her level) what her fear or issue is and put it into a perspective so she feels safe.
Ideally, the idea would be to remove or lighten her fear, as so many childhood fears can grow far more than is healthy for little ones.

This made more sense to me. It'll be hard to do in our situation but I'll have to try my best. She shuts down, that's part of the problem.. and I need to be careful in not inadvertently increasing her worries.

I asked my therapist but we had run out of time at that point so she wasn't able to explain it in a way I could put it into practice.